Archives for : PLEASURES

So you are a married woman.Is sex a chore or a pleasure?

Pair of underpants and pair of knickers on washing line

Pair of underpants and pair of knickers on washing line


Okay, let’s break it down: Sex, bonking, nookie, quickies, porking and poking, to a married woman, sometimes feels like a chore, a task, another domestic duty. It’s just something else a monogamous woman has to add to her mental, emotional and physical list of ‘pleasing’ others. It’s neither fun nor painful but just .. well.. just plain annoying, kinda like having to feed the kids. Every. Single. Damn. Night.

Rumpy-pumpy with an eager-to-please partner can be considered much like an internal examination, except it’s not happening every two years, it’s expected daily, twice daily for some! The type of internal I am discussing here is where a doctor, regardless of gender, shoves their hand ‘up there’ and cops a good feel for their own (medical) satisfaction. The only difference between doctor and hubby’s styles is that the doctor is looking for anomalies, concerned for your health and wellbeing, while the husband is frantically searching for the exclusive (and elusive) G-Spot, concerned for his sexual prowess and masterful carnal abilities. Nope, that’s not it, Sweetie. You’ve gone too far and now you’re scratching the back of my tonsils.

It’s during these ‘internals’ with your man that you are likely to be flat on your back thinking “Are you done yet?” Or disapproving your sharp non manicured fingernails, or even after a few long minutes of thrusting you begin the desperate and silent prayer for one of the kids to wake up so he will have to hurry the f**k up and finish off.

Sex can sometimes mean your lady bits get rubbed like your man is polishing silverware. Really tarnished silverware. A really tarnished silver lamp. A really tarnished silver Genie lamp. Furiously rubbing that special lamp to make a magical Genie appear.. from your vagina. Sometimes you wish that Vulva Genie would indeed appear so you could make your three wishes — the first: that he stops rubbing you before he chafes your pubic bone.

Sometimes sex involves lots of kissing like they do in the movies. Except it’s actually reality f**ktard and your breath smells foul. And why do all this licking and kissing caper when your baby momma has just showered. Gross! So you’re now covered in saliva! Second wish: breath mints and a cold shower — for him!

Sometimes, in the lead up to sex, your husband’s version of foreplay (which goes on all day) is a slap on the arse, a grope of the tits, a few rotatory swings of his dick and a suggestively asked question “So, how ’bout it?” Wish three: f**k off!

For the small group of women that I know and can have these intimate discussions with, this all seems relatively normal. Normal to rate sex and chores at the same level — especially during a long-term relationship.

But I don’t dare speak for all women, because I happen to personally know a few exceptions to this and they are real life, everyday women who are just absolutely crazy for a bit of horizontal hula. They’d be balls deep all day with their husbands if they didn’t have to work or eat or feed the fruit of their pounding loins. They’re like rabbits on viagra, they can’t get enough of the salami feeding the kitty! God bless their raging meat-loving pussies! For me, though, sometimes I’d rather just go ahead and poke myself… in the eye… with an actual salami.

Hey, while we are talking poking, here’s a good tip to all men out there — when a woman says “make it quick” — mate, you need to move that broomstick like a lightning bolt, alright?! In-out, in-out, roasted? Good now get off us, we got shit to do.

Sex isn’t like in the movies, and the only time it is remotely close to that passionate and consensual ecstasy is in your dreams… with Channing Tatum… and sometimes his wife. Sex is an avoidance. It’s women sneaking into bed, usually unsuccessfully, because even though he doesn’t hear the kids cry at night he can certainly hear the non-existent purr of your pussy.

So many men whine about their wives not ‘putting out’ enough, but — hey, Princess — put out the washing, put the kids to bed, put your dick back in your pants and maybe we might consider putting out more often. But, hey, probs not.

Disclaimer: I love my husband, and in Australia he’d be known as a “decent shag”. He’s not selfish in the bedroom and likes to please, which is sometimes his downfall coz when you’re not in the mood and he wants you to be in the mood things can really drag on. My husband hangs out the washing, bathes the little kids, runs the big kids to sports, he does get up at nighttime and he always puts the little kids to bed at night when he’s home. If only he could learn that slapping his willy on the end of the bed isn’t considered “foreplay” and maybe understand that dicks are ugly no matter which angle you look at them, but more so when they are doing a helicopter trick in front of you. In all honesty, most days I am actually very sexually attracted to my husband, he is handsome and funny and would do anything for me and sex is love and I love him immensely… Then he starts chewing and then I just want to slap him across the face. Love you, Sweetie xx


Henry Sapiecha

‘I don’t sleep with the girls’, says Human Resources manager of Prague brothel

prostitute in red dress image

Czech psychologist Lukás Sedlácek is a Human Resources manager – in a whorehouse. His job is to interview new girls who would want to work there but also talks on a regular basis to existing “members of staff” about the conflicts they have either with the respective clients or among themselves.
Sedlácek has to deal with such problems every day. If one of the ladies becomes “unsuccessful”, in other words does not have many clients, she immediately starts to grumble, trying to blame all the others rather than herself, he explained in a recent interview given to Czech daily Dnes.
“I actually have many friends among these girls, we drink a beer in pubs together, for instance, or visit a cinema, but I never go with them ‘upstairs’, so to say,” Sedlácek insists. He did admit, though, that at one time, he lived for some time with a young woman who worked in a similar “facility”.
At present, however, he doesn’t have a girlfriend and in fact says that he doesn’t feel the need to look for one, either. “If you are surrounded by [scantily clad] females in your workplace every day, the last thing you would like to see in your free time is a nude female,” he says, noting that he has always been quite a loner anyway.
Regarding new “applicants for the job” at the brothel in question (called ShowPark DaVinci and located in Prague, the country’s capital), Sedlácek advises them how to communicate well with their clients, something they are often not at all good at, as he points out. “The newcomers usually think that it’s enough to just look good and everything will go smoothly but that is definitely not the case – it may have been so fifteen, twenty years ago, but not anymore, because the competition has become fierce and the clients ever more demanding.”
Appearance is important but not the number one thing when he interviews a new girl, the main one being why she wants to be doing this work in the first place and whether she has communicating skills. An HR manager at such a facility should also be able to uncover whether the woman is not being forced into this profession, Sedlácek adds, because if that is the case, various non-profit organisations or even the police should immediately be contacted.
It’s actually inaccurate to call the women who work in ShowPark DaVinci “members of staff” as they merely rent rooms on its premises and do not give any other money to the club’s owners. The respective business with a potential client is being negotiated downstairs at the bar with the whorehouse, as Sedlácek insists, not having any say at all as to how much different things should cost.
Only rarely does this psychologist in fact discuss with the girls what goes on in the rooms. “A very frequent problem we on the other hand go through is when one of them is hurt because the client doesn’t want her – she views that as a failure, the absolutely biggest blow to her ego, and her confidence goes down since that is something she has not been used to before,” Sedlácek explains. “If she had visited a discotheque prior to working in this profession, it was her who in many cases rejected the young men around since she simply did not find them attractive enough.”
Among other things that he helps “his” ladies with is to come to terms with the work they are doing, why they are doing it, whether it’s something they should be ashamed of or not, etc. Sedlácek also teaches them “how to do business”, however (many clients bargain about the price they should pay), and since some of the girls are not very good in foreign languages, he organises for them the respective courses.
Sedlácek wasn’t able to tell the newspaper in question the average price that the girls charge for their “services” since it very much depends on what type is involved but conceded that some earn each month as much as three hundred thousand Czech crowns (approximately 8, 000 pounds) or even more. It is therefore very difficult for them to say goodbye to such a job.
He also had difficulties to describe a typical woman you could come across at ShowPark DaVinci since the spectrum is very wide, from university students to mothers and wives who are between eighteen and forty-five years of age. “Many come from abroad so if they do not speak Czech, we take great care that they at least communicate in English,” Sedlácek adds.
Interest to work in this facility is quite big – during the fifteen years of its existence approximately three thousand women rented a room there. At present, around three hundred alternate there.
Girls are allowed to come to the club at the very most twenty days a month. The thing is that earlier on, many of them worked two or even three months in a row, without a single day off, and as a result some eventually collapsed.
Thirty-four years old Lukás Sedlácek, whose liberal-minded mother (she once even visited him in his workplace, to see what it looks like) is a fashion designer, studied psychology and journalism, his thesis having being – somewhat surprisingly, considering what he does now – about asexuality, in other words about people who are not interested in sex. He then worked for instance for a non-profit organisation which focused on domestic violence against women and at a police academy as a psychologist counselling victims of rape but for a short time, he was also the manager of a hotel in north-eastern England and in 2013 ended up as one of ShowPark DaVinci’s seven people (three men and four women) employed in the field of human resources. (5)
Henry Sapiecha


woman reads & looks good image

Last week, a forum was held in Canberra to coincide with the launch of a national survey looking at the experiences of women aged 16-21 with sex education. The findings indicated that while the more scientific elements of sex were being covered, the emotional side of pleasure, orgasm and desire were being ignored.

My own discussions and correspondence with young women has indicated similar, and confirmed that not much has changed since I was at school and fumbling my way through the basics (by which I mean inside my underpants). I knew what periods were and how they happened (sort of) and I understood the words ‘erection’, ‘gestation’ and even that there was such a thing as an ‘orgasm’. The problem was, I didn’t really know what it all meant for me personally, or how it explained the strange, unquantifiable feelings of pleasure that came whenever I made my Barbie dolls kiss each other or rubbed myself against the rim of the bath.

It was while engaged in some innocent bath rubbing one afternoon that I was hit by the full impact of what this pleasure could feel like. The normally pleasant buzz that I’d associated with the activity escalated into something much more intense and before I knew it my temperature had risen about 50 degrees and my brains seemed to have splattered all over the walls. It felt magnificent, but also disconcerting and a little bit scary. Being a hypochondriac didn’t exactly help matters – clearly, I was having a stroke and I was moments away from death.

I didn’t die that day, but I did discover a neat new trick that could be performed in any place that allowed for discretion (which includes airplane bathrooms – who said you can only go to the Mile High Club in twosomes?). That was over twenty years ago and I’ve been a fierce advocate for masturbation and self pleasure ever since. I truly believe that discovering the abilities of my body at such a young age has led to an easier experience with sex in general. Pleasure has always been within easy reach, and I’ve been able to communicate to partners exactly what floats my boat.

So it’s concerning that pleasure, and the pursuit of it, remains so absent from youth education programs. Orgasms to the uninitiated can be a perplexing and unpleasantly overwhelming experience. I’ve met many women who, even as adults, have talked themselves out of climaxing because they find the feeling too intense and anxiety inducing. When female pleasure isn’t taught as a key component of sexual engagement and intercourse (particularly in hetero contexts), female participation is reinforced as something passive and secondary to the male role.

What is it that society finds so troubling about the idea that young girls learning about female pleasure? Perhaps it’s the puritanical fear that it will encourage them to rush off and ‘sleep around’, as if their bodies and sexual pleasure belong to them and not to the society intent on controlling them. This might explain why girls in America are still being sent home for violating dress codes because their clothes are supposedly proving too distracting for adult men who should know better.

And don’t underestimate the misogyny that’s applied to women’s sexuality and the question of who owns it – as actor Ryan Gosling famously pointed out in a response to his film Blue Valentine being given an NC-17 rating by the Motion Picture Association of America, “The MPAA is okay supporting scenes that portray women in scenarios of sexual torture and violence for entertainment purposes, but they are trying to force us to look away from a scene that shows a woman in a sexual scenario, which is both complicit and complex.”

Melbourne based sex therapist Cyndi Darnell experienced a similar form of censorship recently when Facebook refused to allow her to promote an educational video series she had produced. As she says, “The ad was a link to a trailer for a four part video series which teaches people to engage with their anatomy and sexual pleasure. They’ve let me run the trailer, but they won’t let me run a paid ad because they say it goes against their community guidelines.”

These ‘community guidelines’ have no problem with entire pages devoted to racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia and every other form of bigotry you can think of. Nor will horrific memes glorifying rape and violence against women be considered a violation of them. But promoting a video series which does not fall under the bracket of “acceptable adult products”? Well, as Facebook says, “this decision is final”.

Darnell is understandably frustrated by the hypocrisy, but sees it as the logical product of a culture which still demonises sexually autonomous women. She told me, “A sexually empowered woman is still not something that’s revered in our society. Historically, men have been empowered to be role models for young boys, culturally praised as sexual beings and pursuers. For women, sexuality continues to be linked solely to motherhood and nurturing rather than their own well-being and self esteem. This is why women get to their 30s and are struggling with their own sexual expression – because they have never been taught they’re allowed to take up space erotically.”

Sex education is about so much more than biology. It’s bigger than the conservative binary of expression we continue to force on young people, which includes the furphies that women use sex to get love and men use love to get sex. Pleasure isn’t a peripheral by-product of sexuality but an inseparable part of it. And there’s something desperately wrong with a world that is okay with making the control of female sexuality the domain of everybody else but the woman who owns it. It’s important that women be aware of this, but also that men are too.

Patriarchal society might be afraid of women’s bodies, but that doesn’t mean women should be taught to fear them too. We should be teaching girls to feel pleasure instead of shame, and giving them a framework to express sexual autonomy and confidence. Remember: If you build it, they will come.

Pleasure or pain. Some of my sister sites below (7)

Henry Sapiecha