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7 Things Men Should Know About Vaginas

Directions to the g-spot inside

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Of all the great things in life, sex can be one of the most rewarding.

When done correctly, regular sex can improve your relationship and sense of wellbeing. Not to mention it feels pretty darn good. But if you’re a man who has sex with women, there’s one thing you’ll need to master before you can achieve the highest levels of sexual pleasure. It’s the..

vagina-word-bling image www.goodgirlsgo.com

When it comes to the female reproductive system, things can get complicated fast. Yes, the vagina — a term often used when people really mean the vulva — can be delicate and complex (and also, by the way, tough AF).

A man’s understanding of the vagina can dramatically affect his love life. Basically, if you’re well-versed in vag, chances are your partner will want to get randy more often, thus leading to a slew of health benefits for the both of you.

Studies show that men who have sex at least twice a week have better heart health and lower risk of cardiovascular disease. Good sex also releases endorphins, which can reduce stress and improve sleep for everyone.

But better sex and foreplay don’t magically happen overnight. That’s why we put together a list of 7 things men should know about the vagina, so they can master the fine art of good sex.

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1. When you say “vagina,” you probably mean “vulva.”

Technically speaking, vagina refers to the muscular, elastic canal which leads to the cervix and uterus. This is the “hole” where the penis or fingers are (usually) inserted and through which babies pass during birth.

“Vulva” is the term that describes all of the external organs that make up female genitalia. Basically, it’s everything you’re looking at when you’re down there. The vulva includes the vagina, the pubic mound, the labia majora (the outer folds of the vulva) and labia minora (the smaller, inner folds), the opening of the urethra (the pee hole) and the clitoris (more on this very important part later).

2. Women can get erect, too.

Just as a man’s penis swells with blood when he’s aroused, women — or, rather, their clitoris — can become erect, too.

When a woman is turned on, blood flows to her clitoris, the small, round nub just above where the two inner lips meet. This causes the clitoris to swell and become sensitive to the touch. Be careful, though: The head of the clitoris can become overly sensitive and may retract underneath the hood to avoid further stimulation.

3. The clitoris is a powerhouse for pleasure.

With an estimated 8,000 nerve endings, the clitoris serves one purpose and one purpose only: to make a woman feel good. In fact, it’s the only human organ that exists solely for pleasure, according to Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, a gynecologist with Columbia University and author of Pleasure: A Woman’s Guide To Getting The Sex You Want, Need and Deserve.

And there’s more to that beacon of pleasure than the little nub that peeks out. The clitoris has a body and two legs that extend within the body and run alongside the pubic bone.

These parts can be “very sensitive,” Hutcherson told The Huffington Post. “I usually tell women and their partners to move around and try different positions [during foreplay and intercourse] to stimulate all the clitoral tissue and not just the head.”

4. Just because a woman’s vagina isn’t lubricated, that doesn’t mean she’s not aroused.

While women are capable of lubricating naturally, Hutcherson says there are circumstances that can make it more difficult. For example, women may have a harder time lubricating naturally after menstruation. Certain medications and antihistamines also make lubrication more difficult, as do changes in hormones, birth control and age.

“Vaginal lubrication is one of those things that are really misunderstood by men,” Hutcherson said, adding that most men don’t realize that a woman can be aroused without having any wetness.

Some women may even take longer to become aroused and lubricated if they’ve been in a relationship for a long time. “In the beginning of a relationship, you lubricate very well and really quickly [because of all] the chemicals and hormones that are rushing through your body,” Hutcherson explained. “Over time, those chemicals start to decrease after you’ve been with the same person for a while.”

In either case, Hutcherson suggests that men should be patient and spend more time on foreplay if a woman isn’t lubricated enough. “Sometimes it just takes a lot longer for a woman to get aroused,” Hutcherson said. “Men don’t understand why that happens.”

5. Most women don’t reach an orgasm with vaginal intercourse.

“Men like to think that there’s something in the vagina that they’re going to strike and cause an orgasm,” Hutcherson told HuffPost. “They think women will have these mind-blowing orgasms from their penises alone, and it just doesn’t happen that way.”

In fact, a 2009 study revealed that about 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone (that is, without the help of sex toys, or oral or digital stimulation). According to Hutcherson, foreplay and external stimulation can be far more important than penetration when it comes to women achieving orgasm.

She suggests beginning with gentle strokes to the clitoris and the labia, which can be very sensitive, but is often neglected. And if you really want to get a woman going, Hutcherson says that oral sex is “the easiest way for most women to experience pleasure.”

6. When it comes to a woman’s sexual stimulation, different strokes for different folks definitely applies.

One of the biggest mistakes a man can make when trying to please a woman is assuming that all women are stimulated in the same way.

“Every woman is different and they’re not all going to respond in the same way,” Hutcherson told HuffPost. “Women can have different parts of their bodies that are more sensitive than others.” For example, one person may orgasm from clitoral stimulation, while another can only reach climax through penetration. The trick is to switch up the positions, techniques and areas of stimulation to see what the woman responds best to.

“Men shouldn’t try to force a woman into having an experience that they think the woman should be having,” Hutcherson said. “There’s fun in exploring what gives a particular partner pleasure, discovering together what turns each other on.”

7. This is how you find the G-spot.

The G-spot is a very controversial subject in the world of gynecology, and while some experts believe they have its exact location mapped out, others doubt that it even exists. Hutcherson believes the elusive G-spot is an area of glands near the urethra-side of the vaginal wall.

“The G-spot is not a spot,” Hutcherson told HuffPost. “It’s an area in the vagina that gives a woman the most pleasure, but it varies from woman to woman.”

To find this “spot,” Hutcherson offers her clients the following directions:

  1. Lubricate the fingers of the dominant hand and insert them, palm facing upwards, into the vagina.
  2. Reach the fingers all the way back until you feel the cervix.
  3. Once you hit the cervix, pull the fingers out slightly and rub the top of the vaginal wall where it feels most stimulating.
  4. Rub the area by curling your fingers, “like you’re saying come hither against that front wall,” Hutcherson says.
  5. Begin with light pressure then gradually add more pressure.

The most important thing to remember when handling, observing or adoring a vagina is to understand its keeper: The woman.

Every person is different and every individual will have pleasure from different things,” Hutcherson said. “That’s the fun of being human.Try different things, have an open mind and be adventurous to find out what really works for both parties.”

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Henry Sapiecha

 

Female teacher charged with persistent sex abuse of girl student in WA

A teenage girl was subjected to sexual assaults by her 26-year-old female teacher for almost a year,police say.West Australia

The teacher faces 23 sexual assault charges, including 15 counts of sexual penetration and one count of persistent sexual conduct with a child aged under 16.

SHOW OF HANDS IN CLASS IMAGE www.goodgirlsgo.com

The WA female teacher faces a spate of sex abuse charges, including rape. 

Police allege the 15-year-old student was abused between July 2015 and May 2016.

The offenses were reported on Friday evening and the woman was arrested on Saturday.

The woman is to appear in the Magistrates Court Midlands on June 14.

– AAP

www.crimefiles.net

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7-7u

Henry Sapiecha

So you are a married woman.Is sex a chore or a pleasure?

Pair of underpants and pair of knickers on washing line

Pair of underpants and pair of knickers on washing line

 WARNING 
DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU ARE MY FATHER, OR ONE OF MY KIDS (you’ll be scarred! Scarred 4 life!), OR IF UR RELATED TO ME IN ANYWAY… LEAVE THIS PAGE NOW IF YOU ARE AN IN-LAW (please don’t do this to me or yourself). SHUT DOWN YOUR COMPUTER AT ONCE IF YOU ARE EASILY EMBARRASSED, SQUEAMISH, UNABLE TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE AFTER READING JUICY DETAILS ABOUT SEX AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE WORDS WET, F**K or PUSSY. GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD! let’s move forward

Okay, let’s break it down: Sex, bonking, nookie, quickies, porking and poking, to a married woman, sometimes feels like a chore, a task, another domestic duty. It’s just something else a monogamous woman has to add to her mental, emotional and physical list of ‘pleasing’ others. It’s neither fun nor painful but just .. well.. just plain annoying, kinda like having to feed the kids. Every. Single. Damn. Night.

Rumpy-pumpy with an eager-to-please partner can be considered much like an internal examination, except it’s not happening every two years, it’s expected daily, twice daily for some! The type of internal I am discussing here is where a doctor, regardless of gender, shoves their hand ‘up there’ and cops a good feel for their own (medical) satisfaction. The only difference between doctor and hubby’s styles is that the doctor is looking for anomalies, concerned for your health and wellbeing, while the husband is frantically searching for the exclusive (and elusive) G-Spot, concerned for his sexual prowess and masterful carnal abilities. Nope, that’s not it, Sweetie. You’ve gone too far and now you’re scratching the back of my tonsils.

It’s during these ‘internals’ with your man that you are likely to be flat on your back thinking “Are you done yet?” Or disapproving your sharp non manicured fingernails, or even after a few long minutes of thrusting you begin the desperate and silent prayer for one of the kids to wake up so he will have to hurry the f**k up and finish off.

Sex can sometimes mean your lady bits get rubbed like your man is polishing silverware. Really tarnished silverware. A really tarnished silver lamp. A really tarnished silver Genie lamp. Furiously rubbing that special lamp to make a magical Genie appear.. from your vagina. Sometimes you wish that Vulva Genie would indeed appear so you could make your three wishes — the first: that he stops rubbing you before he chafes your pubic bone.

Sometimes sex involves lots of kissing like they do in the movies. Except it’s actually reality f**ktard and your breath smells foul. And why do all this licking and kissing caper when your baby momma has just showered. Gross! So you’re now covered in saliva! Second wish: breath mints and a cold shower — for him!

Sometimes, in the lead up to sex, your husband’s version of foreplay (which goes on all day) is a slap on the arse, a grope of the tits, a few rotatory swings of his dick and a suggestively asked question “So, how ’bout it?” Wish three: f**k off!

For the small group of women that I know and can have these intimate discussions with, this all seems relatively normal. Normal to rate sex and chores at the same level — especially during a long-term relationship.

But I don’t dare speak for all women, because I happen to personally know a few exceptions to this and they are real life, everyday women who are just absolutely crazy for a bit of horizontal hula. They’d be balls deep all day with their husbands if they didn’t have to work or eat or feed the fruit of their pounding loins. They’re like rabbits on viagra, they can’t get enough of the salami feeding the kitty! God bless their raging meat-loving pussies! For me, though, sometimes I’d rather just go ahead and poke myself… in the eye… with an actual salami.

Hey, while we are talking poking, here’s a good tip to all men out there — when a woman says “make it quick” — mate, you need to move that broomstick like a lightning bolt, alright?! In-out, in-out, roasted? Good now get off us, we got shit to do.

Sex isn’t like in the movies, and the only time it is remotely close to that passionate and consensual ecstasy is in your dreams… with Channing Tatum… and sometimes his wife. Sex is an avoidance. It’s women sneaking into bed, usually unsuccessfully, because even though he doesn’t hear the kids cry at night he can certainly hear the non-existent purr of your pussy.

So many men whine about their wives not ‘putting out’ enough, but — hey, Princess — put out the washing, put the kids to bed, put your dick back in your pants and maybe we might consider putting out more often. But, hey, probs not.

Disclaimer: I love my husband, and in Australia he’d be known as a “decent shag”. He’s not selfish in the bedroom and likes to please, which is sometimes his downfall coz when you’re not in the mood and he wants you to be in the mood things can really drag on. My husband hangs out the washing, bathes the little kids, runs the big kids to sports, he does get up at nighttime and he always puts the little kids to bed at night when he’s home. If only he could learn that slapping his willy on the end of the bed isn’t considered “foreplay” and maybe understand that dicks are ugly no matter which angle you look at them, but more so when they are doing a helicopter trick in front of you. In all honesty, most days I am actually very sexually attracted to my husband, he is handsome and funny and would do anything for me and sex is love and I love him immensely… Then he starts chewing and then I just want to slap him across the face. Love you, Sweetie xx

ooo

Henry Sapiecha

SEX GUIDE VIDEO EDUCATIONAL DOCUMENTARY FOR GIRLS IN THE 21ST CENTURY

This documentary on sex guide for girls in the 21st century is worth watching 4 all the right reasons

MORE ABOUT SEX HERE

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Henry Sapiecha

WOMAN SOLD FOR A PACKET OF CIGARETTES VIDEO

Zainab Hawa Bangura, the Special Representative on Sexual Violence in Conflict, recently visited Syria and Iraq, as well as neighbouring Turkey, Lebanon and Jordan, to hear from women who had experienced conflict-related sexual violence. Here, she shares the stories that made the greatest impression on her.

Zainab Bangura, the United Nations special representative on sexual violence in conflict.

“It’s not an ordinary rebel group,” she said. “When you dismiss them as such, then you are using the tools you are used to. This is different. They have the combination of a conventional military and a well-run organised state.”

Officials and scholars have struggled to understand Islamic State’s success despite breaking what are widely seen as rules for insurgents – to be sure to mingle with local populations, not take on established militaries or try to hold territory. The group has broken all those rules and draws thousands of foreign fighters despite its well-publicised savagery.

Spreading fear

Kerry Crawford, who teaches at James Madison University in Harrisonburg, Virginia, US, said that publicising the violations is used to the group’s advantage by building internal ties and external fear.

“If you and your group are doing something that is considered taboo, your doing it together forms a bond,” she said. “Sexual violence does really create fear within a population.”

Sexual abuse by soldiers has a long history including the so-called rape camps in the former Yugoslavia in the 1990s, she said.

Islamic State has made a particular practice of enslaving communities it has conquered those that are not Sunni Muslim – Yazidis and Christians, for example. It portrays such conquests as God’s work, drawing disaffected Muslims from around the world.

Mrs Bangura said the international community and the UN have been taken aback by such practices because they do not resemble those of village militias in other countries.

“They have a machinery, they have a program,” she said. “They have a manual on how you treat these women. They have a marriage bureau which organises all of these ‘marriages’ and the sale of women. They have a price list.”

Bloomberg

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Henry Sapiecha

The Sophia Wallace project is helping everyone get ‘cliterate’

Sophia Wallace It's pretty shocking to think, okay, we have achieved nuclear fusion and yet we discovered the clitoris in 1998. image www.goodgirlsgo.com

Sophia Wallace: “It’s pretty shocking to think, ‘okay, we have achieved nuclear fusion…’ and yet we discovered the clitoris in 1998.” Photo: Sophia Wallace

Although the full anatomy of the clitoris was (scandalously) only properly discovered in 1998, there really are no more excuses for failing to get educated about this most essential feature of female sexual anatomy and function.

Inspired by artist Sophia Wallace’s body of work on Cliteracy, and science, The Huffington Post has put together an awesome interactive feature aimed at both educating everyone about the clitoris and getting them excited about applying that knowledge.

“The sad reality is that this society is incredibly il-cliterate,” says Wallace. “Half of the population has an organ that has been completely and utterly denied, but also attacked; it’s been removed in some cases. It’s been written out of history, it’s been medically ignored or even medically negated.”

“It’s pretty shocking to think, okay, we have achieved nuclear fusion, we’ve identified the boson particle, we can go to Mars, and yet we discovered the clitoris in 1998.”

The feature includes sections on the history of the clitoris being denied and hidden in science and medicine, on the internal and external anatomy of the clitoris, on what is missing from Sex Ed, on the culture of sex today and how the clitoris fits in (or doesn’t), and on how to spread the word. Each section is complete with pictures and educational videos, like this one from “sex re-educator” Jenny Block:

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Sex Education: The Missing Chapter from The Huffington Post on Vimeo.

So go out there now, get cliterate, practice saying clitoris and doing things with your clitoris. We have a lot of catching up to do.

Source: Bust

Some of our sister sites below

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Henry Sapiecha

17 BEST SEX SCENES FROM A WOMAN’S ASPECT

SEXUAL BED COUPLE IMAGE www.goodgirlsgo.com

Outlander: The sex scenes in this series – the continuing adventures of time-travelling nurse Claire Randall – have been praised for their rare female gaze: the main dude’s a virgin (well, ‘was’ a virgin), there’s no gratuitous nudity, and Claire’s sexually empowered, often making the first move.

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couple early days of love image www.goodgirlsgo.com

The Spectacular Now (2013): You won’t find a more honest depiction of first-time sex. No hysterical giggling, no over-anxious pawing – just quiet nervousness and steamy longing.

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The Affair-600x400 couple image www.goodgirlsgo.com

The Affair: Unlike Hollywood’s female ‘O’-face fixation, this series portrays sex more realistically: “Why have I always got to do the orgasm face? There should be a male orgasm face. Why is it always the woman who’s orgasming? Let’s analyze the male orgasm,” said star Ruth Wilson.

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Blue-Valentine-couple image-600x400 www.goodgirlsgo.com

Blue Valentine (2010): Ryan Gosling famously went after the MPAA after they slapped the film with a box office-killing NC-17 rating due to a scene in which his character goes down on Michelle Williams’: “There’s plenty of oral sex scenes in a lot of movies, where it’s a man receiving it from a woman – and they’re R-rated. Ours is reversed and somehow it’s perceived as pornographic.” Isn’t he dreamy?

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couple in bed with phone image www.goodgirlsgo.com

Don’t Look Now (1973): There’s no denying the raw power of this film’s infamous sex scene; the emotional intimacy is ramped up by director Nicholas Roeg’s decision to intercut stars Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland’s roll in the sheets with scenes of domesticity as the couple get dressed to go out.

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Coming-Home_600x400 lap couple image www.goodgirlsgo.com

Coming Home (1978): The sex scene, in which paraplegic veteran Luke (Jon Voight) shows conservative military wife Sally (Jane Fonda) the tenderness that leads to her first orgasm, is a stunner.

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Out_Of_Sight_couple movie scene image www.godgirlsgo.com

Out Of Sight (1998): Remember George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez’s super romantic “interlude” in a hotel room on a snowy night?

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prideandprejudice 600x400 couple image www.goodgirlsgo.com

Pride & Prejudice (2005): Not even first base, but the final scene on the moors, when Lizzie kisses Darcy’s cold hand, is hot enough to melt the permafrost.

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titanic-hand_600x400 steamy scene image www.goodgirlsgo.com

Titanic (1997): The steamed-up window that launched a thousand fanfics.

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blackswan_600x400 girl couple kiss image www.goodgirlsgo.com

Black Swan (2010): In between the horrifying hangnail incident and the rest of Darren Aronofsky’s ballet-related horror schlock, there was a brief moment of steamy respite in Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman’s sex scene.

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pleasantville_woman-600x400 image www.goodgirlsgo.com

Pleasantville (1998): In retrospect, Gary Ross’ Pleasantville feels a little heavy-handed, except for the scene in which Joan Allen’s Betty Parker masturbates to orgasm for the first time in the bath, and her black and white world suddenly explodes into colour.

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y-tu-mama-tambien1_image 600x400 www.goodgirlsgo.com

Y Tu Mamá También (2001): Alfonso Cuarón’s wonderful road movie has a number of ~moments~, but few compare with the film’s crescendo, a threesome between the much older Luisa (Maribel Verdú) and the barely legal Julio (Gael García Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna).

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breaking-dawn-couple play games image www.goodgirlsgo.com

The Twilight Saga – Breaking Dawn Pt 1 (2011): The bit before the bed-breaking bonking – perfect depiction of foreplay at its dumb, slightly embarrassing best.

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nine12weeks_couple image 600x400 www.goodgirlsgo.com

9½ Weeks (1986): Includes everything from Basinger’s strip tease to ‘You Can Leave Your Hat On’ to the hottest midnight fridge raid of all time.

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atonement_couple fucking in office image-600x400 www.goodgirlsgo.com

Atonement (2007): Proof that sometimes the sexiest sex scenes happen fully clothed.

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takethiswaltz_couple image-600x400 www.goodgirlsgo.com

Take This Waltz (2011): Michelle Williams’ character Margot has an (extended) sexual awakening when she finally gets it on with the dreamy Luke Kirby, not to mention a few extra men and women.

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Wayne-s-20World_bedroom scene image-600x400 www.goodgirlsgo.com

Wayne’s World (1992): Damned if there’s not a better example of how FUN sex can be than when Wayne finally gets into bed with Cassandra in her cool loft apartment, socks and all.

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ooo

Henry Sapiecha

So what happens when your kids walk in on you & you’re sprung

Tracey Spicer: "We'd avoided sex for a year for fear of being sprung. (Actually, that's not true. We were just too buggered to be bothered, most of the time.)"

Tracey Spicer: “We’d avoided sex for a year for fear of being sprung. (Actually, that’s not true. We were just too buggered to be bothered, most of the time.)”

As a child, there’s nothing more disgusting than learning about sex. I’m reminded of this while watching a hilarious video of parents asking kids, “So, where do babies come from?”

A five-year-old boy points to his Mum’s lap, saying, “There’s some kind of hole here, like an ig-a-loo.” When asked about how her aunty had a baby, one young girl declares, “It came out of her butt.”

A third, when prompted with, “You know the place between Mummy’s legs?” answers confidently, “Oh, the van-gina!”

Soon there’s a panoply of parents umming and ahhing about a “special dance” they do “under the sheets” with “no clothes on”. “That’s really disgusting, you know,” says a boy, crinkling his nose. Others bury their faces in their hands, or cover their ears, when they discover how the penis gets into the vagina.

We were forced to fast-track The Talk after our five-year-old daughter walked in on us. To be fair, we’d avoided sex for a year for fear of being sprung. (Actually, that’s not true. We were just too buggered to be bothered, most of the time.)

It happened during a family holiday in a small cabin on the NSW Central Coast. (You know, near The Entrance, yuk yuk. Benny Hill, eat your heart out.) Hubby and I thought the kids were watching cartoons, until we heard a small squeak. Yep, we’d forgotten to lock the bedroom door.

“Oh, I’m sure she didn’t see anything,” hubby reasoned. “And if she did, she wouldn’t have known what it was.” Wrong. Within minutes, Grace was in the room, giggling: “Hee-hee, you had scissor legs, Mummy. Was Daddy squashing you?”

“Er, no, darling, we were just having a cuddle,” I answered. “Do you want some chocolate?”

Gotta love distraction.

Sadly, the seed had been planted (in her mind, not my belly, I mean). So, on another holiday several years later, with the kids aged seven and nine, we decided to have The Talk.

There’s none of this “When a man and a woman love each other very much…” because, hey, it’s 2015, not 1915. And there are no euphemisms, like “pocket” for vagina or “thingy” for penis. And we don’t delve into details from the Kama Sutra.

It’s somewhat of a science lesson, involving sperm fertilising an egg, which implants in the uterus, forming an embryo. In order to do this, the penis must enter the vagina. Fortunately, they seem satisfied. Unlike me, when I misconceived my parents’ explanation.

I had it in my head that the man deposits his sperm on the bed and the woman sits on it. Kinda like a bird with its eggs. For years, I refused to sit on any man’s bed for fear of being impregnated. Thus began a series of unfortunate events, culminating in my first sexual experience at the age of 17.

As I was unable to sit on Eamonn’s bed – for obvious reasons – our early dates were destined to be in the back seat of a 1966 Toyota Corolla. Still, I managed to convince young Eamonn to come to my house one afternoon for a private viewing of the movie, The Blue Lagoon.

As Brooke Shields’ character, Emmeline, says to Richard, “You’re always staring at my buppies”, I made my move. Mimicking something I’d heard at school, I asked, “So, how about a root?” in a way I hoped was both sassy and sexy. (I am the queen of romance. Just ask my husband.)

I shan’t soil your minds with images of the spectacle that followed.

I suspect my children will face a similar fate. After all, whose first time is a bed of roses? But at least they’ll be able to use the appropriate terms, rather than, “Hey Mum, just taking my van-gina for a spin!”

I’M READING
I’m re-reading the classics at the moment. (Yes, I am a nerd. *Adjusts glasses*.) The latest is Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë or, should I say, Mr Ellis Bell, because female authors weren’t taken seriously at the time. The novel challenges the strict Victorian standards for women, exploring their egregious disempowerment, and I love the main character, Catherine, a “shape-shifting, Gothic demon”, according to feminist author Ellen Moers. Gotta love a woman like that.

I’M WATCHING
Aside from my usual diet of ABC TV’s 7.30 and Four Corners (see nerd confession, above), I’m waiting for the new series of Game of Thrones and House of Cards. Despite being middle-aged suburbanites, my hubby and I have taken to binge-watching these shows. Frankly, they’re our heroin. In fact, the kids have been known to berate us in the morning with, “You’re overtired because you stayed up all night watching that show about boobies” in the case of the former. I hasten to add that we enjoy the political machinations in both series, not just the boobies.

I’M PLANNING
To continue my frabjous* frolic in old and new media at Sky News, Fairfax, The Hoopla and the Australian Film, Television and Radio School. But my abiding passion is convening Women in Media, a networking and mentoring group aimed at amplifying female voices in the industry.

*One of my favourite words, a blend of fair, fabulous and joyous, from Lewis Carroll’s Jabberwocky.

oo

Henry Sapiecha

What rules if any for having sex as a divorced mum?

It might have more obstacles than it used to, but sex is still very much permitted.

It might have more obstacles than it used to, but sex is still very much permitted. 

So you’re a single parent and you’d quite like to have sex, please. Specifically, you’re a single mother, and you know the rules for single fathers are, like the rules for men in general, different and more advantageous. But this is not about men. It’s about you, the single mother. Where do you exist on the socio-sexual spectrum? Perhaps somewhere between nun, eunuch and self-pollinating flower?

It’s not that single mothers are not sexually alluring. You are a woman, after all, and therefore desirable. It’s just that the logistics are not in your favour. As well as taking a village to raise a child, it is also far easier to do it with two incomes, so as a single mother – already paid less than your male colleagues at the best of times – you’ll be both cash-poor and time-poor. That means skint and running ragged. Add to this the scapegoating of single mothers by the patriarchy – because everything from male crime statistics to the recession is your fault – and you may not be feeling too sexy, even if you had any energy or cash left over from working and parenting unaided, seven days a week.

But hey, you’re a woman, right? And women, despite what you’ve read, like sex as much as the next man. Plus, it was women who invented multitasking, so maybe it’s time to get back in the pool.

You and your kids’ dad are no longer together. Rumour has it that there are lots of available people out there also looking for sex, love and relationships. All you have to do is connect with one you like who likes you back. What could be easier? Apart from maybe finding a needle in a haystack during a blackout?

ooo

Welcome to the psychological warfare that is online dating. If you are 23, hot, and like to par-tay all night long, you will be inundated. If you are 43, and more Ikea than Ibiza, perhaps not so much, except by people who wear golf jumpers and enjoy bridge and a bit of light opera.

This is not to put anyone off online dating. It’s the best way to meet people, unless you are a 23-year-old clubber, but gird your loins in preparation, single mother. You will encounter a bewildering cross-section of dating humanity, from those who are dead keen then vanish as though abducted by aliens, to those who seem to need a psychiatrist rather than an online subscription, via all the fantasists who turn up 10 years older, 40 kilograms heavier and a foot shorter than advertised. Take none of it personally. It is all par for the course.

But having waded through the slug-infested dating pool, you may finally encounter someone you like who also likes you (the ratio seems to be that the older you are, and the more kids you have, the longer this process takes).

You’ve hit it off, and start dating exclusively. You have dinner, see a film, go for walks, visit galleries, all the usual datey stuff. And as you are both adults, you will sooner or later want to be adults together. Nakedly. And here begins the minefield.

Even if he doesn’t have kids himself, it’s still complicated. Where do you go to become intimate, to get to know each other in privacy and have some uninterrupted adult time? His place? Fine if you can get child care, which is usually pricey and means you have to schedule your intimacy time the way you schedule the dentist. Not very sexy. And as a single parent rather than a co-parent, can you ever truly turn your phone off?

So. Your place? Even if the kids are with their other parent (if they have one, that is), or with friends or family, the psychological clang of bringing a lover home for the first time can feel a bit weird. Even if your house is empty, it is still the house where you live with your kids (and possibly your pets/lodger/au pair/granny/foreign students). Can you navigate the overlap between family life and your re-emerging private life?

Here’s some free advice: have a tidy-up beforehand. You don’t want to be getting cosy on the sofa with your five-year-old’s toy trucks in your peripheral vision. Really, you don’t.

Coitus interruptus takes on a whole new perspective when it comes to single mothers and sex. From getting a phone call from the babysitter to tell you that little Johnny has a fever just as things are also heating up at your new chap’s place, to having your kids bang on the bedroom door because they are psychic and know that right now you are desperate for some privacy, be prepared for a plethora of interruptions.

If Mr Loverman reacts badly, he’s not a keeper; if he’s human, he’ll understand. Humour is essential throughout. And it’s not just your kids who will interrupt. If he has kids, they may prove equally tricky. I’ve had dinner cancelled at the last moment because of a teenage daughter throwing a tantrum; his, not mine. She didn’t want to share her dad with anyone. You absolutely cannot compete, nor should you even try.

“Friends and family come first in terms of practicalities,” says University of Sussex sociologist Charlotte Morris. A single mother herself, Morris’s PhD research is titled “Unsettled Scripts: Intimacy Narratives of Heterosexual Single Mothers”. She has interviewed dozens of women, and their stories all have one thing in common: balancing single motherhood with a lively private life is not for the faint-hearted.

“Most of the women I spoke with wanted to repartner, and got into internet dating,” she says. “But it turned out to be more complicated for many reasons: men who didn’t want commitment, who didn’t want to make room in their lives for children, or some who even thought the women were after their money. Other women who had been in long-term relationships found their new single status an opportunity to have fun, to experiment, to try different ways of being with other people.

“Some had ‘f… buddy’ relationships because it was easier: there were no strings attached, and it removed complication. Some tried same-sex relationships, and one woman realised after 20 years of marriage that she was gay. Other women loved the opportunity of pursuing sexual pleasure, and getting away from the motherhood identity, while others struggled and felt guilty.”

This guilt, she said, centred around the dual identities of woman and mother. Do fathers ever struggle with this kind of sexual guilt? None that I have ever heard of, ever, in my whole life. Not even slightly. Which is why many single mothers are fussy about who they connect with; not just to protect their children from any potential unpleasantness, but because maturity and experience may have made us pickier.

“The more professional end of the women I interviewed had less need for a man,” says Morris. “They were emotionally fulfilled by their kids, and economically independent, so meeting a man was really just for pleasure. This was a very positive finding, the enjoyment of the single life, especially when you consider the Bridget Jones phenomenon.” (That being single is not v good.)

The most important thing to come out of this research, Morris says, is that “as a woman, you are allowed to have a good time”. Which may sound obvious, but see “guilt, feelings of”, above. If your kids are a bit older, single-mother sex becomes a different kind of minefield. “My defining image of single-parent sex is sneaking someone into the house so that they don’t bump into your kids, just as teenagers would try to sneak people past their parents,” says Morris.

Which is probably why it’s not a great idea to bring a sex partner home if your kids are also home. Two reasons: it’s very hard to swing from the chandeliers when there are family members nearby, and also, while you may be very comfortable with no-strings sex, that’s because you are experienced and emotionally mature. Your kids may interpret things differently, although this is not to say that you take a vow of celibacy. Rather, acknowledge to them that you are as red-blooded as they are.

And what if your no-strings thing goes on to develop strings? When do you introduce your new man to your kids? When they have left home themselves? Never? Of course not. Just don’t make a big thing of it. Be neutral, relaxed, un-jittery. Don’t, whatever you do, smooch with him in front of them. It will give them the dry heaves. And don’t spring him on them: “Hey kids, this is X, we’re in love!” Ease him in gently.

Even if your kids have a healthy reaction to him, this may not be the case with his kids to you. They may hate you on sight, simply because you are not their mum. Remember, children’s culture is littered with wicked stepmothers. There’s little point in trying to ingratiate yourself with your lover’s kids; providing they are reasonably well adjusted, they will get used to you. Eventually.

One woman I know had her pot of face cream refilled with hair removal cream by a resentful teenage stepdaughter; what was worse than the resulting burns on her face was the fact that her boyfriend, the kid’s dad, pretended it hadn’t happened rather than confront the issue. Never force a parent to take sides; the child will always win. Would you ever consider a partner who tried to come between you and your children? Of course you wouldn’t.

But it’s not an either/or. Being a single mother does not mean you have to let go of your sexual self. Far from it. In her book Mating in Captivity, psychotherapist Esther Perel discusses how to maintain sexual heat in long-term relationships by carving out boundried erotic space; as a single parent, you have to do the same.

Make space, make time. As a mother, you are constantly thinking of your kids; to be the best mother you can be, put your own needs in front as well. Being sexually fulfilled will make you a better parent than being a martyred or overly self-sacrificing one. If you don’t know how to go about getting sexual fulfilled, ask someone who does. That’s what girlfriends are for.

Also, by maintaining what sociologist Catherine Hakim terms your “erotic capital” – that is, looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally – you will feel as good as you possibly can, and that is what you will transmit.

Ignore the naysayers, whether they are in the media or in your vicinity. Forget lazy, misogynistic terms on either end of the lazy, misogynistic term spectrum – from MILF and cougar to frumpy and mumsy – and instead get out there and live your life. Mother, lover, worker, the lot. We are all of these and more.

Source: The Irish Independent

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Henry Sapiecha

Selling & buying Sex In Heaven Full HD 1080p, Amazing Video Documentary

Published on 24 May 2014
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Hope in Heaven (2005) Mila works at Heaven, a little bar on blowjob alley in Angeles City, the Philippines; once the site of the United States Clark Air Force Base, now one of the busiest and sleaziest sex tourist destinations in Southeast Asia. She lives in tremendous hope that someday, some foreigner will rescue her and take her to America. This heartfelt, poignant documentary sheds light on a difficult subject matter which is sensitively narrated by Kiefer Sutherland.

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Henry Sapiecha

Male sexual entitlement is killing off women

Ben Moynihan was found guilty of stabbing three women.

Ben Moynihan was found guilty of stabbing three women.

Far too many men grow up thinking they are owed sex. That if they drive the right car, frequent the right clubs, say the right (“nice”) things, women will obligingly remove their clothes and grant them access to their bodies.

Cracked‘s David Wong nails the culture that encourages men to believe women owe them sex:

“We were told this by every movie, TV show, novel, comic book, video game and song we encountered. When the Karate Kid wins the tournament, his prize is a trophy and Elisabeth Shue. Neo saves the world and is awarded Trinity. Marty McFly gets his dream girl, John McClane gets his ex-wife back, Keanu “Speed” Reeves gets Sandra Bullock … Hell, at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman, Richard Gere walks into the lady’s workplace and just carries her out like he’s picking up a suit at the dry cleaner.”

When women veer off-script and refuse, the consequences can be tragic. This is where I get frustrated with those who refuse to take seriously the importance and impact of pop culture. Why is it so hard to accept that the media we consume helps to both construct our world and shape our perception of it?

But male entitlement is on open display in the real world also. It’s in the way women are told to smile by complete strangers, it’s in the catcalling, the harassment, the shockingly public incidents of molestation.

It’s in the irrational hatred directed at overweight women, as if being fat is a personal affront to men, and in the way society either looks the other way or vilifies women who dare to speak out. Our society abets male entitlement even as it denies its existence.

Entitlement. Rejection. Revenge. No matter how often the pattern repeats, the violence that ensues continues to be treated in isolation, as if existing in a void rather than in a culture that still glorifies an outdated view of masculinity and male sexuality.

We wring our hands searching for an explanation, even when the answer is staring us in the face– this violence is a result of men thinking they are entitled to access women’s bodies and, in the cases of domestic violence, to control women.

In just the last few days, I have come across two superficially different cases that, on closer inspection, follow this familiar pattern.

Last month in the UK, 17-year-old Ben Moynihan was found guilty of stabbing three women. Fortunately, all three survived. His motive? Moynihan told police that “all women need to die” because they were too “fussy.”

He gives further evidence in his diary, “I was planning to murder mainly women as an act of revenge because of the life they gave me, I’m still a virgin at 17.”

In other words, women wouldn’t give him the sex he thought was his right. So he tried to kill three of them. Where have we heard this before?

Unlike Moynihan, who didn’t know his victims, former US Coast Guard Adrian Loya knew his victims all too well. In a pre-planned attack, Loya entered the home of married couple Lisa and Anna Trubnikova and shot them both.

And his motive? He had been stationed with Lisa and Ann years earlier during their time in the Alaskan coast guard. He pursued Lisa who repeatedly rejected him. Even moving across the country to Cape Cod in Massachusetts could not save her from his unwanted advances. The Boston Globe reports:

“After the couple moved to the Cape, he continued to pursue her romantically,  although she showed no interest, relatives said. “He became obsessed,” one family member, who asked not to be identified, said. “He was fixated on her”.”

He thought he was entitled to her. She rejected him. As revenge, he shot her and her wife. Lisa did not survive.

We have to acknowledge this pattern. There is something in our culture (hint: it has something to do with our fetishisation of domineering masculinity) that gives rise to men who feel that violent rage is an appropriate response to women who take control of their sexuality.

Yes, women can be violent too. But they do not, in large numbers, try to kill men just because they rejected them. Men are not killed by their female intimate partners at anything approaching the rate of one per week in Australia and two per week in the UK. There is no corresponding global pattern of female violence against men. It simply does not exist.

Again, this is not an attack on men but a plea for an end to the way society idolises masculinity as a source of power.

It is a call for an end to a stunted view of female sexuality that downplays women’s pleasure, positioning them as little more than instruments for male gratification.

Incidents of male violence against women are not aberrations. They are not unexplainable, and most importantly, they are not unpreventable.

The culture of male entitlement is real and it is killing women. How many more have to be harmed before we admit it?

YES TO ORGASM FACES FOR ACTRESSES & HERE IS WHY

Ruth Wilson in The Affair,

Ruth Wilson in The Affair,

If you’ve not yet seen Ruth Wilson in The Affair, prepare yourselves. The series explores the escalation and subsequent fallout of an affair between a married teacher (played by Dominic West, aka ‘McNulty’) and a young, bereaved waitress (Wilson, in a captivating portrayal). Created by accomplished writer Sarah Treem, The Affair asks difficult questions about the longevity of love, the necessary selfishness of passion and the choices we make between being loyal and being happy.

Oh, and there’s a lot of sex.

In the usual televisual fare, that would mean a lot of ostentatious howling and simultaneous orgasms. According to Hollywood, bringing about climax in a woman is as simple as penetrating her for a minute or less (thanks, heternormativity!) until she wails like a banshee finding tortured release. This pantomime is echoed in mainstream pornography, where female orgasms are found in the money shot at the end of the rainbow. Given how these scenes are overwhelmingly written and directed by men, I’ve often been led to wonder if any of them have ever actually seen a woman come.

The famous o-face scene in When Harry met Sally.

The famous o-face scene in When Harry met Sally. Photo: Everett Collection/REX

But The Affair is different, because it portrays sex as a realistic interaction between flawed humans. Rather than performing intimacy, Wilson and West embody the complexities of sex. The backdrop of an ocean town in the Hamptons makes for an appropriate setting, because the bodies of Alison and Noah communicate with the same ebbs and flows of a temperamental tide.

The unique conceit of The Affair lies in its dual storytelling methods. Each episode is separated into two parts, both told from Alison and Noah’s own perspectives. The result is a fascinating reflection not only on the ways individuals perceive their own experiences but how men and women in particular might recall certain events. In Noah’s recollections, Alison’s sexual excitement is more animalistic and excitable than in her own memories, while she’s cast as the instigator of the affair. In contrast, Alison remembers herself wearing more modest clothing, a mother grieving for a dead child and being pursued by a city-dwelling writer bored with his marriage. But in both storylines, their sexual interaction is still primarily rooted in reality rather than fantasy.

One of the most memorable of these scenes opens at the tail end of Noah going down on Alison. She climaxes quietly, but there’s no sense that this has lessened the impact of her orgasm. She immediately pushes him away and cups her hands between her legs, telling him she’s too sensitive for him to keep going. If I hadn’t already known, I would have realised in that moment that it was a scene if not written by a woman, it was at the very least informed by one directing it.

There are other moments that excite too, purely because they are so rare. Although fleetingly displayed, the audience is still treated to some visual and aural indications of Noah’s own sexual pleasure. Despite the importance and esteem the necessity of the male orgasm seems to be held in in wider society and culture, it’s actually rare that we get to see men stripped back and made vulnerable under an external artistic gaze.

Wilson reflects on this inequality in an interview with Net-A-Porter. She says, “I have a big concern about how women are treated in the industry generally, and how they have to provide the titillation because penises can’t be seen on screen but breasts can. It’s assumed that women will get their breasts out, and have to get their breasts out, and I balk at that. It’s unnecessary and it’s unfair. So I kept insisting, ‘Why have I always got to do the orgasm face? There should be a male orgasm face. Why is it always the woman who’s orgasming? Let’s analyze the male orgasm. Why aren’t we thinking about that a bit more?’ It’s hard to make good sex scenes work – there are so many crap ones out there.”

This double standard extends all the way to the voyeurism industry. Pornography, overwhelmingly geared towards men, maintains a certain silence around the actual act of male orgasm, preferring instead to demonstrate it by having performers pull out and ejaculate all over supposedly eager women’s faces. It’s no surprise that a culture that so consistently speaks to a perceived male audience about the very precious experience of being male would shy away from exposing their most raw and erotic of moments. The wink-wink nature of mainstream art is directed at men on the other side of the fourth wall, not women; the fear of homoeroticism in a heteronormative world is so strong that any sign of witnessing and even enjoying passive male pleasure is considered a bridge to gaysville. Terror!

Pornography aside, women are the biggest consumers of television. The past decade has seen somewhat of a revolution for women on the small screen, with a far more diverse array of roles and storylines available that are still sadly lacking in cinema. But as well as embracing stories that are actually about us and treat us like complex participants in the human experience, women are no less interested in the thrill of titillation than men. Witnessing the surrender to sexual pleasure turns us on too. For many heterosexual women (and even a number of queer women) the sounds and sights of a man enjoying pleasure is hugely erotic. It’s partly why homosexual porn and slash fiction are so popular among straight women.

Let’s face it, breasts are becoming boring. Could it be that, against all reasons and odds, the male orgasm face is actually the last taboo? If so, I for one am looking exceedingly forward to that one being smashed over and over and over again.

Henry Sapiecha

DO GIRLS LIKE TO SWALLOW VIDEO???

Henry Sapiecha

GUY ASK 200 TOTAL STRANGERS WOMEN FOR SEX AS A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT IN THIS VIDEO

See how this guy scores or misses out when trying the direct approach with 200 different strangers when just asking for sex

cheater_male in suit image ww.goodgirlsgo.com

Woman asks Guys For Sex as a Social Experiment

Check out this chic asking guys as strangers for sex in this video

woman ask man for sex image www.goodgirlsgo.com

Henry Sapiecha

Are you worth your Cost to the man Per Orgasm?

Sex_romp in bed by couple image www.goodgirlsgo.com

‘Cost Per Orgasm’, the latest pick-up culture nonsense from misogynistic losers.

Dear all women,

The very notion of human value has a long and dignified history, until the first time someone swapped money for another human being over whose body they could exert complete control.

However, in these more sophisticated times it’s often difficult to know exactly how much someone is worth in dollar terms – which are the only terms that matter.

And sure, there are some useful rules of thumb – you’re worth 70% as much money as a comparable man, for example, going by the accepted gender disparity in Australian salaries – but what if you want to know specific dollar amounts? Are you economically worth it, in the eyes of men (which are the only eyes that matter)?

Well, you’re in luck!

Dawson Stone – a brilliant economist and sociologist and definitely not a sad, terrified little man peddling pick-up culture nonsense on the internet – has come up with a helpful metric by which men can work out whether you’re worth ejaculating inside of.

(The site is here, and you can click on it if you must, but remember: your clicks are only worth 0.7 of a man’s click, and why must you women go disturbing men with your intrusive page views?)

“Here is how it works. You tally up 100% of the money you spend on a woman during the course of ‘dating’ her and divide that amount by the number of times you have sex with her.” 

He then breaks it down into how the sort of shitty semi-male who doesn’t even realise how much women are just wasting their time when clothed might fare:

“If you are a traditional beta male, you buy a woman three expensive dinners at ~$200 each, and try to close her on the third date. If you were successful and had sex twice, your CPO would be $300 ($200 * 3 / 2). As a beta, there is a decent chance you don’t even close. You could argue that you should only use the money spent on her (divide the numbers in 1/2) and your CPO is still $150.”

Because he is awesome and cool, he explains that his is obviously better. And why would he – a forty-something year old man who’s attempting to sell you his patented pick-up tips on the internet – have any motivation to lie?

“I have diligently tracked my CPO for the last 4 months. It was $44.15, $20.82, $36.75 and $37.20… My CPO might seem a bit high, but in my defense, I always have 1-2 women in my monthly rotation that are out-of-towners. In fact, in my most recent 4-month period I had an unusually high number of women (eleven) that were out-of-towners. Most of them are struggling college students, so I do buy their plane ticket. But I plan in advance and can usually get a ticket for between $200-$250. If it wasn’t for this variable, my average CPO would be closer to $10-$12.”

Numbers don’t lie, ladies. And it’s worth remembering that these are American dollars, so at current exchange rates you should really be looking to get a man off at least once for every $12.91 he spends in your vicinity.

Now, there are worthless semi-men who might respond “But Dawson, what if I disagree with the notion that all romantic interactions with other people can be reduced to a direct financial exchange, since I am not a broken, hideous monster angrily cry-wanking on a blog about how scared I am of women?”

Because Dawson is very, very smart, he’s already thought of that.

“Sex is about money! If sex wasn’t about money there wouldn’t be alimony, child support, pre-nups, palimony, engagement rings, and weddings that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. I could go on forever.”

And that’s a great point: so the lesson that Dawson Stone has taught us is that sex is, frankly, too expensive.

Why, not only are we internet sex-alphas expected to break a $20 bill every time we shrug one out, then there’s also alimony, child support, and weddings that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Heck, I could go on forever!

Fortunately, there’s a cheaper way to get the most bang for the least buck for awesome cool guys like Dawson that find dealing with women an onerous and tiresome condition for getting the sex to which they’re naturally entitled.

A 60-sheet box of Kleenex Facial Tissues Extra Care is a mere $2.40 (and they’re the ones with aloe vera in them – go on, treat yourself!). Divide that by 20 orgasms (at three sheets per: one to collect the ejaculate; two for the lonely, lonely tears) and it gives you a CPO of a mere 12 cents per orgasm! You can’t beat that price!

You’re welcome, Dawson. No need to thank me – not least since I’m sure you’re already across this, in both a metaphorical and stickily biological sense.

Wash your hands before writing your next economic opus, though, there’s a good chap.

Henry Sapiecha

THINGS A WOMAN SHOULD SAY TO A MAN WHEN YOU ARE HAVING SEX

man woman in bed sexy pose image www.goodgirlsgo.com

First things first: Men don’t really need to hear anything. (By the time we’re naked, we’re not really dwelling on the quality of the conversation.) That said, there’s no harm in making a full-frontal moment even more blissful by boosting your guy’s confidence or revealing something sexy about yourself. Arousal is driven by the brain, after all. So words that put us in a sexier frame of mind can lead to very pleasant results. The next time your man bares all, try one (or all) of these hot lines.

“I want you.” We probably wouldn’t be in this situation if we weren’t already about to have sex, but it’s nice to know that you’re still interested now that you’ve seen our pale thighs and spotty chest hair.

“Your chest/stomach/back is amazing.” Hey, we’re not working out for our health. Well, actually we are working out for our health, but we’re also working out because we want you to notice the little muscles sprouting up under our skin.

“There’s not an imperfection on your body.” If you can’t figure out exactly where to direct your compliment, this Hail Mary approach works just fine. Actually, it works even better.

“Tell me what you like.” This tells us that you’re willing to try new things, and that you want our sex life to be experimental. And trust me—if you try your guy’s kinky suggestions, he’ll try yours.

“That’s one handsome penis.” There’s something about an absurd compliment that feels totally sincere, like there’s no possible way you’re just quoting something you heard in a romcom. So feel free: We accept all forms of bizarre flattery relating to any part of our body or sexual performance. Plus you’ll introduce a little humor, and that’s never a bad thing.

“You can do whatever you want.” A line like this is guaranteed to make a man’s mind wander to some amazing places. Of course—only say it if you mean it (and totally trust this guy).

“I have a condom.” There’s not a damn thing wrong with a woman who can take charge of her sexual health. It lets us know that when we sleep with you, we’re not sleeping with all the other men you’ve slept with.

“You feel so good inside me.” The average guy knows he’s working with average sized equipment. But he wants to believe that he’s using that equipment in such an extraordinary way that you’re never left wishing he had another inch or two to work with. So yeah, a little reassurance is nice.

“Oh oh oh!” Because—like I said—90 percent of the time, we don’t even really need lots of compliments. In those cases, an enthusiastic moan will do wonders.

Henry Sapiecha

THESE ARE THINGS YOU NEVER SAY TO A MAN WHEN HE & YOU ARE NAKED

never-say-naked-man_woman on man image www.goodgirlsgo.com

There are two reasons men get naked: to get clean, and to get laid. Most of the time, when a guy gets naked in front of you, it’s for the second reason. Or maybe he’s about to go skinny-dipping, which—technically—has the potential to achieve both goals. In any case, a guy who disrobes before you trusts you, and he really cares what you think. Now, I know you’re way too smart to actually utter any of these phrases next to a nude dude, but just in case, here’s a little refresher:

Why aren’t you hard yet? Hey, sometimes we need to warm up slowly! But now that you asked, we’re too self-conscious and stuck inside our own head to finish the job. If we were a little too drunk, now we’re way too drunk. If we were a little too tired, suddenly our eyelids feel like anvils. It’s fine to think this one, but please don’t ask.

Are you going to get off? Same thing here—as soon as you ask, it’s definitely not happening. Sensitive sex mishaps are best dealt with delicately. If you think he’s struggling, just slow down and give him a chance to rethink his attack. Odds are he just needs a new position, a new rhythm, or a helping hand.

Oh! I have to take this call! Chances are you don’t. You’re choosing to though, and that’s kind of a boner killer.

Don’t worry—it’s cold in here. OK, OK, let’s not patronize us, alright? We’re probably already well aware of the cold and its effects. And even if it’s not cold—well, sometimes shrinkage happens for reasons we can’t explain. Maybe we just had a big workout, and all our blood is routed to our muscles. Or a big meal, and all our blood is in our stomach. We don’t know, OK? We’re not scientists!

Do you love me? Of course we love you! We love you more than the internet loves cats! Or, you know, if this is a casual thing, at least we do right now. But if you want a truly honest answer, ask us later, when we’re not so naked.ast try to phrase this in a way that doesn’t sound like we’re going to compete with some other guy’s go-to move. It’s perfectly OK to tell us what to do without also explicitly telling us that you know it from experience—like whispering in our ear how much you want us (us!) to do something to you.

Guys usually love it when I… Again, this just has a bad ring to it. Would you like it if we brought up all the girls we hooked up with while you’re naked? Didn’t think so.

I have something important I need to tell you… Bad news sounds worse when you’re naked—and we’re also less likely to give it the full weight it deserves. So whether you’re married, you’re still in love with your ex boyfriend, you’re a lesbian, you have an infectious STI, you had sex with our best friend, or anything else totally serious, please—tell us while our clothes are still on.

Wow—guys are really hairy. Any time you say “guys are …” when you’re next to our naked body, we know you’re talking specifically about us. We know not all guys are really hairy. We also know that we are. Thanks for making a point to tell us.

You should really watch Magic Mike with me. Really? Now? Channing?

So tell me about your last breakup. Really? Now? Relationship talk?

I really need to clean this apartment. This has to stop. Chances are your guy didn’t tear off his shirt to show you his meandering happy trail. He probably wants to jump your bones, and any random tangents make us feel like we’re less than exciting and not exactly great at keeping your attention. If you want to talk about something important pre-sex, may I suggest what position you’d like to try first?

Actually, I’m not really in the mood anymore. Well that is information we could have used before we hurled our jeans across the room in a flamboyant display of passion. So pardon while we step off into the bathroom for a few minutes. We have a thing to attend to.

THESE ARE SOME OF THE WAYS YOUNG GIRLS ARE BEING SCREWED UP WITH OUR FEAR OF SEX

Teens in love head pic image www.goodgirlsgo.com

The most panicked calls and emails that I receive from parents are the ones that go something like this: “We just found K-Y lubricant in my daughter’s room! We are furious and terrified. How soon can we see you?!”

We could replace the K-Y Jelly with any number of signs of sexual “awakening” or activity, and they would all be equally unsettling for many parents of girls. The uncomfortable and scary feelings that come up often lead us to imagine locking her in her room until she’s thirty (or at least twenty-one), just so that we don’t have to deal with it.

Fear leads some parents to take extreme, restrictive actions that can be more damaging than they are protective because they tell her it is wrong for her to have sexual desires. We perpetuate the absurd notion that female sexuality is either nonexistent or shameful, and ultimately, we prompt her to disconnect from her body—the same one we that want her to love and protect.

Given that the healthy sexual development of our girls is an absolutely fundamental part of their healthy development overall, failing as her guides in this realm means screwing her up on multiple levels—so we need to get it together. This is a really tough one for many of parents, because our thoughts and feelings around the subject of sex are loaded with programming.

The way in which we, as women and men, see ourselves as sexual beings has been determined largely by this programming, and it quickly makes its way to the surface and affects the way in which we perceive our daughters as they begin to discover and explore their sexuality.

The average mum is terrified that her daughter’s sexual activity will deem her a “slut,” and the average dad knows that she could be objectified by boys and men, just as he was programmed to do. Both are terrified—whether they can define it or not—that this objectification of their daughter will make her a target for ridicule, abuse, rape, or worse. In some cases there is even concern about her behavior bringing shame to her family! We begin to ooze this fear from the mument we even think about our daughter’s entry into this realm.

And how does all this fear impact a girl’s perception of herself? There are six really big and very connected problems with all this fear swirling around a girl’s budding sexuality:

1. Human beings rarely make wise choices from a place of fear. Rather, we make rash, unreasonable, extreme choices that often yield the opposite results of what we were hoping for. In this case, our fears can lead us to make poor parenting choices that fail to protect our daughters. Simply saying “no” or implementing extreme restrictions first and foremost makes her associate the feeling of shame with her sexuality.

Second, it will lead her to stop asking questions and seeking accurate information about sex. This puts her at much higher risk for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Third, it can prompt her to explore in more secretive, less supervised, and less safe settings, like the back seat of someone’s car.

2. Because she will undoubtedly feel our fear, she will naturally make associations between her sexual desires and fear. Imagine if in the weeks and months leading up to her first day of kindergarten, you were exuding fear. She would naturally view going to kindergarten as something scary, and this would hinder her ability to be fully present and capable of getting the most out of the experience.

In the case of her sexual development and desires, she makes the same association, and she, too, becomes more apt to make choices from a place of fear rather than ones rooted in strength and clarity. (Think: “I was afraid he wouldn’t like me if I said ‘no.’”)

3. With this strong message from her parents and myriad similar messages out in the world in tow, by the time she reaches middle school, she begins to face a very common dilemma. She realizes there are only two paths to choose from when it comes to her sexuality, and both are dangerous. She will be shamed for being a “prude” or a “tease” if she isn’t sexually active, and she will be shamed for being a “slut” or a “whore” if she is. No matter what, she’s still expected to be sexy.

In either case, someone other than herself is dictating what is acceptable or unacceptable sexual behavior. This frequently leads a girl to feel a lack of power over her own sexuality, and she will begin to disconnect from her sexual desire and, inevitably, from her body. (Deborah Tolman speaks to this dilemma at length in Dilemmas of Desire.)

4. When a girl disconnects from her sexuality and her body, several things happen that put her in danger. She stops being the gatekeeper of her body. She stops being actively responsible for listening to what feels good and what doesn’t, determining who touches her and how, and fiercely protecting herself.

Instead, she explains away her sexual behavior as having “just happened” (easily explained away if she gets “drunk” first). She defers to what someone else determines feels good or doesn’t, and she is much less likely to insist that protection is used if it does “just happen.” 2

5. This also sets our boys up to receive mixed messages they are underprepared to interpret. When a girl doesn’t feel like she can own her sexuality and be in charge of her sexual desires without shame, she will expect the boy to take the lead. This can prompt a boy to think that he has permission to go way further than he actually does.

Couple that with the societal (“Man Box”) message that he is supposed to be dominant and that he’s a “faggot” if he’s not, and you’ve got a recipe for sexual aggression. Current studies show that as many as one in three high school girls has been sexually assaulted by a dating partner. None of us wants this for our daughters, nor do we want our sons to learn about this sexual dilemma through a rape charge.

6. Lastly, all this fear, feeding on itself and growing, leads us to over-manage and under-value female sexuality. We perpetuate the shaming and subject our girls and our boys to the same programming that has been passed from generation to generation—and once again, the cycle continues.

The impact that these fears have on a girl’s development—sexual, psychological, physical, and emotional—is extremely detrimental and there is a strong likelihood that she will carry this disconnection from a core part of her being well into adulthood. We simply cannot underestimate how important it is that we ensure that she has every opportunity to become a well-informed, shame-free, sexual being.

Henry Sapiecha

PAMELA ANDERSON REVEALS PAINFUL MEMORIES OF EARLIER SEX ABUSE

‘I did not have an easy childhood’: Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson reveals her painful history of sex abuse at the launch of her charity foundation in Cannes.

Pamela Anderson attends an event in Cannes image www.goodgirlsgo.com

The revelation came as she unveiled the Pamela Anderson Foundation, which will focus on the environment and animal rights, in front of more than 200 people during the film festival in France on Friday.

I wanted off this earth.

Anderson, 46, said her past had prompted her love of nature.

“I feel now might be the time to reveal a few of my most painful memories. At the risk of over-exposing myself, again, or being inappropriate, again, I thought I might share with you why I am doing this,” the Baywatch star said.

Anderson has previously revealed she was raped when she was 12, but she detailed a further string of abusive incidents, alleging she was molested by a female babysitter at the age of six and gang-raped as a teen.

“I did not have an easy childhood. Despite loving parents, I was molested from age six by a female babysitter … I went to a friend’s boyfriend’s house and his older brother decided to teach me backgammon, which led into a back massage, which led into rape. My first heterosexual experience. He was 25 years old and I was 12.”

pamela-anderson-image www.goodgirlsgo.com

She then added that a high school teenager “decided it would be funny to gang-rape me with six friends. I wanted off this earth.”

British fashion designer Vivienne Westwood was on hand to support her friend, but admitted the revelations came as a shock to her.

She told Britain’s The Guardian newspaper: “I did not know she had been through all of that. I have known her a long time now and we are really close.

Henry Sapiecha

THE 23 ESSENTIAL THINGS ALL WOMEN & GIRLS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THEIR VAGINA

womans small gstring panties black image www.goodgirlsgo.com

Some info collected what we hope are all the essential things you should know about your vagina. It’s not usually a subject we talk about amongst friends, and oft times we are too embarrassed to seek advice from a medical professional. It’s also hard to admit we might be a wee bit ignorant about the most intimate part of our body. Here are the essential things you should know about your vagina.

1. Vulva Variety

The first of the things you should know about your vagina is that there is no right or wrong ‘look.’ The vulva are the outer lips of your vaginal area and every woman’s vulva is different. You might have plump, curvy vulva or thin, elegant vulva. Embrace your shape – all vulva are beautiful and unless you are in discomfort or a porn star, there‘s no reason to consider labiaplasty (vaginal rejuvenation surgery).

2. Pee is for Penis

Men urinate through their penis. However, women do not pee through their vagina. Your bladder empties through the urethral opening, which is under the clitoris and above the vaginal opening.

3. Clots Are Normal

Menstrual blood can sometimes be a bit freaky as it doesn’t flow like blood from elsewhere in the body. This is because the ‘blood’ is actually uterine lining. The womb lining is rich with blood in readiness to make a safe and healthy home for a fetus, so clotted blood is normal during your period. You need not be concerned unless the clots are large, heavy and bleeding is prolonged.

4. Discharge is Normal Too

Another of the things to know about vaginas is that discharge is completely natural, but there’s also no need to be concerned if you don’t have any. The amount of discharge varies greatly from woman to woman and also varies at different times during the menstrual cycle. If, however, you have itching, burning and odor together with discharge, it is best to seek medical attention.

5. Dead End

Your vagina is a two way street but it is a cul-de-sac. The vagina leads to the womb and nowhere else. Anything entering your vagina cannot access anywhere else in your body. If you have lost something in your vagina you can retrieve it but never use any kind of tool. And always, always remember to take out the last tampon of your period, otherwise you put yourself at great risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome – check out info on TSS here: nhs.uk.

6. Fall out

One of the facts about vaginas you may not know is that it can “fall out.” In what is known as a pelvic prolapse, your vagina can turn inside out and hang between your legs. But no need to fret – it can be corrected.

7. Like a Virgin

Sorry girls, but once it’s gone, it stays gone. Losing your virginity is a one-time only offer. Losing your virginity refers to the breaking of the hymen, a membrane that partially closes the vagina – and yes, it can be broken by things other than penile penetration, but you remain a virgin until your first act of sexual intercourse.

8. Musclebound

Your vagina is a muscle and contracts and stretches just like other muscles do. And just like other muscles, if you don’t use them, you lose them. Regular sex is enough of a workout, but post-menopause, the fragile vaginal tissue is prone to scarring and shrinking, so if you’re a lady of a certain age and don’t have a partner for a prolonged period of time, it is best to invest in a battery-operated boyfriend.

9. Wow- Stretchy

While on the subject of muscles, the vagina muscle is incredibly stretchy for birthing. This can leave you feeling loose. If your vagina isn’t as tight as you like, or is suffering from being a bit goosey loosey after you’ve had kids, vaginal exercises can do wonders. Known as Kegel exercises, get to work by contracting and relaxing 10 times for 3 sets a few times a day. If you’re not sure, try to stop the flow of urine when you pee – that will demonstrate exactly what you need to be doing.

10. To Douche or Not to Douche?

There is no need to douche. Another of the things to know about your vagina is that it has a signature smell that is unique to you. Why would you want to mask that smell with douches that smell like rose petals or the ocean? If you are douching because you have a particularly strong odor and it is accompanied by discharge, it could be the sign of an infection, so instead of reaching for a douche spray, seek medical advice.

11. Lubrication

You are not abnormal if you need to use lubricant during sex and many women experience this as they age. A dry vagina can make sex uncomfortable and a real turn off. There are plenty of lubricants – synthetics like KY Jelly or natural ones like Astroglide, which is made from coconut oil. Turn your dry problem into fun by using flavored lubes.

12. Ouch

You should not feel pain when you have sex. One of the obvious facts about your vagina is that it is specifically designed for sex. That is its function. Don’t put up with painful sex and do not suffer in silence – see your gynecologist or MD.

13. Ejaculation

One of the controversial facts about vaginas is female ejaculation. Yes, females ejaculate. And again, it doesn’t make you abnormal if you don’t or haven’t yet. There are two explanations of female ejaculation. If your ejaculation is a small amount and of a milky consistency, it is likely a discharge from the paraurethral glands in response to orgasm. If it is a decent amount it is more likely to be urine caused by contractions of the bladder. In many cases it is a combination of both.

14. Orgasms

Not every woman experiences orgasm and few attain it purely from penetration. Orgasm is usually generated by clitoral stimulation either with the fingers or finding the perfect position during penetration. The reason the rabbit vibrator is so successful is because it provides the perfect combination of penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time.

15. G-Spot

One of the things you should know about your vagina is, although you have a G-Spot, it isn’t always easy to find. Many women spend their sexual lives searching for that elusive sweet spot that is meant to be the key to orgasm. Apparently, the best way to find it is stimulate the front wall of your vagina using come hither motion with your finger. But, if you can’t locate it, it won’t stop you having great sex.

16. Embarrassing Noises

This is one of these unforgiving facts about vaginas. Vaginal farts (aka varts) are normal, healthy and absolutely nothing to worry about – albeit they can be somewhat embarrassing.

17. STIs

Your vagina is precious and you should treat it with respect. Did you know that you can catch sexually transmitted diseases and infections even if you use condoms? During sex, the vulva are exposed to and come into contact with the genital area and scrotum, which may be infected with herpes, genital warts, chlamydia or worse. Rule – choose your partners carefully and seek medical help at the very first sign of any symptoms of an STI.

18. Sex is Healthy

Safe sex is good for you. Sex can put a smile on your face but it can also reduce your risk of heart disease, bolster your immune system, reduce your risk of breast cancer, improve your fitness, help you sleep, lower stress levels, make you appear more youthful and improve your self esteem.

19. Fashion Accessory

Although the vagina is not usually a topic of conversation and is still kept private and under wraps, it has in more recent times become a part of the body where appearance is now more considered. There’s a multitude of choices if you want to “decorate” your vagina – waxing, piercing, tattooing, and shaving. Your choice!

20. Smear Test

The last of the things you should know about your vagina that I want to share with you is about Pap smear tests. Grit your teeth and bear with because it’s important as it tests for cervical cancer. However, bear in mind that what it doesn’t test for is ovarian cancer, uterine cancer or any non-vaginal but connected areas.

21. It Gets Wrinkles Too

As we age, our face isn’t the only thing that does. Our vaginas can develop wrinkles especially as we near age 45 or 50. This happens simply because our skin loses muscle tone and the labia changes in appearance. It becomes less plump, because less estrogen is being produced in the body. The labia are the fatty pads of the vagina that house collagen. Collagen is the fibers of the skin that show wrinkles, or help us look youthful. When estrogen decreases, collagen production dissipates, which leads to wrinkles.

22. It Can Change Colors

Again, our face isn’t the only thing that ages with time. Just like we develop age spots, so does our vagina. The skin of the vulva lighten or darken in color. It’s nothing to be afraid of, and most likely, the change is hardly noticeable.

23. G-spot or C-Spot

The G-spot of the vagina is often discussed as being the spot that causes a woman to orgasm. Men see it as their mission to help find a woman’s G-spot during intercourse, and most women are familiar with their own. Yet, what neither most men or women know, is that although the G-spot is real, it is actually just the clitoris of the vagina and really not some secret hidden part that exists on its own. I guess we should possibly start calling it the C-spot?

I hope you’ve found these facts about vaginas educational.

Henry Sapiecha

HOW TO TELL IF HE IS INTO ME ONLY FOR SEX – 21 SIGNS

man woman kiss image www.goodgirlsgo.com

I hear so many of my friends talking about how they met a guy and had wonderful sex and then the guy only calls or comes by when he wants sex. OK honey what you need to know is that what you had with him was a physical attraction that magnified feelings of a deeper nature. Now let me make myself clear he is not a bad guy, for the most part, he was simply thinking “it’s just sex what’s the harm in that”. So here are some super signs to look for to see if it is just sex:

1. Every Time You See Each Other It’s Only to Have Sex

So many women and men are having this type of relationship thinking that it’s more and it’s not. It’s Just Sex.

2. Only Comes over at Night

They call you around 10 pm or later asking if you can come over or if they can come over around midnight. A lot of people think “oh they are just really busy” no they are calling for a booty call. It’s Just Sex.

3. Doesn’t Want to Go out Anywhere

Yes staying at home is nice sometimes but there is a whole world outside of the bedroom. It’s Just Sex

4. Never Talks about Family and Friends

Think, do you even know if their parents are alive, do they have siblings. If you don’t know it might just be sex

5. Doesn’t Want to Hear about Your Family and Friends

Are you bummed out about your family and want to talk about it and they don’t want to hear about it. It could be just sex

6. Phone Conversations or Text Messages

Are Only in a Sexual Nature

Do you only swap sexy texts or photos? Some relationships are like this but others are Just Sex.

7. You Only Meet at Places Where Sex Can Occur

Only going to their house/apartment or vice verse might just be sex.

8. No Sleepovers

They come over at midnight have sex and then around 2 am they want to go home or send you home. Oh yeah it’s just sex.

9. You Don’t Eat Together

Ever hear that old saying “a couple that eats together stays together”.

10. They Take a Shower Right after Sex and

Send You on Your Way

Normally you want to rest a bit and maybe talk. When they all of a sudden they want you to leave it’s probably just sex.

11. Never Talk about Life outside the Bedroom

There are so many other things going on that you could talk about.

12. You Only Have a Cell Phone or Beeper Number

It could be Just Sex

13. When You Talk It’s Only to Setup a Sex Time

Ever call then and setup a time to meet and you end up having sex. It’s Just Sex.

14. They Avoid You in Public

You see them and you know they saw you and they turn away. It’s Just Sex.

15. Only Spends a Couple of Hours with You

Only spend enough time with you to have sex. Then It’s Just Sex.

16. There is No Quality Time

No matter how busy he says he is, if was serious about the two of you he’d make an effort to spend time with you outside the bedroom.

17. He Keeps His Distance

He makes sure the two of you never get too close emotionally by keeping things from you. If you tell him you like it when he does a certain something, he’ll stop because he wants to keep things casual emotionally.

18. He Tells You so

Has he ever straight-up told you that he’s not interested in anything serious and just wants to play the field? He wouldn’t be saying these things if it weren’t true!

19. You Initiate All Communication

If it’s not about sex, all communication is likely to come from you. Are you the only one suggesting dates? Are you the only one who tries to start a real conversation when the two of you are together?

20. He Doesn’t Care if He Hurts Your Feelings

If you get visibly upset about the lack of communication or closeness between you two and doesn’t care, he probably doesn’t care about you, either.

21. He Cheats

Or should I say he has multiple sex partners that he’s not very private about. If the guy is openly having sex with multiple partners, it is definitely not a relationship.

Henry Sapiecha

 

HAVE WOMEN BEEN PROGRAMMED OVER MANY YEARS TO SHUT DOWN ON WHAT THEY EXPECT OUT OF SEX

PROGRAMMED TO SHUT DOWN  ?  
woman relaxing in hammock image www.goodgirlsgo.com
There are some threads of truth in the notion that we thinking women need long-slow-sensually motivated strokes of pure male genius fingers, acting as feelers in the hope that the man’s mind will know our every urge. However, that is a mind blowing fantasy that could be possible!!
Yes, allot of males have no clue to what a female really wants because most of the time, that part of their body and mind are locked up in old programmed ways nicely molded by a generation prior.
How would we all be, if none of us were allowed to speak about how we ‘feel’ in regard to what kind of clothes, car, house, T.V Shows, etc.etc. we were attracted to. There is strong doubt that not too many males or females would go too well in that thought bubble process. We all need to express ourselves and that has been proven many a time over insofar as ‘expression’ in it’s “full bloom”, breaks the pattern of oppression, which in turn takes away allot of ‘depression.’
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Half of the issues wrap around girls feeling unsatisfied with their SEX life, is due to them NOT speaking up and sharing how they really feel about their views on LIFE -LOVE- MADNESS- EXCITEMENT- WHATEVER and their BODIES.
Wiping out the negative images of ourselves and negative thoughts our minds have collected over the years is a  good start.  Most of the thoughts were  were largely and happily passed on to us by our Parental-Guardianship. Their mind chatter and what they taught us about our bodies, is the first step in us getting to know our bodies. For the most, we females have been brought up to believe that the right way to think (fueled by our Authoritative Figures), is their way of the highway.
Do your sexual body a favor.  It’s a good idea to start with clearing out the “old has been” thought lines  and make room for your OWN natural thoughts on your body to emerge.  Your own true thoughts are what you choose to listen to and what you choose to disregard as not resonating with the whole of you as a person.
For most of us as females, our own true self has probable been laying dormant since the day we hit puberty and got that first RUSH of sexual SPUNK, followed by that little voice inside that whispered… “NO ! PUT that sweet feeling away !!” “Be a lady!” ” You will be punished!” “If I catch you!”
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What that little voice was really saying was… “I want to know what this big sensual, sexual buzz is all about but I am not allowed and I am afraid!.”
It is that first feeling in the body, where the mind realizes it was programmed to shut down. That is the moment, most of we females lost ourselves in the fear of the the thought of ‘loving sex’.”
Remember those dominant thoughts that stopped you from allowing yourself to feel yourself out, with a trusting boyfriend and find out what ‘orgasm’ is all about? If you want to know why your boyfriend or partner or husband is not fulfilling your needs in the bedroom, it’s because you haven’t cleaned out the toxic waste in your mind long enough to fee free enough to speak up and explore for yourself.
If your man really thinks allot about you, he will come to the party.
The only thing that has stopped a woman from attracting the right man into her life that she CAN explore and have fun with, is her own toxic thoughts about herself that don’t even belong to her. Give your body what it wants. Not what is was drowned in.
Think sex with – Mind – heart – Body – spirit- Soul
SEX SHOP LINGERIE BANNER-78
There’s some dribble for you
Michelle
If you have some responses to this article please write to..HERE

WOMAN’S GUIDE TO THE FEMALE ORGASM

Dr Gabrielle Morrissey discusses the parts that trust, honesty and attention play in achieving an orgasm.

THE ORGASMIC WOMANS FACE IMAGE www.goodgirlsgo.com

(Q) I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months, but I’m less experienced than him – which is intimidating. I’ve only ever slept with three guys and have never had an orgasm with any of them. Is this common? Is there a way I can fix it? Reaching orgasm has never been important to me, but it is for him and I don’t want to hurt his ego.

(A) Less than 30 per cent of women orgasm during sexual intercourse, and many find it difficult to orgasm through oral sex and other forms of sex play. As a result, nearly 45 per cent of women admit to faking orgasm while making love.

It’s important at the start of a sexual relationship not to fake arousal or climax. This only starts a vicious cycle of lack of pleasure for you, and less chance of orgasm, because you’re sending the message to your partner that what they are doing (which isn’t working) is what helps you climax.

ORGASM HEAD BACK

There could be several causes for you never reaching orgasm.

Perhaps none of your partners stimulated you the way you need to be to reach climax. Do you know what kind of stimulation it takes to achieve climax? Can you bring yourself to orgasm? It also might be that the stimulation is there, but you are unable to relax. Often, fear is a factor in preventing a woman from letting go into orgasm.

She may be self-conscious about her body, she may hold negative sexual messages about pleasure, and/or she might be afraid to be vulnerable and trusting with her partner. She might be afraid of intimacy and letting someone else bring her to full pleasure.

If any of these apply to you, it’s important to discuss it honestly with your partner. The more he understands what is preventing you from climaxing, the better you are both able to explore your pleasure together. However, if you feel the issue has more to do with a lack of the right kind of physical stimulation, open communication about what feels good to you is important.

It’s often important for a woman to feel aroused mentally and physically, beyond the genitals, in order to climax, so explore each other’s erogenous zones from tip to toe. Mind-blowing sex takes investment, attention and action. If you both want to have orgasms together, then rather than making it a goal each time, make it a discovery process you both invest in.

AAA

Henry Sapiecha

WOMAN TELLS HER STORY OF BEING RAPED IN AFRICA

A love of adventure drew Philippa Strickland to the ancient island of Lamu, off the Kenyan coast. It was beautiful and captivating but, as she discovered, even paradise has a dark side.

Philippa Strickland on hiking trip image www.goodgirlsgo.com

He seized me with his left arm while his right hand brandished a knife at my throat. I tried to grab it, but the blade sliced across my fingers. I’d first noticed this man moments earlier staring at me as I left a nearby restaurant after breakfast. We were alone on this path. Before I could think or act, everything went black.

When I could see again, I was on the floor and he was straddling me as he adjusted a balaclava on his head. His build was unimposing but, in his right hand, he still held the knife and now pointed the tip of it down at my chest. I wasn’t so much scared as dazed by what I saw, convinced it was a delusion I just had to wait out.

What’s happening?” I asked. Hearing my own voice, I realised this was no dream. The sounds were too clear, the colours too vivid and the smells too intense: the stench of human excrement filled my nostrils. I looked around. I was lying underneath an overturned wooden boat that had been propped against a wall to create a makeshift public toilet. How did I get here?

Confusion and panic overwhelmed me, stunning me into submission. “What do you want from me?” He put his face close to mine. “I only want one thing,” he replied and his eyes darted down to my hips. My heart began to thump, my terror palpable in this closed-off world. I started to plead with him, “Please don’t do this to me.”

He pressed his hand heavily over my mouth and looked piercingly into my eyes: “I have two men out there watching for me. If you make any noise, I will tell them to come here. Do you want one man raping you or three?”

Philippa Strickland with a local woman in east Africa-image www.goodgirlsgo.com

I’d arrived on Lamu Island, off the north-east coast of Kenya, the previous afternoon, September 4, after travelling 24 hours from Nairobi on overcrowded buses along dusty, potholed, dirt roads and, finally, by boat. I was exhausted, but captivated by the beauty of Lamu Town as we entered its port. Described on UNESCO’s World Heritage List as “the oldest and best-preserved Swahili settlement in East Africa”, the crumbling architecture lining many of Lamu’s cramped laneways dates back to the 14th century, when the town was established along a major Arab trading route.

With beautiful, white-sand beaches fringing the warm Indian Ocean, car-free streets heaving with life, the aroma of grilled fish drifting along the esplanade and the call to prayer permeating every crevice of its dilapidated buildings, the town made me feel as if I’d been transported back in time. This was everything that excited me about travelling. I dumped my bags at the hotel, grabbed my camera and went out to explore the foreshore as the sun began to set. It was humming with activity: veiled women with children in tow bustled purposefully among the shops, and donkeys lugged loads of cement from boats to building sites as the menfolk ambled from their evening prayers.

I knew this paradise had its dark side, however. In 2011, Somali pirates kidnapped a disabled French woman, Marie Dedieu, from her home on the small island of Manda just west of Lamu; both islands are part of an archipelago lying 100 kilometres south of the Kenya-Somali border. They refused her her daily medications for cancer and heart problems, which resulted in her death, and then attempted to sell her body. Two weeks earlier, a British couple had been abducted further up the coast in Kiwayu. Judith Tebbutt was held for six months before being released for a $1 million ransom; her husband, David, received a fatal shot to the chest as he tried to wrestle with one of the gunmen.

These events had had a significant impact on Lamu’s tourism industry, and although people were gradually starting to return to the island, the restaurants along the foreshore were empty. I was the only guest in my hotel, which my 2010 guide book described as “often full both in and out of season”: it was multi-storeyed with eight rooms sprawled haphazardly over three floors. Run by a friendly local family, it had an open terrace on the roof that overlooked the mosque next door.

AAA

As a tall, blonde, 31-year-old white woman, I didn’t go unnoticed in Lamu. In the narrow streets, young men sat in groups drinking tea or playing board games, gesturing for me to join them. Having spent the past nine months in Africa, I’d grown used to the attention and chose to ignore it.

The freedom to explore the world like this was infectious. As a keen photographer, I could be wherever I wanted to be, whenever I wanted to be, just to catch the best light; I could change my plans on a whim. Other travellers would ignite my interest in new destinations or alternative routes, and the friendships I’d made on the road were enduring. Every day was new and exciting and my perspective on the world and my own life had been challenged immeasurably.

Travel had equipped and enriched me in a way my formal education never had. I had backpacked like this for the past 10 years, spending eight or nine months overseas, then returning home to Adelaide to work in order to fund the next trip. Nothing bad had happened to me – yet.

I stared at the knife wedged into the sand next to my head, unable to look at the man looming over me who was now rocking rhythmically back and forth. It was the same sort of knife I used to chop vegetables at home. There was blood pouring from the cut on my hand: it was no toy. Dread collided with confusion, which fused with a constant wish to deny the reality of this situation. This wasn’t me lying here, it was someone else, and I wanted her to know what to do because I didn’t.

I thought about grabbing the knife, but then what? And if he overpowered me? All rational thought was stifled by fear of his every movement. Without the knife in his hand, he had become perversely gentle in his actions. When he saw the blood on my hand, he interrupted his awful rhythm to wipe it with my underwear and apologised for hurting me. His attempts to convince himself that this was something other than what it was infuriated me, yet I decided to act on this fleeting glimpse of humanity. Despite being unmarried, I tried to reason with him, saying, “My husband will kill me if he finds out”, and struggling under his weight.

He clasped one hand over my mouth and pressed the other down on my neck, tightening his grasp until I could scarcely breathe. The aggressor in him left me powerless. He looked around, checking for passers-by or signals from accomplices. I tilted my head to follow his gaze – I wanted to know if there really were other men on lookout – but he yanked it back sharply. Angered, he pulled the knife from the sand and motioned to stab me in the chest with it. “I will kill you,” he whispered menacingly, his eyes threatening through the holes in the balaclava.

AAA

Panic and fear enveloped me once again. Nothing had prepared me for this disarray of thoughts, resulting from a deprivation of basic rights or alternatives. I didn’t want to submit to this, but what was I risking otherwise?

Abruptly, he stopped, listened. Was somebody coming? I held my breath and strained to listen through the accelerated beating of my heart thudding in my ears. He yanked up his shorts, snatched the knife and my bag from the sand, crawled out from beneath the boat and was gone. My instinct was to chase him. He had my wallet, camera and lenses – I didn’t want him to get away with any more than he already had. I scrambled out into the path and ran after him. I saw him 100 metres away and then he disappeared, consumed by the sand dunes and vegetation that lay beyond the restaurant. I stopped. What was I doing? This man had a knife. Defeated, I stood in anguish, screaming.

Two young men ran towards me. While my words were lost in translation, my distress was understood and I collapsed on the sand. “We call police,” they said. “Wait.” One of them disappeared around the corner, returning with the couple who owned the restaurant where I’d had breakfast a short time earlier.

“What has happened to you?” questioned the woman, obviously shocked at my appearance: hair tangled with sand and excrement and blood staining the cream shirt and long skirt I was wearing. “He stole everything … and he raped me,” I replied. She covered her mouth in disbelief before stepping forward to embrace me. “The police are on their way,” she said. “We will take you to hospital.”

The Lamu Hospital, serving the island’s 100,000 residents, was a cluster of buildings surrounding an open-air courtyard on the edge of town. I sat in the surgery feeling numb. Had all this really happened?

The young Muslim doctor who treated me was warm, compassionate and worked with a professionalism and focus that contrasted significantly with the modus operandi of the police, who repeatedly knocked on the door, interrupting her examination, to ask me basic questions that they’d forgotten during their initial, muddled interview. They appeared listless and confused.

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The doctor’s assessment was methodical and thorough. She carried out blood tests, took swabs and explained in detail how the USAid antiretroviral drugs she was prescribing would work to reduce the risk of infection. While the man’s HIV status was unknown, the prevalence of the virus in Africa, and the devastation it has wrought across the continent, are only too well known. I couldn’t even contemplate what this could mean for me. While I had an Implanon rod inserted under the skin of my upper arm to prevent unwanted pregnancy, I had no control over HIV.

For the next month I would need to take five tablets a day, taken in different combinations, plus a course of antibiotics. Like many drugs, the antiretrovirals are not 100 per cent effective and, after three months, I would need to be tested for HIV. I have yet to undergo this blood test. I choose not to think about the possibility of an unwelcome outcome: I’m not preparing myself for that, for the simple reason that I don’t know how to.

The doctor also addressed my psychological state. “Maybe you are still in shock and this will not hit you until later,” she said. “But remember, this is not your fault and, no matter what happens, you will be okay.” While I wanted to believe her, sitting in a hospital full of strangers, 10,000 kilometres from home, I wasn’t so sure. “Is this common?” I asked.

“For white women, no. But for local women, particularly young girls, yes. I see too many cases.”

The drop in Lamu’s tourist numbers following the events of 2011, and the subsequent rise in unemployment, had apparently taken its toll on this small community. As I sat in the hospital courtyard waiting for the results of blood tests for sexually transmitted diseases, an elderly man approached me. “I’m so sorry this has happened to you,” he said with sincerity. It seemed that news had spread fast. “This is because of the drug problems. This never would have happened before. Lamu is a peaceful place. But do not expect anything from these police.” He lowered his voice, before adding, “They are all involved.”

I was taken back to my hotel to shower and change. In an attempt to steady my nerves, I drank the last of a bottle of red wine I’d bought two days earlier. I returned to the police station later that afternoon feeling calmer and more rational, but infinitely exhausted. The officer who’d been appointed to my case asked the same question posed earlier by his colleagues: “Would you be able to identify this man?” I repeated that, since his face had been covered, this would be difficult. “Well, there is not so much we can do,” he sighed. “But we will try our best.”

He then asked a young officer to chaperone me to the hotel of a friend on the other side of Lamu Town. “I just walked from there,” came the young officer’s lethargic reply. I was too drained to argue or care, so I left alone.

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I spent that night with an English friend in her hotel. She’d informed me the previous week that she’d be holidaying on the island, but until now we hadn’t met up. She listened in disbelief as I related my day of horror, which was in sharp contrast to her experience of Lamu – she’d spent days alternately wandering through the town and sunbaking on the beach.

Sitting on her balcony talking, I felt vastly disconnected from the person who’d been lying under the boat only hours before. My ability to relay the incident without emotion or distress was disconcerting to us both, and finally attributed to shock. I slept restlessly next to her, waking frequently to check she was still there and questioning myself about the reality of it all. This was something that happened to other people, not to me.

My friend was visiting the island with a group of former colleagues, one of whom was a journalist now working in Nairobi. He contacted the Kenyan police in the city, and they arranged a meeting that would take place the following morning at the local police station. All chiefs of police and government officials on the island would be there. Although I was sceptical about the efficacy of such a meeting, I agreed to go with the journalist.

I woke up in pain, my muscles remembering the struggle of the day before. The gathering began with an outpouring of condolences and assurances that absolutely everything would be done to find this man and prosecute him. Unfortunately, with few leads to work with, it soon deteriorated into a search for a scapegoat, the finger of blame wandering back and forth between me, for travelling alone, and the restaurant owners; according to the police, they should have employed a guard to monitor the 50-metre public path where the assault had taken place, despite no previous concerns regarding safety in the area.

Once again, I was infuriated. This family had responded to my screams, alerted the police and accompanied me to the hospital. I didn’t want to hear them accused of anything. Enough was enough. I excused myself.

It was time to contact my family and book a flight home to Adelaide. First, I stopped to thank the owners of the restaurant for their kindnesses the day before. “Today it is you,” said the woman with emotion. “Maybe tomorrow it is me.”

I walked back to the hotel with apprehension. What would this predominantly Muslim community think about an uncovered white woman being attacked like this? I needn’t have worried. In an incredible show of solidarity, women I didn’t know stopped to embrace me or to say simply, “We are sorry this has happened to you.”

As the plane took off the next morning, I looked down at the waters of the Indian Ocean, the white sands of the archipelago and the ancient town of Lamu. Its beauty was stunning, but I was relieved to be leaving it behind – for now. I knew I’d be back, though. I loved Africa: its landscapes, its cultures, its people.

As I watched the villages becoming specks in the vast mosaic of Africa, I thought of the women I’d seen in my travels here: the loads they carried, their relentless chores and the children they bore in harsh conditions. What other, unspoken perils did they endure? While I could get on a plane and fly away, they had no option but to stay.

Philippa Strickland-image www.goodgirlsgo (2)

On September 21, after I returned home to Adelaide, insurgents from the Somali militant group al-Shabaab stormed Nairobi’s Westgate shopping mall, killing more than 60 civilians. I feared the impact this event would have on Kenya’s tourism and the people of Lamu. In regions of the country that relied so heavily on foreign visitors for economic stability, what further knock-on effects would these communities experience?

The gang-rape of a 16-year-old Kenyan schoolgirl in June sparked widespread protest when it was revealed last month that the police response to the violent attack had been to force three of her attackers to cut the grass around the station before releasing them. The police had also urged that the mother “clean her up”, thereby destroying all forensic evidence.

At the end of October, I was told a man had attempted to rape a schoolgirl on Lamu. His build and knife fitted the description I gave. Angry locals caught and beat the man with the intention of lynching him before police intervened. He was taken to hospital under police surveillance. I wasn’t surprised to learn that later, while in their custody, he escaped through a bathroom window.

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Henry Sapiecha