Women are more competent than men but less ambitious: study shows.

Women are finally viewed as more competent — but they’re no better off for it in the workplace, a new study has found.

Over the course of the last seven decades, perceptions of male and female ability have shifted dramatically. Women are seen as just as capable as men, if not more so, the analysis found.

But they’re still viewed as less ambitious, which is hindering them from breaking the glass ceiling, according to the analysis, published this week in the journal American Psychologist.

In fact, they’re still seen as “emotional,” a cringe-worthy stereotype that’s plagued women in the workplace for decades.

This was the first study to look at the way peoples’ views of gender roles have changed over a long period of time using representative samples. Researchers from Northwestern University analyzed 16 national opinion polls with more than 30,000 respondents over the past 73 years.

The polls asked people’s opinions on three traits in both men and women: The first was competence — or how intelligent, organized and creative a person is. The second was how affectionate, compassionate or emotional they are. Lastly, they looked at agency, or how ambitious, aggressive or decisive a person is.

As of last year, nearly 90% of respondents (comprising both men and women, by the way) said that men and women are equally intelligent, with 9% saying that women are actually even more intelligent.

This is a big change since 1946, the date of the first poll, says the study’s lead author, Alice Eagly, in a statement.

“Stereotypes have changed, but increasingly toward portraying women as more compassionate, affectionate and sensitive than men,” says Eagly, a professor of psychology at Northwestern’s Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences.

“Men are still viewed as more ambitious, aggressive and decisive than women, and that agency stereotype has not substantially changed since the 1940s,” Eagly adds.

Eagly thinks the reason for this may be that women are still concentrated in jobs where compassion and emotion are valuable assets, such as social work or teaching. But, she adds, those aren’t necessarily the jobs that pay the big bucks.

“Most leadership roles” require qualities like ambition or aggressiveness, Eagly says, which means women are at “a disadvantage in relation to leadership.”


Henry Sapiecha

An open letter to men from a difficult woman-Her story

Firstly, many of you are lovely. And I thank those of you who leave supportive comments on my Facebook page, or who engage in respectful and thoughtful debate. I very much enjoy interacting with you all. Please keep hanging around. Maybe you can share my site with your followers & others on facebook.?

But to the rest of you contemplating writing to me, I have a few simple guidelines. If your message falls into one of the below categories, please refrain from pressing send:

Personal attacks

It is fine to disagree with my point of view. My kids do it all the time! But if you wish to voice your disagreement, you will need to use words that convey your thesis in a logical methodical manner, and provide compelling supporting arguments.

Words such as “Your article contains factual errors A, B, and C,” or “You stated X but I can demonstrate with Y and Z that X is invalid,” do exactly that.

Writer Kerri Sackville.

Photo: Nic Walker


To mansplain is to comment on or explain something to a woman in a condescending way. It is predicated on the belief that a man knows more than a woman, even about her own lived experience.

If you are a genuine expert on a topic about which I have written (and, if I am writing about women’s lived experience, being an expert includes ‘being a woman’), please feel free to comment. If not, refrain.

Speculation about my credibility

“No-one is interested.”

This is factually incorrect. Clearly you are interested, or you wouldn’t have read the article and taken the time to respond.

“Who the f–k cares what you think?”

Well, clearly you do. I know this because you are writing to me.

“Are you even a real journo?”

Well, the people responsible for the content of this publication (the “editors”) have paid me to write, so technically, yes, I am a real journo.

“Women do bad things too!”

Sometimes I write about certain poor behaviors exhibited by men. This does not mean I believe that women are perfect, or that women don’t do bad things too. It just means that I am writing about certain poor behaviors exhibited by men. If you want to write your own article about women’s bad behaviors, please do. Just do not send it to me. It’s irrelevant to my article.


Just because I write about certain poor behaviors exhibited by men, doesn’t mean I believe that all men exhibit these poor behaviors. You do not need to inform me. #Notallmen, I know.


Some of my articles run alongside a nice photo of me. I could have chosen a photo in which I look terrible (for example, one taken first thing in the morning, or whilst wearing a mud mask) but I prefer a pleasant photo.

Having said that, I do not need you to tell me how ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ or ‘f—able’ I am in that pleasant photo. I am aware that it is a pleasant photo. Furthermore, I am a writer. I am trying to engage people with my words. When you flatter my appearance, you demean my work. Perhaps that is your intention. See point number 1.


When I was married I wrote about marriage. When I was anxious I wrote about anxiety. Now that I am single and dating, I write about being single and dating.

This does not mean that I accept propositions from random strangers on the internet. And if I did accept propositions from random strangers on the internet, they would have to be a hell of a lot better than,

“Hey I think you’re really hot so you should date me.”

Threats of violence

Most go straight to trash. The rest go to the police.

Thanking you in advance for your consideration.

With very best wishes,

Kerri (Nutty Left Feminist and Difficult Woman)

Kerri Sackville is appearing on a panel about ‘Difficult Women’ at Melbourne Jewish Book Week on Monday 7 May.

Just love your style Kerri. I love mentally strong, intelligent beautiful women.

This site is devoted to women like you.Keep up the great work Kerri Sackville

Henry Sapiecha

Marissa Mayer Of Yahoo Is Highest Paid Female CEO

Here below is a chart showing which women earn how much in big numbers

Marissa Mayer of Yahoo image www.goodgirlsgo (1)

Marissa Mayer of Yahoo was the America’s highest-paid female CEO in 2014. But at $42 million, her total earnings were just a fraction of the highest paid male CEO’s.

Mayer’s total compensation was less than 15 percent of Nick Woodman’s, 2014’s highest-paid male U.S. CEO. Woodman, founder of GoPro, the company that makes those little cameras people attach to their dogs when they leave them home alone, was granted stock units valued at $284.5 million at the end of 2014, according to Bloomberg.

Mayer, 39, was paid $1 million in salary, but if you pair that with her stock and option awards of $11.7 million and $28.2 million, $1.1 million in an incentive pay plan and $28,065 in additional perks, she made a total of $42 million last year, USA Today reported. That’s an increase of 69 percent from her total earnings in 2013, which were $28.6 million. Still, she’d need a raise of $242 million to match Woodman.

There is some silver lining. Though there are still far more male CEOs at S&P 500 companies than female, the average female CEO of an S&P 500 company is paid more than her male counterparts. Mayer is the seventh-highest paid S&P 500 CEO overall.

women ceo wages earnt chart image


Henry Sapiecha



These were on sale at the markets today, presumably next to the leeches and butter churns.

girl & boy signs image


Henry Sapiecha

These 10 Little Things Make Every Man Feel Special…

When it comes to relationships, men and women tend to want the same things – it just seems we want or need them in different ways. For most men, respect and love are synonymous and are weighed the same, but how we show love and respect to a man may not always fall in line with what we women expect from our mate. Small gestures can yield great rewards when dealing with the heart of a man, so applying some of these simple practices can breathe air into your relationship by simply letting him know that you love and appreciate him….just as he is.


Gas him up!

Men like compliments too – so if your man has a killer smile, amazing washboard abs or big biceps – tell him! We all know how great we feel when a man pays us a sincere compliment, so letting your man know that you love his style or the way he walks will make him feel 12 feet tall! Choose something specific, and maybe unexpected, that you find attractive about him, and let him know in a genuine way that you only have eyes for him. Try to tell him 3 things that you love about him every day. He’ll be on Cloud 9 for weeks!


Make him feel needed
Most men like to feel useful – whether it’s fixing the kitchen sink, screwing in a light bulb or solving your crisis at work. I’m not suggesting you nag him to death or bog him down with chores, but find ways to let him know you need him by asking him for his help or his advice every once in a while. Men are great problem solvers, and they truly want to help the woman they love through their challenges. The reason most men shy away from “independent” women is because they sometimes send a message that they don’t “need” a man. But being self sufficient doesn’t mean the men in our lives serve no purpose, so let him be the man and thank him for all that he does on a daily basis.


Stroke his ego in the bedroom
Even if he isn’t the best lover you’ve ever had, make him feel as if he is. Men can be very delicate when it comes to their sexual prowess, and they take pleasing their woman very seriously. Let him know how attracted you are to him sexually, how he turns you on, and what you love about his body. Send him a text saying you can’t wait to get home to him and turn him out, then drink a Red Bull and get ready. He’ll be so turned up you’ll need all your energy to handle the monster you’ve created!


Ask him about his job and praise his accomplishments
Most men take pride in their career and place a certain value on the level of success they’ve achieved. In most cases, men tie success directly to their manhood, and their work gives them a sense of purpose. If they share their achievements with you, it’s because they want to impress you, and show you that they are capable of providing a future for you both – so acknowledge that! Be his biggest cheerleader and give him the admiration and respect he seeks and deserves – the returns will be tenfold.


Ask him about his interests or hobbies as well
All work and no play can make any man a dull boy…so ask him what he likes to do for fun – and be genuine about it. I know for some women, we really couldn’t care less what a touchdown or an RBI is, but it wouldn’t kill us to sit with him while he’s watching the game and ask questions (during the commercial). He’ll be delighted that you’re interested in something he enjoys, and if he is truly digging you, he will gladly share and feel special that you have an interest in HIS interests.


Laugh at his jokes
Men LOVE a woman with a good sense of humor – it shows she doesn’t take life…or herself too seriously. Men also tend to tie their sense of humor to their egos, so if we show them that we get their jokes, and actually think they’re funny, it’s a sign of approval and validation in a fun way. Appreciating a man’s comedic delivery can mean that we understand him, thus creating a connection…and what’s not to love about a person with a funny sense of self?


Cater to him sometimes
If your man has been hard at work or stressed out, rub his neck or give him a nice massage. Draw him a bath or prepare a nice meal for him. Even if you aren’t much of the “domestic” type, catering to your man can simply mean not crowding him as soon as he walks in the door, giving him time to unwind before you launch into a speech about how your day was or what needs to get done around the house. Sometimes realizing that he wants you there, but that he doesn’t feel like talking, is all the catering you need to do. So hand him the remote, let him kick his feet up and be quiet. When he’s ready to talk, ask him how his day was…and listen.


Don’t sweat the small stuff
Not everything in a relationship needs to be over analyzed or beaten down into the ground. So if he unintentionally offends you by not noticing your new hairstyle, let it go. Focus on what he does right instead of harping on everything he does wrong. So he left a glass in the sink…so what??? Be forgiving. Praise his great decisions and minimize his bad ones. Don’t say “I told you so” or take the opportunity to always have the last word. Don’t argue just to hear yourself talk, and don’t focus on always being “right.” Give him the benefit of the doubt and don’t expect him to read your mind. Chances are he really doesn’t know why you’re upset or what he did wrong – and we know that. Just let it go.


Brag about him to your friends
Men love this. Giving him compliments privately is a wonderful thing, but letting the world know how great your man is will having him blushing and wondering how he got so lucky to have a woman like you. Even when he’s not around, let others know what you love and appreciate about your boo. It sets the tone for mutual respect, love and admiration as he will do the same for you unconsciously. It’s easy for us to get complacent in our relationships, so doing a little boasting about your man every once in a while can serve as a reminder of why you love him and just how important he is to you.



Henry Sapiecha

These are 15 Male Stereotypes Men Are Tiring of



Man checking woman out

If we could sum up all female stereotypes into one sentence it would be, “Women care too much” and if we could sum all male stereotypes up into one sentence it would be, “Men don’t give a $*%&.” But there are plenty of people whose blood boils at these types of gross generalizations. Here are 15 male stereotypes men are sick of.


They’re embarrassed of “couples activities”

Image Source:

They gloss over it when their friends ask what they’re doing on Sunday, and the true answer is, “Going to Target with my girlfriend.” They roll their eyes and moan and groan, right?. That’s not necessarily true! Guys have errands they have to run at Target too, ya know? If they really love you, they enjoy taking care of house chores


They’re football obsessed

Football/sport/Super Bowl

If football is on in the room, you couldn’t possibly get a man’s attention. It’s like their brains shut off and they become yelling, huffing and puffing animals, right? Mmmm there are actually plenty of guys who, while they enjoy football, are perfectly mature and will engage you in conversation, even if a game is on nearby.

If football is on in the room, you couldn’t possibly get a man’s attention. It’s like their brains shut off and they become yelling, huffing and puffing animals, right? Mmmm there are actually plenty of guys who, while they enjoy football, are perfectly mature and will engage you in conversation, even if a game is on nearby.


They don’t eat healthy

"Gourmet burger pf"

All men hate salads and are embarrassed to eat your vegan cooking, wouldn’t you say? Actually, men hate weight gain and indigestion just as much as women do. Plenty of grown men are proud to eat healthy, and even swap healthy tips with their friends.


They’re afraid of girl talk

"friends talking pf"

If you and your friends are sitting around, analyzing someone’s relationship, your guy is going to quietly back away, isn’t he? Actually if he is an emotionally mature person, he probably enjoys talking about human nature too.


They don’t want to talk about feelings


Perhaps men aren’t as open immediately and indiscriminately as women are, but when they care about someone, they’ll talk about


They don’t like cuddling

"Couple cuddling on couch pf"

Oh please: they’ve been looking for someone to spoon them and hold their faces in their busum since they left their mothers. Cuddling is the best and everybody knows it.


They don’t understand women’s clothing


Actually I have plenty of straight men compliment me on detailed aspects of my outfits.


They don’t like women with opinions


Most men assume you’re a b*tch if you give an assertive opinion, and don’t sugarcoat it, ammiright? Maybe terrified little boys. But grown men find a woman who is proud of her opinions attractive.


They’re messy


By now we have to know that there are plenty of clean men and there are plenty of messy women. Messiness or cleanliness really has nothing to do with gender, but rather your personality type.


They don’t listen

Business man ignoring, hand in ears, Shutterstock

If a guy has chosen to spend his life with you, it’s because he values your opinions, cherishes your advice, and cares about what’s happening in your life. Don’t accept anyone who tunes you out.


They all want to cheat


After a certain age, a lot of men value a deep connection and commitment with someone they care about more than fleeting physical pleasure.


They don’t pick up on the details


Actually, many men do notice your manicure or the highlights you added around your face or the basil garnish on their dinner.


They’re terrified of periods


Sure, periods aren’t their favorite thing. But after a certain age, men have had enough girlfriends, female friends and female relatives to hear, “I need a tampon” without cringing


They hate “intellectual” movies


Boy, men kinda sound like brute animals huh? Not fair! In fact, plenty of men have a better attention span than I do for films that take time to appreciate


Taking photos annoys them


You might be sneaking selfies with your guy, but in reality, he probably cherishes the memories just as much as you do.



Henry Sapiecha

Sex bias case will embolden women despite verdict in this silicone valley saga

Experts: Sex bias case will embolden women despite verdict

llen Pao, center, walks to Civic Center Courthouse in San Francisco, Friday, March 27, 2015. The jury are due back in court on Friday in Pao’s lawsuit against Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers. Pao says the firm discriminated against her because she was a woman and then retaliated by denying her a promotion and firing her when she complained about gender bias. Kleiner Perkins denies the allegations. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A long legal battle over accusations that a prominent Silicon Valley venture capital firm demeaned women and held them to a different standard than their male colleagues became a flashpoint in the ongoing discussion about gender inequity at elite technology and venture capital firms.

Though Ellen Pao lost her lawsuit against Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers, Silicon Valley observers say her case and the attention it received will embolden women in the industry and continue to spur firms to examine their practices and cultures for gender bias.

“This case has been a real wake up call for the technology industry in general and the venture capital community in particular,” said Deborah Rhode, a law professor at Stanford University who teaches gender equity law.

The jury of six men and six women rejected all of Pao’s claims against Kleiner Perkins on Friday, determining the firm did not discriminate against her because she is a woman and did not retaliate against her by failing to promote her and firing her after she filed a sex discrimination complaint.

In making their case during the five-week trial, Pao’s attorneys presented a long list of alleged indignities to which their client was subjected: an all-male dinner at the home of Vice President Al Gore; a book of erotic poetry from a partner; being asked to take notes like a secretary at a meeting; being cut out of emails and meetings by a male colleague with whom she broke off an affair; and talk about pornography aboard a private plane.


But the heart of their argument was that Pao was an accomplished junior partner who was passed over for a promotion and fired because the firm used different standards to judge men and women.

Kleiner Perkins’ attorney, Lynne Hermle, countered that Pao failed as an investor at the company and sued to get a big payout as she was being shown the door. They used emails and testimony from the firm’s partners to dispute Pao’s claims and paint her as a chronic complainer who twisted facts and circumstances in her lawsuit and had a history of conflicts with colleagues that contributed to the decision to let her go.

Rhode and other experts say Kleiner Perkins and the venture capital industry in general did not come out looking good even though they won the case.

“Venture capital firms recognize it’s not appropriate to be out in the streets celebrating,” said Freada Kapor Klein, founder of the Level Playing Field Institute, a nonprofit that aims to boost minority representation in science, technology, engineering and math fields. “They don’t have the moral high ground.”

Even before the Pao trial started, a succession of employment statistics released during the past 10 months brought the technology industry’s lack of diversity into sharper focus.

Women hold just 15 percent to 20 percent of the technology jobs at Google, Apple, Facebook and Yahoo, according to company disclosures. The data were mortifying for an industry that has positioned itself as a meritocracy where intelligence and ingenuity are supposed to be more important than appearances or connections.

The venture capital industry is even more male-dominated, with a study released last year by Babson College in Massachusetts finding that women filled just 6 percent of partner-level positions at 139 venture capital firms in 2013, down from 10 percent in 1999.

Klein said before the verdict she was contacted by more than a dozen venture capital and technology companies asking how they could improve the environment as a result of the Pao case. She expects some firms will be “smug” after the verdict and do little to change for fear of being dragged through the mud while others will step up.

The attention surrounding the case makes it more likely other women who believe they have been discriminated against will go to court, said David Lewis, CEO of OperationsInc., a human resources consulting and contracting firm. Two women who formerly worked at Facebook and Twitter filed gender discrimination cases against the companies during the Pao trial. One of Pao’s attorneys, Therese Lawless, is representing the plaintiff in the Facebook lawsuit.

At the very least, Pao’s suit will prompt more women to open up about their experiences in the workplace, said Nicole Sanchez, founder of Vaya Consulting, which tries to help Silicon Valley companies increase diversity.

“I do see a trend now in the name of Ellen Pao,” Sanchez said, pointing to the Twitter hashtag, “ThankYouEllenPao” that popped up as the verdict came in. “Women in technology are telling their stories.”


Henry Sapiecha

Masa Vukotic murder: Travelling alone isn’t women’s biggest safety risk

Local residents congregate near where Masa Vukotic was killed.

Local residents congregate near where Masa Vukotic was killed.

Photo: Meredith O’Shea

On Tuesday evening at around 6:50pm, a man approached and stabbed to death Masa Vukotic while she was out walking in the Koonung Creek Linear Reserve. The 17- year-old Canturbury Secondary School student was found shortly after the attack at the base of a footbridge in the reserve. A man has since surrendered himself to police in connection with the murder.

But despite the fact that the fault for this alleged murder remains with the perpetrator alone, the tendency for public discussion to muse on the behaviour of victims has reared its ugly head once more. In an interview with ABC radio yesterday, Detective Inspector Mick Hughes advised people – “particularly females” – to avoid being alone in parks because of a need to “remain vigilant”. Inspector Hughes later qualified this statement by claiming he meant for women (sorry, “females”) to walk together, evidently as a means of safeguarding themselves against the violent actions of dangerous men. He said, “But if you’re by yourself you need to be aware of your circumstances and take reasonable precautions. I think it’s a travesty that we have to do that, we should be able to walk anywhere at any time, but reality says that we can’t.”

I would tell you how insulting it is to be reminded of what “reality” is by a male authority figure, but if you’re a woman reading this then you’re probably already pounding your head in frustration. The fact is, Vukotic walked this route regularly and Tuesday night was no different. Indeed, all over the country, women walk and run and cycle through parks and manage to emerge unscathed from the experience. Nor are the “reasonable precautions” Inspector Hughes refers to mysteries to us – they are the boring, unconsciously held ticks and twitches that underpin how we have learned to navigate our way through a world that considers our autonomy and rights as human beings to be an unnecessary afterthought.

Masa Vukotic.

Masa Vukotic. Photo: Facebook

Much as family recipes are passed down through generations, so too are the tools women have crafted to defend themselves in a hostile environment. We know how to carry our keys in such a way that they might function as a weapon while walking to our cars or front doors. We indulge in real or fake conversations on our phone in the hopes that the flimsy connection might ward off potential predators. Some of us smoke, having once heard that the sight of it reduces the projected impression of vulnerability.

Women do these things, and still we are attacked, beaten, raped. Murdered.

What further precautions must we take? Perhaps we could fuse girls together when they become old enough to venture outside by themselves, ensuring they’re always ‘in company’ and thus never able to succumb to the stupidity of imagining they might be entitled to spend a single moment just existing without worrying about how others might respond to that. Maybe we should pass a law that says women can only travel outside the home when accompanied by a male relative. Would it make sense to just accept defeat from the outset, and ban women from leaving their homes altogether?

But then, that doesn’t work either. Because for the majority of girls and women, the biggest risk to their safety lies inside these supposed sanctuaries. For these women, the protective shield of a four walled home with locks on its doors isn’t a safe harbour for them but for their attackers. Does it matter less when it happens behind closed curtains, between people who have developed some kind of intimacy? Or does it just make it easier for the outside world to ignore it?

I think we all know the answer to that.

No, despite all this hand-wringing and concerned instruction, women are very well-versed in the things that pose a risk to our safety. Or rather, the one thing that poses the biggest risk.


This is the actual reality of the world that we live in, but apparently we’re not allowed to talk about it because it’s unfair and cruel and misandrist and mean. Don’t we know that the MAJORITY of men are good and decent people? How DARE we besmirch their names and reputations by discussing the demonstrable, evidence supported problem of male violence and its protracted, deliberate impact on women!

Instead, we must behave as if these ‘risks’ are unknown and unconnected – as if it is parks or dark streets or alleyways themselves that are killing women, as if danger simply falls out of the sky and snuffs out their lives, like a cartoon anvil or a piano or a house brought down in a tornado to land on a witch trespassing on land that was never hers to begin with.

For too long, women have been sold the lie that the world does not really belong to us. That we are merely guests, here on the provisional invitation of men who expect us to behave ourselves, speak when we’re spoken to and provide all the comforts and charm of a deferential dinner companion indebted somehow to the goodwill of the host. Our time as the docile, malleable maidens responsible for absorbing the impact of men’s choices ends right now.

Because here’s some “reality” for Inspector Hughes, and anyone inclined to agree with his advice, however well intentioned it might have been. Until we substantially address the toxicity of patriarchy, women will always be subjected to the aggression and hostility of men who are left to their own devices by a society unwilling to look at those patterns of male behaviour which lead to gendered violence. The repetition of history has demonstrated that if we want to decrease the risk of gendered violence used against women, we won’t do it by continuing to challenge and police women’s behaviour.

We can do it simply by changing men’s behaviour. That’s the reality. So let’s get started.


Henry Sapiecha


Female Astronauts by Country

So you wanted to know which world country has the most women astronauts. Here you have it warts & all


Henry Sapiecha

SEX DISCRIMINATION EMPLOYMENT LETTER from 1939 shows workplace sexism

It was a few weeks before the Second World War broke out and across the Atlantic Josephine Calavetta was working at a photography studio in New York.

The 22-year-old was impressing her superiors with her skill and work ethic and asked to be transferred to a different studio- Studio #60- in Brooklyn.

She was denied the opportunity. While the vice-president of Grant Photo Corporation admitted he “would be only too glad” for her to take up the position because they knew she was up to the job, he could not allow it “due to the fact that we have to have a man manager in New York City”.

Her story was published on Women You Should Know as part of Women’s History Month.

One of Josephine’s jobs at the studio was to colourblack and white portraits.

“At that time, hand-colouring was a prestigious job, involving meticulous work that required immense skill. Josephine would apply watercolours, coloured oils, crayons or pastels, over a black and white image’s surface using brushes, her fingers, or cotton swabs.”

A year after the initial rejection, the company received a letter from a client, Mrs Kimball, praising Calavetta’s work.

In his reply, the vice-president agreed with Mrs Kimball’s assessment, noting “we have difficulty in discovering girls deserving promotions”.

Calavetta left the company in 1941 and married Antonio Maneri “who did, in fact, have the utmost admiration and respect for the incredible woman she was”.

At 94-years-old, the remarkable women graduated Valedictorian of her class at the assisted living home she lived at until passing away in 2012.


Henry Sapiecha

Male sexual entitlement is killing off women

Ben Moynihan was found guilty of stabbing three women.

Ben Moynihan was found guilty of stabbing three women.

Far too many men grow up thinking they are owed sex. That if they drive the right car, frequent the right clubs, say the right (“nice”) things, women will obligingly remove their clothes and grant them access to their bodies.

Cracked‘s David Wong nails the culture that encourages men to believe women owe them sex:

“We were told this by every movie, TV show, novel, comic book, video game and song we encountered. When the Karate Kid wins the tournament, his prize is a trophy and Elisabeth Shue. Neo saves the world and is awarded Trinity. Marty McFly gets his dream girl, John McClane gets his ex-wife back, Keanu “Speed” Reeves gets Sandra Bullock … Hell, at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman, Richard Gere walks into the lady’s workplace and just carries her out like he’s picking up a suit at the dry cleaner.”

When women veer off-script and refuse, the consequences can be tragic. This is where I get frustrated with those who refuse to take seriously the importance and impact of pop culture. Why is it so hard to accept that the media we consume helps to both construct our world and shape our perception of it?

But male entitlement is on open display in the real world also. It’s in the way women are told to smile by complete strangers, it’s in the catcalling, the harassment, the shockingly public incidents of molestation.

It’s in the irrational hatred directed at overweight women, as if being fat is a personal affront to men, and in the way society either looks the other way or vilifies women who dare to speak out. Our society abets male entitlement even as it denies its existence.

Entitlement. Rejection. Revenge. No matter how often the pattern repeats, the violence that ensues continues to be treated in isolation, as if existing in a void rather than in a culture that still glorifies an outdated view of masculinity and male sexuality.

We wring our hands searching for an explanation, even when the answer is staring us in the face– this violence is a result of men thinking they are entitled to access women’s bodies and, in the cases of domestic violence, to control women.

In just the last few days, I have come across two superficially different cases that, on closer inspection, follow this familiar pattern.

Last month in the UK, 17-year-old Ben Moynihan was found guilty of stabbing three women. Fortunately, all three survived. His motive? Moynihan told police that “all women need to die” because they were too “fussy.”

He gives further evidence in his diary, “I was planning to murder mainly women as an act of revenge because of the life they gave me, I’m still a virgin at 17.”

In other words, women wouldn’t give him the sex he thought was his right. So he tried to kill three of them. Where have we heard this before?

Unlike Moynihan, who didn’t know his victims, former US Coast Guard Adrian Loya knew his victims all too well. In a pre-planned attack, Loya entered the home of married couple Lisa and Anna Trubnikova and shot them both.

And his motive? He had been stationed with Lisa and Ann years earlier during their time in the Alaskan coast guard. He pursued Lisa who repeatedly rejected him. Even moving across the country to Cape Cod in Massachusetts could not save her from his unwanted advances. The Boston Globe reports:

“After the couple moved to the Cape, he continued to pursue her romantically,  although she showed no interest, relatives said. “He became obsessed,” one family member, who asked not to be identified, said. “He was fixated on her”.”

He thought he was entitled to her. She rejected him. As revenge, he shot her and her wife. Lisa did not survive.

We have to acknowledge this pattern. There is something in our culture (hint: it has something to do with our fetishisation of domineering masculinity) that gives rise to men who feel that violent rage is an appropriate response to women who take control of their sexuality.

Yes, women can be violent too. But they do not, in large numbers, try to kill men just because they rejected them. Men are not killed by their female intimate partners at anything approaching the rate of one per week in Australia and two per week in the UK. There is no corresponding global pattern of female violence against men. It simply does not exist.

Again, this is not an attack on men but a plea for an end to the way society idolises masculinity as a source of power.

It is a call for an end to a stunted view of female sexuality that downplays women’s pleasure, positioning them as little more than instruments for male gratification.

Incidents of male violence against women are not aberrations. They are not unexplainable, and most importantly, they are not unpreventable.

The culture of male entitlement is real and it is killing women. How many more have to be harmed before we admit it?


man woman in bed sexy pose image

First things first: Men don’t really need to hear anything. (By the time we’re naked, we’re not really dwelling on the quality of the conversation.) That said, there’s no harm in making a full-frontal moment even more blissful by boosting your guy’s confidence or revealing something sexy about yourself. Arousal is driven by the brain, after all. So words that put us in a sexier frame of mind can lead to very pleasant results. The next time your man bares all, try one (or all) of these hot lines.

“I want you.” We probably wouldn’t be in this situation if we weren’t already about to have sex, but it’s nice to know that you’re still interested now that you’ve seen our pale thighs and spotty chest hair.

“Your chest/stomach/back is amazing.” Hey, we’re not working out for our health. Well, actually we are working out for our health, but we’re also working out because we want you to notice the little muscles sprouting up under our skin.

“There’s not an imperfection on your body.” If you can’t figure out exactly where to direct your compliment, this Hail Mary approach works just fine. Actually, it works even better.

“Tell me what you like.” This tells us that you’re willing to try new things, and that you want our sex life to be experimental. And trust me—if you try your guy’s kinky suggestions, he’ll try yours.

“That’s one handsome penis.” There’s something about an absurd compliment that feels totally sincere, like there’s no possible way you’re just quoting something you heard in a romcom. So feel free: We accept all forms of bizarre flattery relating to any part of our body or sexual performance. Plus you’ll introduce a little humor, and that’s never a bad thing.

“You can do whatever you want.” A line like this is guaranteed to make a man’s mind wander to some amazing places. Of course—only say it if you mean it (and totally trust this guy).

“I have a condom.” There’s not a damn thing wrong with a woman who can take charge of her sexual health. It lets us know that when we sleep with you, we’re not sleeping with all the other men you’ve slept with.

“You feel so good inside me.” The average guy knows he’s working with average sized equipment. But he wants to believe that he’s using that equipment in such an extraordinary way that you’re never left wishing he had another inch or two to work with. So yeah, a little reassurance is nice.

“Oh oh oh!” Because—like I said—90 percent of the time, we don’t even really need lots of compliments. In those cases, an enthusiastic moan will do wonders.

Henry Sapiecha


never-say-naked-man_woman on man image

There are two reasons men get naked: to get clean, and to get laid. Most of the time, when a guy gets naked in front of you, it’s for the second reason. Or maybe he’s about to go skinny-dipping, which—technically—has the potential to achieve both goals. In any case, a guy who disrobes before you trusts you, and he really cares what you think. Now, I know you’re way too smart to actually utter any of these phrases next to a nude dude, but just in case, here’s a little refresher:

Why aren’t you hard yet? Hey, sometimes we need to warm up slowly! But now that you asked, we’re too self-conscious and stuck inside our own head to finish the job. If we were a little too drunk, now we’re way too drunk. If we were a little too tired, suddenly our eyelids feel like anvils. It’s fine to think this one, but please don’t ask.

Are you going to get off? Same thing here—as soon as you ask, it’s definitely not happening. Sensitive sex mishaps are best dealt with delicately. If you think he’s struggling, just slow down and give him a chance to rethink his attack. Odds are he just needs a new position, a new rhythm, or a helping hand.

Oh! I have to take this call! Chances are you don’t. You’re choosing to though, and that’s kind of a boner killer.

Don’t worry—it’s cold in here. OK, OK, let’s not patronize us, alright? We’re probably already well aware of the cold and its effects. And even if it’s not cold—well, sometimes shrinkage happens for reasons we can’t explain. Maybe we just had a big workout, and all our blood is routed to our muscles. Or a big meal, and all our blood is in our stomach. We don’t know, OK? We’re not scientists!

Do you love me? Of course we love you! We love you more than the internet loves cats! Or, you know, if this is a casual thing, at least we do right now. But if you want a truly honest answer, ask us later, when we’re not so naked.ast try to phrase this in a way that doesn’t sound like we’re going to compete with some other guy’s go-to move. It’s perfectly OK to tell us what to do without also explicitly telling us that you know it from experience—like whispering in our ear how much you want us (us!) to do something to you.

Guys usually love it when I… Again, this just has a bad ring to it. Would you like it if we brought up all the girls we hooked up with while you’re naked? Didn’t think so.

I have something important I need to tell you… Bad news sounds worse when you’re naked—and we’re also less likely to give it the full weight it deserves. So whether you’re married, you’re still in love with your ex boyfriend, you’re a lesbian, you have an infectious STI, you had sex with our best friend, or anything else totally serious, please—tell us while our clothes are still on.

Wow—guys are really hairy. Any time you say “guys are …” when you’re next to our naked body, we know you’re talking specifically about us. We know not all guys are really hairy. We also know that we are. Thanks for making a point to tell us.

You should really watch Magic Mike with me. Really? Now? Channing?

So tell me about your last breakup. Really? Now? Relationship talk?

I really need to clean this apartment. This has to stop. Chances are your guy didn’t tear off his shirt to show you his meandering happy trail. He probably wants to jump your bones, and any random tangents make us feel like we’re less than exciting and not exactly great at keeping your attention. If you want to talk about something important pre-sex, may I suggest what position you’d like to try first?

Actually, I’m not really in the mood anymore. Well that is information we could have used before we hurled our jeans across the room in a flamboyant display of passion. So pardon while we step off into the bathroom for a few minutes. We have a thing to attend to.


 Traits That Make a Man Irresistible Almost Instantly …

couple on mountain vacation image

There are certain traits that make a man irresistible, for reasons unknown to us all. Sure, we want the whole package, but there are small things that entice us all. If a guy has one of these traits that make a man irresistible, then he’s definitely a contender to winning your heart.

1. Adorable Accent

An average looking man is transformed into a god after you hear his accent. Everyone has their personal favorite, but it’s a universal fact that no one can resist the British. Wouldn’t you love to hear an accented voice tell you how beautiful you look? One of the traits that make a man irresistible is his voice. It can make or break him.

2. Impressive Instrument

If you see a guy step on a stage, it’s pretty hot. He has enough confidence to get up in front of people. He has enough passion to follow his dreams. But the moment he picks up a guitar or sits behind his drum set, he instantly becomes irresistible. Even if he has no clue how to play, somehow he’ll still manage to look fantastic.

3. His Humor

Everyone gets lucky with their jokes once and a while. If he makes you laugh a few times, that’s great. But the moment you realize that the man you’re talking to is absolutely hysterical, you never want to leave his side. Life is meant to be fun, so if he makes you laugh, don’t let him leave

4. Physical Distinctions

This can take the form of many different things. For some women, tattoos are a selling point. If a man has a full sleeve, there’s no stopping her from flirting with him. For others, beards are what make them swoon. Everyone has their own preference.

5. Just like You

When you see a guy reading your favorite novel or wearing your favorite band’s t-shirt, you want to get to know him. He obviously has great taste, so you’d be able to talk for hours. Even though you don’t know anything else about him, you can imagine what his entire personality is like. You may not be right, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get to know him.

6. Swell Scent

There will be moments when you’ll walk past a guy, and you’ll be delighted by his delicious scent. Some men are experts at choosing cologne. They pick the one that you wish you could smell forever. You want to breathe in the scent from his shirt and have it to cling to your pillows. If you’re lucky, one day that’ll happen

7. Coming across Confidently

As long as he’s not cocky, confidence is attractive. It hardly matters what he looks like if he has confidence in his personality and looks. We’re all insecure about certain things, so it takes strength to walk around like you’re completely happy with yourself. If you find a man that walks tall, speaks with confidence, and acts like he has life figured out, why wouldn’t you want to spend some more time with him?

For some reason, there are certain attributes that make a man more attractive than you originally thought he was. All it takes is a little guitar strumming or cologne, and you’re stuck swooning. What traits make you instantly attracted to a man?





Henry Sapiecha