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Online dating tips for women: 5 steps to success!

Online dating has created a brave new world for single women in search of love. Indeed, the functionality of the web gives singles the ability to look for a partner using specific criteria (and to screen those who don’t fit the bill) – which means that there is a very good chance of finding someone truly compatible online.

Little wonder then, that more and more Australians are turning to the internet to find someone. In fact, nearly a quarter of Australian singles are currently using online dating, a number that only looks set to increase. In other words, it makes sense to look for love on the web. To female daters do just that, we created some online dating tips for women- guidelines to help make the most of the online dating adventure (and, who knows, maybe the men can pick up a tip or two as well!)

5 of the best online dating tips for women

1. Make that profile count.

You are fabulous. Funny, smart, educated, successful – but how can any potential dates know all that unless you are prepared to put yourself out there? A perfected profile might not be the easiest thing in the world to write but it is worth doing. It shows the world who you are and what you can offer. It may seem crude to think of dating in marketing terms, but there’s a simile here: your profile should be a bit like a window display. You are showcasing the best of yourself in order to pique the interest of someone equally wonderful.

2. Authenticity goes a long way

One of the ways you can get the most success from your ‘window display’ is to be authentic in your online interactions. While some statistics seem to suggest that following a formula is the best to way to ramp up interest, this doesn’t really tell the whole story. Yes, taking photos a certain way or writing a certain type of profile may result in more messages, but if this projected persona doesn’t match the authentic you then the messages you receive won’t match either. Being honest in your interactions – answering messages honestly and using current photos – means that those who do get in touch will be interested in the real you. When it comes to messages from matches, quantity might be one thing, but quality is so much more rewarding.

3. Know what you want

Being honest is important when relating with others online, but it is also important that you be honest with yourself. Indeed, some dating experts even suggest starting out your online journey by making a really precise wishlist, including everything from specific location to future plans. That way, when it comes time to fill in your profile details, or to look through potential matches, you will already have an idea in mind of what you think will work.

4. Confidence is attractive

It is a truism that confidence can be very attractive. One of the key online dating tips for women is to learn to embrace this, using that confidence to make a first move. If someone interesting sounding pops up as one of your suggestions then why not be the first to get in touch? After all, there’s a good chance they simply may not have seen your profile yet, so waiting on them could result in a missed opportunity. If you find someone intriguing, then there is no harm in reaching out and saying hello. If that sounds too daunting, then make sure to the most of our guided communication service – it is ideal if you don’t know where to start!

5. Be kind to yourself

Even the most confident women know that looking for love is not always a social whirl. You can be armed with every online dating trick in the book and still experience a quiet patch or send a message that gets no reply. The thing is, these quiet patches happen to everyone. They are not a reflection of anyone’s worth. This is why it is so vital to be kind to yourself when online. Taking the time to remind yourself that you are in fact wonderful and that you are worthy of love is the best way to get your head back in the game – and you may just find that the appeal of a positive attitude is the quickest route to a successful match.

Internet romance may be a brave new world but it is one that is easy to navigate when armed with the right online dating tips. When you mix an eye-catching profile with an authentic, confident approach and a dash of kindness, you have a recipe that is bound to cook up success for many Australian women. Exciting prospect, isn’t it?

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Henry Sapiecha

To forget the one that got away is hard & here is why

"I've seen tears well up in the eyes of women in their 50s telling tales of adolescent heartbreak."

“I’ve seen tears well up in the eyes of women in their 50s telling tales of adolescent heartbreak.” Photo: Stocksy

My friends and I have an expression: “pulling a Mike”. To “pull a Mike” is to throw yourself at someone and declare your love, only to be knocked back so completely it takes a week for the pulpy remains of your heart to resume beating again.

Mike was a guy I knew in university. He was a history major. A dark, pony-tailed type, he was just a little bit smarter than the rest of us and his slightly frayed Levi’s fitted just a little better than anyone else’s. He was partial to big words with lots of syllables and stroked his chin when he spoke. I used to gaze at him across the classroom, imagining the bright, pony-tailed children we’d have, all the while missing the finer points the professor was making about the economic implications of crop failure in Tudor-Stuart England.

Having pined for him all year, I decided, as exams approached, that I needed to make my move. I prepared myself carefully, skolling at least four cans of VB before approaching him. This made me feel bolder than I really was, not to mention more attractive; it also made me drool a little and sway from side to side as I delivered my speech.

It went something like this: “So Mike, is this attraction mutual, or is it just me?”

His response was swift, and unambiguous. “It’s just you.”

Flashback: my parent’s holiday house, the summer of 1979. Sean Lewis was nine, a year and a half older than me. He had charisma. He won the local Fonz contest; I wanted nothing more than to be his Leather Tuscadero. So I was thrilled when he came up to me down by the swimming dock and said he wanted to talk. As he spoke, I was so mesmerised by the lock of sandy hair that tumbled over his left eye that I almost missed what he said.

“Why do you keep following me around? It’s weird.”

I’ve had plenty of successful dates in my life, and several happy relationships, but for some reason it’s the rejections that stick. I can barely recall the name of my first high-school boyfriend, or the guy I lived with for two years after I finished university. But I remember specifically that Warren Black took Carol Mayfield to the first boy-girl party at primary school instead of me.

I’ve talked to a few people about this, and I know I’m not alone. I’ve seen tears well up in the eyes of women in their 50s telling tales of adolescent heartbreak; it seems there is no scar like the one inflicted by a 17-year-old boy on a 17-year-old girl when he takes someone prettier to the ball. Why do these romantic mishaps sting for so long?

For one, we just seem to be predisposed to remember bad times more clearly than good. Maybe it’s a primeval survival thing. (Wow, things went really badly when I tried to pat that sabre-toothed tiger. Next time I’ll just stay in the cave.) Rejection is traumatic and love is not; obsessing over an unrequited passion 20 years gone might be like remembering exactly where you were the day Kurt Cobain died, or on the morning of September 11.

And heartbreak hurts, literally. Science tells us so. Anxiety (and romantic knock-backs definitely cause angst) releases hormones, like adrenalin, which can stress the heart and force it to work harder.

Some scientists also equate love with other forms of chemical addiction. In this case, it’s the oxytocin withdrawal that gives you the DTs. And how about this: Dutch researchers had test subjects send in photos of themselves to be viewed by other volunteers for an experiment on “first impressions”. Weeks later, the scientists hooked each individual up to an electrocardiogram and measured their heart rate as they heard what the other people thought. When they were told another person didn’t like them, their pulses slowed. Rejection really “broke” their hearts.

Then there’s the simple fact of age. When we’re young, romance and dating weigh more heavily than in later years. Life’s true traumas are not yet apparent, and so we assign our quota of emotional turmoil to affairs of the heart. Somewhere around the age of 30, things change. Children are born, parents grow older and weaker, friends disappear or are lost. Romantic anguish takes a back seat.

And this, maybe, is the point. Looking back on the dockside rebuff of a schoolboy, or the beer-fuelled longings of my 20-something self, I actually feel nostalgic for those early heartbreaks. There is a wonderful innocence in idealising someone the way you do when you are young, of fantasising about marriage and family and love, without the foreknowledge of how nice but, well, mundane these things can become in adult life.

I’m not as brave as I used to be (or I don’t drink as much) and haven’t “pulled a Mike” in a while. I did look up the original Mike the other day. He’s a history professor, still pony-tailed, still in Levi’s. I’ve moved on and I can see now it never would have worked between us.

But he’s left me with some useful words. A younger friend came over the other evening, regretful and teary after propositioning a guy by text and getting the following reply: sry not in2 U.

“Don’t worry,” I said, “you’ve only pulled a Mike. Enjoy it while you can.”

Sunday Life

Henry Sapiecha

TEN THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR IN A MAN TO ESTABLISH THAT HE IS REALLY INTO YOU

WOMAN LOOKS LONELY AT BAR IMAGE www.goodgirlsgo.com

There is nothing worse than falling for a guy only to find out that he wasn’t ever really into you in the first place. It can be heart breaking and embarrassing, especially if everyone else noticed his non interest before you did.

Here are ten signs that will alert you that he’s just not that into you.

1. He Avoids Eye Contact

Body language is an important way that people communicate without words. If he has a hard time looking you in the eye, he isn’t connecting on a deep level. This is a major red flag!

2. He Doesn’t Call

If a guy is really into you, he will want to talk to you. This means that you can expect an occasional call “just because.” If he doesn’t call, watch out!

3. He Doesn’t Touch You

When a guy likes a girl, he typically looks for an excuse to touch her or to be physically close. If he backs away when you touch him or if he doesn’t initiate contact, he might not like you.

4. He is Distracted

When you are together, does he tune you out? If he is busy watching the game instead of listening to what you are saying, that’s not a good sign.

5. He Talks about Other Girls

If he makes comments about other girls being attractive, then he is definitely not taking your feelings into consideration. This is a major clue that he doesn’t like you as more than a friend.

6. He Won’t Let You Meet His Mom

When a guy is serious about a girl, he will usually take her to meet his mom. This is a rite of passage for every girlfriend to see if she meets his mom’s approval. If it doesn’t occur to him to take you home to see his family, he probably doesn’t like you.

7. He Doesn’t Return Your Texts

If you text him and he doesn’t answer, it’s not a good sign. When a guy is really interested in a girl, he jumps at a chance to have any kind of contact, whether it is by phone, text, email, or in person.

8. He Would Rather Hang out with Friends

If he prefers hanging out with the guys over spending time with you, he probably isn’t that into you. You should be his first priority.

9. He Turns You down

If you invite him out for a movie and he turns you down without a good reason, you better be careful! This is an obvious clue that he isn’t feeling it.

10. He’s Disrespectful

In case you didn’t get the clue already, this is the final nail in the coffin. If he treats you disrespectfully in any situation, then he isn’t into you and he isn’t worth your time.

Use these clues to know for sure if your guy is into you. If you notice more than two of these red flags, it might be time to look for a new crush. What are some other signs you have noticed when a guy just isn’t into you?

Henry Sapiecha

IMPROVING YOUR ON-LINE DATING PROFILE WITH THESE SIMPLE WORDS TO FIND A DATE

girl kisses monitor screen image www.goodgirlsgo.com (2)

When Amy Webb’s relationship came crashing down she turned to online dating.

Lazily, she copied and pasted her resume into her profile.

“In the descriptive part up top, I said that I was an award-winning journalist and a future thinker, says Webb in her Ted Talk titled: How I hacked online dating.

“When I was asked about fun activities and my ideal date, I said monetization and fluency in Japanese,” she says.

She also talked a lot about Java Script, a computer programming language.

Putting her not-so-sexy foot forward, Webb went on what she described as “truly awful dates.”

Before giving up, she did some research on how to make her profile more attractive. Webb soon became the most popular person online.

Similarly, a new study from online dating site eHarmony has found that when filling out a dating profile the words used can greatly affect the experience.

The study, which involved 12,000 members, found a list of keywords that make a profile more desirable to the opposite sex.

For men, the adjectives, “perceptive”, “physically fit” and “passionate” are more likely to motivate women to start a conversation with them. While adding the words, “quiet”, “energetic” and “respectful” to a profile can have the opposite effect.

Researchers also found women who use the words, “sweet”, “funny” and “ambitious” receive more interest. But the words, “spiritual”, “quiet” and “romantic” fall flat.

Wired website conducted a similar study on how to write the perfect online dating profile.

Using data from dating sites OK Cupid and Match.com, they found people who listed surfing and yoga, followed by skiing and the ocean had the most success.

Additionally, “the most attractive band you can mention is Radiohead,” says the website.

Finding the right profile picture isn’t easy either.

Looking at the pictures of OK Cupid’s top 400 profiles Wired found wacky photos were unattractive, and suggested swapping your profile picture regularly to appear fresh. Narrowing it down to three rules they say: “Stay fresh, stay clothed, get out.”

Interestingly, when it comes to choosing a profile picture, Webb found that more popular women showed some skin.

She says: “The most popular words used by the most popular women were words like, “fun”, “girl” and “love”.

While this information could be mistaken for “catfishing”, Webb points out that hacking your profile isn’t about fabricating information.

“It’s about being more approachable,” she says.

A few weeks later Webb met a guy name Thevenin and two and half years later they were married.

“As it turns out, there is an algorithm for love. It’s just not the ones that we’re being presented with online,” Webb says.

“All you have to really do is figure out your own framework and play by your own rules.”

“And feel free to be as picky as you want.”

Henry Sapiecha