Archives for : June2014


‘I did not have an easy childhood’: Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson reveals her painful history of sex abuse at the launch of her charity foundation in Cannes.

Pamela Anderson attends an event in Cannes image

The revelation came as she unveiled the Pamela Anderson Foundation, which will focus on the environment and animal rights, in front of more than 200 people during the film festival in France on Friday.

I wanted off this earth.

Anderson, 46, said her past had prompted her love of nature.

“I feel now might be the time to reveal a few of my most painful memories. At the risk of over-exposing myself, again, or being inappropriate, again, I thought I might share with you why I am doing this,” the Baywatch star said.

Anderson has previously revealed she was raped when she was 12, but she detailed a further string of abusive incidents, alleging she was molested by a female babysitter at the age of six and gang-raped as a teen.

“I did not have an easy childhood. Despite loving parents, I was molested from age six by a female babysitter … I went to a friend’s boyfriend’s house and his older brother decided to teach me backgammon, which led into a back massage, which led into rape. My first heterosexual experience. He was 25 years old and I was 12.”


She then added that a high school teenager “decided it would be funny to gang-rape me with six friends. I wanted off this earth.”

British fashion designer Vivienne Westwood was on hand to support her friend, but admitted the revelations came as a shock to her.

She told Britain’s The Guardian newspaper: “I did not know she had been through all of that. I have known her a long time now and we are really close.

Henry Sapiecha

Sudanese mum sentenced to death by muslims for being a Christian gives birth in jail

 Daniel Wani and Meriam Ibrahim on their wedding day image

Happier times … Daniel Wani and Meriam Ibrahim on their wedding day.

A Christian Sudanese woman who has been sentenced to hang for apostasy has given birth in jail in Khartoum, a Western diplomat said on Tuesday.

“She gave birth to a girl today. The mother and the baby seem to be doing okay,” said a diplomat, who wished to remain anonymous.

But he said: “It’s a cruel treatment to be in such a situation.”

Meriam Ibrahim was sentenced to death after being found guilty of converting from Islam to Christianity and marrying a Christian man, US citizen Daniel Wani, who lives in New Hampshire. The couple are also parents to 20-month-old Martin.

The 27-year-old doctor was three weeks pregnant in September when she was arrested under the Islamic sharia law that has been in force in Sudan since 1983. At the time, her husband was visiting Khartoum to try to arrange for the family to move to America.

She will receive 100 lashes before she is executed sometime in the next two years.

Martin, the 20-month-old son of death row prisoner Meriam Ibrahim.image

Meriam’s toddler son lives with her in the prison, where she has been shackled to the floor for the last months of her pregnancy. Officials will not allow her husband to take the children as they say they are Muslim and should not be under the care of a Christian.

The mum of two is unrepentant about her choice, telling her husband weeks ago, “If they want to execute me then they should go ahead and do it because I’m not going to change my faith.” She says she has “always been a Christian” after her mother brought her up in the religion, and that she could not “pretend to be a Muslim” in order to save her life.

An online petition that requests the cancellation of Meriam’s execeution has accumulated more than 660,000 signatures

Henry Sapiecha


You know I’m not one to fuss around when it comes to spending time on my everyday makeup routine don’t you?

By Nikki Parkinson Courier Mail

1-minute-makeup  collection image

Sure, if I need to get my fancy schmancy on then I’ll go all out and allocate appropriate time or out-source to achieve the required level of makeup brilliance to suit the occasion.

But if it’s for the day-to-day, I’m a lazy-girl from way back.

Not so lazy that I go without. Judge away if you like but I do feel more put together if I’ve slapped on a bit of a face.

Doesn’t have to be much and usually takes me two minutes max.

The advent – and my enthusiastic embracing – of BB and CC creams (if BBs and CCs seems like a foreign language to you, here’s a link to all the posts I’ve ever written about them) has certainly made this task all the easier because if my complexion is evened out then I’m most of the way there.

This week I’ve nailed a one minute makeup scenario using five new-ish products – including a CC cream from NIVEA – that have landed on my desk and were promptly put to work in the Styling You bathroom.

This combination is one that makes me look fresh (when I’m mostly not feeling so fresh). It may work for you too.

1. Garnier Skin Naturals Perfect Blur $16.95: Consider this your Instagram filter but one that you can walk around with on your face all day. It’s a makeup primer that creates a smooth base for what you put on top but it also has magic properties that reflect light so that your skin looks all kinds of fabulous. Love the matte finish and love the price point of this product for what it does.

2. NIVEA Q10 Plus CC Cream $19.55 (the product pictured is the NIVEA Daily Essentials Tinted Day Cream not the new CC Cream): This is NIVEA’s first offering in the BB/CC market and it’s a good one. It combines the power of its Q10 wrinkle-fighting formula with the colour correction properties to even out and brighten skin tone. I find the hydration components to be good for my skin, which is on the dry side. Would love to see a higher SPF than the SPF 15 but this would work for me most days as I spend the majority of my time inside.

3. Maybelline NY The Colossal Volum’ Express Mascara Smoky Eyes $19.95: I haven’t met a Maybelline mascara that I haven’t loved and by rights this one should only come out when teamed with a smokey eye. But one morning I accidentally reached for this baby and my eyes loved the results. In a one-minute routine like this where I’m not adding eye colour or eye liner, it works to pop those peepers in a lazy-girl way.

4. Ere Perez Bondi Blush Pure Rice Powder $31.90: I may do all of the above very quickly but when it comes to adding some “icing”, if you like, I’m all about the glow. Love any product that makes me look like I have a glow when I very much do not. In the interests of lazy-girl application, I swish the colours in this blusher together and apply from the temples down to the tops of my cheekbone. This is a

vegan-friendly, cruelty-free and non-chemical product.

5. NARS Satin Lip Pencil in Decanso $39: My lip colour collection is vast. Can’t leave home without something on my lips. You’ll find lipsticks, glosses, hybrid gloss/lipsticks and now crayons. Love how they go on soft and creamy and keep your lips hydrated. Application is a cinch because you can angle the crayon like a liner, line the lips and then fill.

Henry Sapiecha


womans small gstring panties black image

Some info collected what we hope are all the essential things you should know about your vagina. It’s not usually a subject we talk about amongst friends, and oft times we are too embarrassed to seek advice from a medical professional. It’s also hard to admit we might be a wee bit ignorant about the most intimate part of our body. Here are the essential things you should know about your vagina.

1. Vulva Variety

The first of the things you should know about your vagina is that there is no right or wrong ‘look.’ The vulva are the outer lips of your vaginal area and every woman’s vulva is different. You might have plump, curvy vulva or thin, elegant vulva. Embrace your shape – all vulva are beautiful and unless you are in discomfort or a porn star, there‘s no reason to consider labiaplasty (vaginal rejuvenation surgery).

2. Pee is for Penis

Men urinate through their penis. However, women do not pee through their vagina. Your bladder empties through the urethral opening, which is under the clitoris and above the vaginal opening.

3. Clots Are Normal

Menstrual blood can sometimes be a bit freaky as it doesn’t flow like blood from elsewhere in the body. This is because the ‘blood’ is actually uterine lining. The womb lining is rich with blood in readiness to make a safe and healthy home for a fetus, so clotted blood is normal during your period. You need not be concerned unless the clots are large, heavy and bleeding is prolonged.

4. Discharge is Normal Too

Another of the things to know about vaginas is that discharge is completely natural, but there’s also no need to be concerned if you don’t have any. The amount of discharge varies greatly from woman to woman and also varies at different times during the menstrual cycle. If, however, you have itching, burning and odor together with discharge, it is best to seek medical attention.

5. Dead End

Your vagina is a two way street but it is a cul-de-sac. The vagina leads to the womb and nowhere else. Anything entering your vagina cannot access anywhere else in your body. If you have lost something in your vagina you can retrieve it but never use any kind of tool. And always, always remember to take out the last tampon of your period, otherwise you put yourself at great risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome – check out info on TSS here:

6. Fall out

One of the facts about vaginas you may not know is that it can “fall out.” In what is known as a pelvic prolapse, your vagina can turn inside out and hang between your legs. But no need to fret – it can be corrected.

7. Like a Virgin

Sorry girls, but once it’s gone, it stays gone. Losing your virginity is a one-time only offer. Losing your virginity refers to the breaking of the hymen, a membrane that partially closes the vagina – and yes, it can be broken by things other than penile penetration, but you remain a virgin until your first act of sexual intercourse.

8. Musclebound

Your vagina is a muscle and contracts and stretches just like other muscles do. And just like other muscles, if you don’t use them, you lose them. Regular sex is enough of a workout, but post-menopause, the fragile vaginal tissue is prone to scarring and shrinking, so if you’re a lady of a certain age and don’t have a partner for a prolonged period of time, it is best to invest in a battery-operated boyfriend.

9. Wow- Stretchy

While on the subject of muscles, the vagina muscle is incredibly stretchy for birthing. This can leave you feeling loose. If your vagina isn’t as tight as you like, or is suffering from being a bit goosey loosey after you’ve had kids, vaginal exercises can do wonders. Known as Kegel exercises, get to work by contracting and relaxing 10 times for 3 sets a few times a day. If you’re not sure, try to stop the flow of urine when you pee – that will demonstrate exactly what you need to be doing.

10. To Douche or Not to Douche?

There is no need to douche. Another of the things to know about your vagina is that it has a signature smell that is unique to you. Why would you want to mask that smell with douches that smell like rose petals or the ocean? If you are douching because you have a particularly strong odor and it is accompanied by discharge, it could be the sign of an infection, so instead of reaching for a douche spray, seek medical advice.

11. Lubrication

You are not abnormal if you need to use lubricant during sex and many women experience this as they age. A dry vagina can make sex uncomfortable and a real turn off. There are plenty of lubricants – synthetics like KY Jelly or natural ones like Astroglide, which is made from coconut oil. Turn your dry problem into fun by using flavored lubes.

12. Ouch

You should not feel pain when you have sex. One of the obvious facts about your vagina is that it is specifically designed for sex. That is its function. Don’t put up with painful sex and do not suffer in silence – see your gynecologist or MD.

13. Ejaculation

One of the controversial facts about vaginas is female ejaculation. Yes, females ejaculate. And again, it doesn’t make you abnormal if you don’t or haven’t yet. There are two explanations of female ejaculation. If your ejaculation is a small amount and of a milky consistency, it is likely a discharge from the paraurethral glands in response to orgasm. If it is a decent amount it is more likely to be urine caused by contractions of the bladder. In many cases it is a combination of both.

14. Orgasms

Not every woman experiences orgasm and few attain it purely from penetration. Orgasm is usually generated by clitoral stimulation either with the fingers or finding the perfect position during penetration. The reason the rabbit vibrator is so successful is because it provides the perfect combination of penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time.

15. G-Spot

One of the things you should know about your vagina is, although you have a G-Spot, it isn’t always easy to find. Many women spend their sexual lives searching for that elusive sweet spot that is meant to be the key to orgasm. Apparently, the best way to find it is stimulate the front wall of your vagina using come hither motion with your finger. But, if you can’t locate it, it won’t stop you having great sex.

16. Embarrassing Noises

This is one of these unforgiving facts about vaginas. Vaginal farts (aka varts) are normal, healthy and absolutely nothing to worry about – albeit they can be somewhat embarrassing.

17. STIs

Your vagina is precious and you should treat it with respect. Did you know that you can catch sexually transmitted diseases and infections even if you use condoms? During sex, the vulva are exposed to and come into contact with the genital area and scrotum, which may be infected with herpes, genital warts, chlamydia or worse. Rule – choose your partners carefully and seek medical help at the very first sign of any symptoms of an STI.

18. Sex is Healthy

Safe sex is good for you. Sex can put a smile on your face but it can also reduce your risk of heart disease, bolster your immune system, reduce your risk of breast cancer, improve your fitness, help you sleep, lower stress levels, make you appear more youthful and improve your self esteem.

19. Fashion Accessory

Although the vagina is not usually a topic of conversation and is still kept private and under wraps, it has in more recent times become a part of the body where appearance is now more considered. There’s a multitude of choices if you want to “decorate” your vagina – waxing, piercing, tattooing, and shaving. Your choice!

20. Smear Test

The last of the things you should know about your vagina that I want to share with you is about Pap smear tests. Grit your teeth and bear with because it’s important as it tests for cervical cancer. However, bear in mind that what it doesn’t test for is ovarian cancer, uterine cancer or any non-vaginal but connected areas.

21. It Gets Wrinkles Too

As we age, our face isn’t the only thing that does. Our vaginas can develop wrinkles especially as we near age 45 or 50. This happens simply because our skin loses muscle tone and the labia changes in appearance. It becomes less plump, because less estrogen is being produced in the body. The labia are the fatty pads of the vagina that house collagen. Collagen is the fibers of the skin that show wrinkles, or help us look youthful. When estrogen decreases, collagen production dissipates, which leads to wrinkles.

22. It Can Change Colors

Again, our face isn’t the only thing that ages with time. Just like we develop age spots, so does our vagina. The skin of the vulva lighten or darken in color. It’s nothing to be afraid of, and most likely, the change is hardly noticeable.

23. G-spot or C-Spot

The G-spot of the vagina is often discussed as being the spot that causes a woman to orgasm. Men see it as their mission to help find a woman’s G-spot during intercourse, and most women are familiar with their own. Yet, what neither most men or women know, is that although the G-spot is real, it is actually just the clitoris of the vagina and really not some secret hidden part that exists on its own. I guess we should possibly start calling it the C-spot?

I hope you’ve found these facts about vaginas educational.

Henry Sapiecha


blonde sits on bed with vase image

I’m sure most of you always wondered about the things men notice first in women and you didn’t get an honest answer yet. Well, you should know that men aren’t so hard to understand because they are pretty straight-forward and you could easily find out what things men notice first in women by simply watching them very carefully every time they meet a new lady. According to Dr. Paul Dobransky, the author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, “In the first five minutes of meeting someone, it’s generally physical beauty that attracts men. That’s actually the very first step of courtship for them.” But we shouldn’t get him wrong because he also explains that not all men are attracted to supermodels and that every men has his own individual taste in women. So, read on and find out what most men notice first about a woman:

1. Eyes

eye chic

One of the most common things men notice first in women is, of course, their eyes. It is said that the eyes are the windows to your soul so I guess we understand why this is the first thing a man notices about a lady. Usually, eyes tell us a lot about a person. You can find out if that person is lying to you or telling the truth, if it’s a nice person or, on the contrary, someone whom you wouldn’t want to have around you.

2. Smile

womans smiling mouth with teeth image

I’ve read a lot of surveys about the things men notice first in women and in almost all of them, a beautiful smile came second on the list. Well, that’s not very surprising because, after all, who doesn’t like to look at a person with a nice smile? A lot of research has shown that when you first meet someone, no matter where you are, a nice but genuine smile indicates interest. So, try to smile more often because you never know who will fall in love with your smile.

3. Hair

brunette long hair image www.goodgirlsgo (2)

Apparently, another thing most men notice first in a woman is her beautiful and healthy hair. So, maybe all those long hours spent at the hairdresser aren’t in vain after all. Research has shown that most men think that hair which is healthy, stylish, shiny and sleek is a sign of health and youth. Some surveys have shown that men would like to be with someone with natural, long, flowing, soft hair that smells amazing too.

4. Legs

leggy woman on green background image

Well, I’m sure this isn’t a surprise for anyone. Men like long legs and that is one of the things they first notice about a woman, but you should know that in the long term there are other qualities that matter more to them than a nice pair of legs. A study that involved more than 200 men and women “revealed that people whose legs are 5% longer than average are considered the most attractive, regardless of their gender.”

5. Chest

busty sexy brunette in yellow dress image

I’m sure a lot of you thought this is the first thing men would notice when they would first meet a woman. Well, you were wrong; men are not as superficial as you might think. In fact, research has shown that a man does notice a woman’s chest but only after her eyes and her smile. Breasts are considered to be a sign of fertility and youth, so this is more like men’s biological hard wiring, they just can’t help it

6. Dress Sense

fashion minded pair girls image

Perhaps this is quite surprising but you should know that most men do notice a woman’s dress sense. One recent study has even found that men prefer classier dressers to women who show too much of their skin. So, apparently all your efforts of dressing nicely don’t pass unnoticed after all. A great (not necessarily expensive) sense of style tells a lot about a person, so pay a lot of attention to the way you dress because you wouldn’t want to send the wrong message.

7. Skin


Also, you might be surprised to find out that men notice more than all those sexual traits and they do pay attention to the way your skin looks. A lot of surveys have indicated that men see a good complexion as a sign of health. Thus, in their opinion, it’s more likely for a woman with a healthy-looking complexion to be more fertile and to produce healthier offspring.

There are a lot of other things men usually notice when they first meet a woman, things I haven’t mentioned in this list.

Henry Sapiecha




So, maybe there is a guy you like and you are looking for ways to catch his attention. You might even be dating him or married to him. Whatever the status is with this guy that has you looking for ways to catch his attention, these ideas will work. It can actually be quite fun trying them out.

1. Smile

One of the very best ways to catch his attention is to smile at him. It sounds too simple to work, doesn’t it? But it actually does work and quite well. The trick is to give him a smile and hold it for several seconds. Don’t be surprised if he even asks you what you are smiling about. Be ready with a good answer!

2. Lean Forward

Leaning forward when a man talks to you can give him the message that you are very interested in what he is saying. And when he knows he has a captive audience, he is certainly going to take notice. Not only will he enjoy your attentiveness but he is very likely to go on talking for quite a while, which is something that most women really enjoy. We all love a guy who wants to open his heart and share his thoughts with us. Letting him know you are paying close attention by leaning forward will help him to do that.

3. Wear Red

This one surprised me a bit but men actually notice women that are wearing red more than women who are not. Maybe this is because men struggle with a degree of color blindness and this bright, bold color is an easy one for their eye to enjoy. Whatever the reason, if you are trying to catch his attention, comb your closet for something red to wear. If you don’t have anything in this color then it just may be time to go shopping. A solid top in this hue is just the ticket here.

4. Wear Your Hair down

If your hair is long, wear it down. Most men, but certainly not all, like long hair. You can get bonus points if you play with a strand of it a bit. This is a great way to catch a man’s attention. You are drawing his attention in and he may just be captivated by you when you do this.

5. Laugh at His Jokes

Most men cannot resist a woman who he can entertain. There is a bit of a little boy in most men. This little boy on the inside loves the challenge of seeing if he can make someone laugh and when you do, he is a happy man. He may keep right on telling jokes to see if he can make you keep right on laughing. Your appreciation of his humor will flatter him.

6. Wink

A flirtatious little wink will certainly catch a man’s attention. It gives him the message that you noticed him and you like what you see. This is a great way to put the ball in a man’s court, too. One little wink isn’t so hard to manage. This is an easy way you can turn it back to him and wait and see what he does next.

7. Don’t Speak First

This is a bit of a game changer. Give a guy your smile and just wait. If you speak first, you lose. If you wait and just continue giving him a pretty smile when he looks your way, you are guaranteed to be noticed. The goal is to get him interested enough that he talks first and strikes up a conversation with you.

Now it’s your turn, ladies. What methods do you use to catch his attention? What has gave you guaranteed success in this area?

Henry Sapiecha



If you have a fair complexion you may wonder about beauty tips for pale skin. Porcelain skin is absolutely gorgeous. With these 20 beauty tips for pale skin you can make it even more fabulous.

1. Avoid Neutral Lip Colors


If you have a light complexion it is best to avoid light lip colors. Nudes and light browns won’t do your fair skin any justice. In fact you will look more dead than alive

2. Go for Color


Since we know neutral lip colors are out, what are some beauty tips for pale skin? Women with pale skin look best in bright lipstick. Try reds or corals. Think of Scarlett Johansson with her beautiful porcelain skin and bright ruby lips.

3. Light Eyes


If you have blue or green eyes, than opt for eye shadows that have a blue and green hint to them. Even bold blues and greens will work. These colors will really make your eyes pop

4. Brown Eyes


If you have brown eyes and pale skin you may be wondering about beauty tips for pale skin. Brown eyes look great on pale skin with dark chocolate browns, lavenders, and gray. These colors are sure to make your eyes glimmer.

5. Avoid Neutral Eye Shadow


Pale skin doesn’t do well with neutral eye shadows. Creams and beige will wipe out your complexion instead of giving you dimension. Avoid them at all cost.

6. Eyeliner


If you are having trouble choosing the right eyeliner, keep reading this beauty tip for pale skin. It’s best to go with eyeliner that is a shade or two darker than your eye shadow. One thing is for sure, you never want to go lighter.

7. Mascara


Plain and simple, always choose black mascara. It will help make your eyes pop. Brown or clear mascara won’t do your complexion any good.

8. Test Foundation


The next beauty tip for pale skin deals with picking out the right foundation. Often times I have trouble picking out foundations because the colors look too pink or grey. I suggest taking advantage of the testers. Remember to test the foundation on your face not your hand. Look at the color in the store and out in natural light before making your final decision.

9. Don’t Skip Blush


Ever! It still confuses me why so many women think blush is not a necessity. Blush gives your face color, definition and warmth. Always apply light and add more as needed.

10. Try Bronzer


If you still aren’t sold on the idea of blush at least give a little bronzer a try. Bronzer works best to give you a nice sun-kissed glow when applied to your cheeks, chin, nose, and forehead. These are all spots the sun would naturally hit.

11. Blonde


Many women ask for hair beauty tips for pale skin. If you aren’t a natural blonde, going blonde can be difficult. You really want to work with your stylist to find the perfect blonde for your skin tone. Choosing the wrong color will wash you out horribly.

12. Brunettes and Red Heads


Porcelain skin looks absolutely gorgeous when paired with dark brown, reds, and even black. Debra Messing is a perfect example of someone with fair skin that looks incredibly beautiful with red fiery locks.

13. No Light Clothes


Unless you want to look naked from a distance, I strongly urge you not to wear whites and creams. The colors are too light and will blend in with your skin tone.

14. Go with Bold Colors


Just like with everything else our beauty tips for pale skin suggest you go bold. Your light complexion means you can pull off red and coral colors. Don’t feel overwhelmed by the thought. Try adding a few more bold colors to your wardrobe.

15. Skin Care


No beauty tips for pale skin list would be complete without skin care advice. It’s important to remember to always wash your face and remove any makeup at night before bed. A good skin care regimen helps to prevent breakouts.

16. Sunscreen


Fair skin is more likely to burn in the sun. Even when you think the risk for a burn isn’t likely, you still need to wear sunscreen. It is especially important to apply sunscreen to your face every day. Sun damage will age your skin causing dark spots, uneven complexion and wrinkles. Don’t let the sun ruin your beautiful fair skin.

17. Hide Red


If your skin is irritated or you have a blemish it’s going to show on your skin. You can easily hide these red flaws by covering with a green tinted concealer. The green neutralizes the red.

18. Even out Complexion


If your skin is already showing signs of damage from the sun consider micro-dermabrasion. Micro-dermabrasion works by removing the top layer of your skin to reveal a new layer that is fresher and less damaged. If you can’t afford the spa treatment try an at-home kit.

19. Healthy Diet


You wouldn’t think a healthy diet would be a part of beauty tips for fair skin, but it is. Fresh fruits and veggies do wonderful things for your skin. Foods like apples, papaya and leafy greens are packed with essential vitamins to give your skin a healthy appearance.

20. Water


If we are going to talk about food, we can’t forget water. You need to always drink at least 8 glasses of water each day. Water helps hydrate the skin from the inside. Don’t forget to drink your water.

Over all, the beauty tips for pale skin can easily be summed up. First you need to have a good diet and drink lots of water. Second follow a good skin care regimen to keep your skin clean and clear of breakouts. And finally don’t be afraid of color when applying makeup, choosing hair color, or picking out clothes. What are some of your favorite beauty tips for pale skin?

Henry Sapiecha




man woman kiss image

I hear so many of my friends talking about how they met a guy and had wonderful sex and then the guy only calls or comes by when he wants sex. OK honey what you need to know is that what you had with him was a physical attraction that magnified feelings of a deeper nature. Now let me make myself clear he is not a bad guy, for the most part, he was simply thinking “it’s just sex what’s the harm in that”. So here are some super signs to look for to see if it is just sex:

1. Every Time You See Each Other It’s Only to Have Sex

So many women and men are having this type of relationship thinking that it’s more and it’s not. It’s Just Sex.

2. Only Comes over at Night

They call you around 10 pm or later asking if you can come over or if they can come over around midnight. A lot of people think “oh they are just really busy” no they are calling for a booty call. It’s Just Sex.

3. Doesn’t Want to Go out Anywhere

Yes staying at home is nice sometimes but there is a whole world outside of the bedroom. It’s Just Sex

4. Never Talks about Family and Friends

Think, do you even know if their parents are alive, do they have siblings. If you don’t know it might just be sex

5. Doesn’t Want to Hear about Your Family and Friends

Are you bummed out about your family and want to talk about it and they don’t want to hear about it. It could be just sex

6. Phone Conversations or Text Messages

Are Only in a Sexual Nature

Do you only swap sexy texts or photos? Some relationships are like this but others are Just Sex.

7. You Only Meet at Places Where Sex Can Occur

Only going to their house/apartment or vice verse might just be sex.

8. No Sleepovers

They come over at midnight have sex and then around 2 am they want to go home or send you home. Oh yeah it’s just sex.

9. You Don’t Eat Together

Ever hear that old saying “a couple that eats together stays together”.

10. They Take a Shower Right after Sex and

Send You on Your Way

Normally you want to rest a bit and maybe talk. When they all of a sudden they want you to leave it’s probably just sex.

11. Never Talk about Life outside the Bedroom

There are so many other things going on that you could talk about.

12. You Only Have a Cell Phone or Beeper Number

It could be Just Sex

13. When You Talk It’s Only to Setup a Sex Time

Ever call then and setup a time to meet and you end up having sex. It’s Just Sex.

14. They Avoid You in Public

You see them and you know they saw you and they turn away. It’s Just Sex.

15. Only Spends a Couple of Hours with You

Only spend enough time with you to have sex. Then It’s Just Sex.

16. There is No Quality Time

No matter how busy he says he is, if was serious about the two of you he’d make an effort to spend time with you outside the bedroom.

17. He Keeps His Distance

He makes sure the two of you never get too close emotionally by keeping things from you. If you tell him you like it when he does a certain something, he’ll stop because he wants to keep things casual emotionally.

18. He Tells You so

Has he ever straight-up told you that he’s not interested in anything serious and just wants to play the field? He wouldn’t be saying these things if it weren’t true!

19. You Initiate All Communication

If it’s not about sex, all communication is likely to come from you. Are you the only one suggesting dates? Are you the only one who tries to start a real conversation when the two of you are together?

20. He Doesn’t Care if He Hurts Your Feelings

If you get visibly upset about the lack of communication or closeness between you two and doesn’t care, he probably doesn’t care about you, either.

21. He Cheats

Or should I say he has multiple sex partners that he’s not very private about. If the guy is openly having sex with multiple partners, it is definitely not a relationship.

Henry Sapiecha




There is nothing worse than falling for a guy only to find out that he wasn’t ever really into you in the first place. It can be heart breaking and embarrassing, especially if everyone else noticed his non interest before you did.

Here are ten signs that will alert you that he’s just not that into you.

1. He Avoids Eye Contact

Body language is an important way that people communicate without words. If he has a hard time looking you in the eye, he isn’t connecting on a deep level. This is a major red flag!

2. He Doesn’t Call

If a guy is really into you, he will want to talk to you. This means that you can expect an occasional call “just because.” If he doesn’t call, watch out!

3. He Doesn’t Touch You

When a guy likes a girl, he typically looks for an excuse to touch her or to be physically close. If he backs away when you touch him or if he doesn’t initiate contact, he might not like you.

4. He is Distracted

When you are together, does he tune you out? If he is busy watching the game instead of listening to what you are saying, that’s not a good sign.

5. He Talks about Other Girls

If he makes comments about other girls being attractive, then he is definitely not taking your feelings into consideration. This is a major clue that he doesn’t like you as more than a friend.

6. He Won’t Let You Meet His Mom

When a guy is serious about a girl, he will usually take her to meet his mom. This is a rite of passage for every girlfriend to see if she meets his mom’s approval. If it doesn’t occur to him to take you home to see his family, he probably doesn’t like you.

7. He Doesn’t Return Your Texts

If you text him and he doesn’t answer, it’s not a good sign. When a guy is really interested in a girl, he jumps at a chance to have any kind of contact, whether it is by phone, text, email, or in person.

8. He Would Rather Hang out with Friends

If he prefers hanging out with the guys over spending time with you, he probably isn’t that into you. You should be his first priority.

9. He Turns You down

If you invite him out for a movie and he turns you down without a good reason, you better be careful! This is an obvious clue that he isn’t feeling it.

10. He’s Disrespectful

In case you didn’t get the clue already, this is the final nail in the coffin. If he treats you disrespectfully in any situation, then he isn’t into you and he isn’t worth your time.

Use these clues to know for sure if your guy is into you. If you notice more than two of these red flags, it might be time to look for a new crush. What are some other signs you have noticed when a guy just isn’t into you?

Henry Sapiecha


 Traits That Make a Man Irresistible Almost Instantly …

couple on mountain vacation image

There are certain traits that make a man irresistible, for reasons unknown to us all. Sure, we want the whole package, but there are small things that entice us all. If a guy has one of these traits that make a man irresistible, then he’s definitely a contender to winning your heart.

1. Adorable Accent

An average looking man is transformed into a god after you hear his accent. Everyone has their personal favorite, but it’s a universal fact that no one can resist the British. Wouldn’t you love to hear an accented voice tell you how beautiful you look? One of the traits that make a man irresistible is his voice. It can make or break him.

2. Impressive Instrument

If you see a guy step on a stage, it’s pretty hot. He has enough confidence to get up in front of people. He has enough passion to follow his dreams. But the moment he picks up a guitar or sits behind his drum set, he instantly becomes irresistible. Even if he has no clue how to play, somehow he’ll still manage to look fantastic.

3. His Humor

Everyone gets lucky with their jokes once and a while. If he makes you laugh a few times, that’s great. But the moment you realize that the man you’re talking to is absolutely hysterical, you never want to leave his side. Life is meant to be fun, so if he makes you laugh, don’t let him leave

4. Physical Distinctions

This can take the form of many different things. For some women, tattoos are a selling point. If a man has a full sleeve, there’s no stopping her from flirting with him. For others, beards are what make them swoon. Everyone has their own preference.

5. Just like You

When you see a guy reading your favorite novel or wearing your favorite band’s t-shirt, you want to get to know him. He obviously has great taste, so you’d be able to talk for hours. Even though you don’t know anything else about him, you can imagine what his entire personality is like. You may not be right, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get to know him.

6. Swell Scent

There will be moments when you’ll walk past a guy, and you’ll be delighted by his delicious scent. Some men are experts at choosing cologne. They pick the one that you wish you could smell forever. You want to breathe in the scent from his shirt and have it to cling to your pillows. If you’re lucky, one day that’ll happen

7. Coming across Confidently

As long as he’s not cocky, confidence is attractive. It hardly matters what he looks like if he has confidence in his personality and looks. We’re all insecure about certain things, so it takes strength to walk around like you’re completely happy with yourself. If you find a man that walks tall, speaks with confidence, and acts like he has life figured out, why wouldn’t you want to spend some more time with him?

For some reason, there are certain attributes that make a man more attractive than you originally thought he was. All it takes is a little guitar strumming or cologne, and you’re stuck swooning. What traits make you instantly attracted to a man?



girl kisses monitor screen image (2)

When Amy Webb’s relationship came crashing down she turned to online dating.

Lazily, she copied and pasted her resume into her profile.

“In the descriptive part up top, I said that I was an award-winning journalist and a future thinker, says Webb in her Ted Talk titled: How I hacked online dating.

“When I was asked about fun activities and my ideal date, I said monetization and fluency in Japanese,” she says.

She also talked a lot about Java Script, a computer programming language.

Putting her not-so-sexy foot forward, Webb went on what she described as “truly awful dates.”

Before giving up, she did some research on how to make her profile more attractive. Webb soon became the most popular person online.

Similarly, a new study from online dating site eHarmony has found that when filling out a dating profile the words used can greatly affect the experience.

The study, which involved 12,000 members, found a list of keywords that make a profile more desirable to the opposite sex.

For men, the adjectives, “perceptive”, “physically fit” and “passionate” are more likely to motivate women to start a conversation with them. While adding the words, “quiet”, “energetic” and “respectful” to a profile can have the opposite effect.

Researchers also found women who use the words, “sweet”, “funny” and “ambitious” receive more interest. But the words, “spiritual”, “quiet” and “romantic” fall flat.

Wired website conducted a similar study on how to write the perfect online dating profile.

Using data from dating sites OK Cupid and, they found people who listed surfing and yoga, followed by skiing and the ocean had the most success.

Additionally, “the most attractive band you can mention is Radiohead,” says the website.

Finding the right profile picture isn’t easy either.

Looking at the pictures of OK Cupid’s top 400 profiles Wired found wacky photos were unattractive, and suggested swapping your profile picture regularly to appear fresh. Narrowing it down to three rules they say: “Stay fresh, stay clothed, get out.”

Interestingly, when it comes to choosing a profile picture, Webb found that more popular women showed some skin.

She says: “The most popular words used by the most popular women were words like, “fun”, “girl” and “love”.

While this information could be mistaken for “catfishing”, Webb points out that hacking your profile isn’t about fabricating information.

“It’s about being more approachable,” she says.

A few weeks later Webb met a guy name Thevenin and two and half years later they were married.

“As it turns out, there is an algorithm for love. It’s just not the ones that we’re being presented with online,” Webb says.

“All you have to really do is figure out your own framework and play by your own rules.”

“And feel free to be as picky as you want.”

Henry Sapiecha

I fell pregnant after my husband passed away. This is my story

Katie Elfar with her sons Oscar, 5, and Beau, who was born three years after his father died of cancer image

When Katie Elfar’s partner Karim was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2009, she was devastated. Not only did she have to confront the loss of her partner, but the couple’s first child, Oscar, was just two weeks old. Her dreams for the future – a large, happy, rowdy family – were shattered.

But before doctors began aggressive treatment on Karim’s cancer, the couple attended an in vitro fertilisation clinic in Sydney. The couple had decided to conceive a second baby with Karim’s frozen sperm.

IVF technology, which was first used successfully in the late 1970s, is not just for couples struggling with infertility. As long as a man consents, Australian law recognises a woman’s right to have her dead partner’s baby.

“I knew with all the treatment he wasn’t going to be able to conceive naturally, even if he survived,” says Katie. “He was happy because he knew what our plans were. [The first time] I fell pregnant naturally within a minute. So I thought it would be easy.”

It wasn’t. Seven months after her partner’s diagnosis, Katie began fertility treatment. As she underwent cycle after cycle, 50-year-old Karim grew sicker. In February 2010, when he was given just two weeks to live, the couple married in a small ceremony in their courtyard.

Karim’s cancer spread from his kidneys to his lymph nodes, then attacked his bones and bone marrow. Oscar learnt to crawl in the chemotherapy ward.

Meanwhile, Katie’s IVF treatment kept failing.

“Karim was very supportive, but he was in hospital all the time,” says Katie, North Sydney real estate administrator. “He wanted a family, but that wasn’t his priority any more. He just wanted to get better, so I was doing the fertility treatment by myself.”

A few weeks after Karim passed away in November that year, Katie discovered she was pregnant. Amid the grief, the new life gave her hope. But, tragically, the baby was born prematurely, at 23 weeks. Katie called him Karim. He lived for three hours and was buried with his father.

“I fell apart from there,” says Katie. “It was horrendous to bury my husband and my son within six months of each other. I don’t think I left my house for a month.”

Time brought healing. Katie got a job and saw her old friends. She even tried dating, without success.

But her desire to have another baby was still strong.

On the first anniversary of her baby’s death, Katie made an appointment at the fertility clinic. Her doctor gave the go-ahead but she was uncertain. She pulled out at the last moment.

Another year later, she took the plunge. The treatment worked first time. In February this year, Beau Eddy Karim Elfar was born.

“It was the best decision I ever made,” she says. “I could have so easily not have gone down that path. I only had a few embryos left. Thank goodness I kept them.”

Katie, 30, is aware of the enormity of her decision. Yes, she knows her son will never meet his father. Yes, she hopes she will meet someone new someday. Yes, she is aware of the challenges of raising two boys alone.

“I feel so blessed and so thankful that we live in a time where we are able to do this,” she says. “I feel so lucky to carry on our family because it was what Karim wanted, too. I would have given anything for Karim to share it with me, but I wasn’t scared to do it on my own because I’d always been a single mother. Karim was around when Oscar was born but he was too sick to help.”

Stories such as Katie Elfar’s are rare. Gavin Sacks, clinical director of IVF Australia and Katie’s doctor, says there are only a handful of similar cases in Australia. The reason? Simple statistics. Few people die during their child-bearing years.

But there is also a larger ethical question. Is it right to conceive a child who will never know its father?

“It’s an amazing thing for Katie to have gone through and our job is to support people in their decision,” says Sacks. “But you have to say, ‘Is this really what you want?’

“Ultimately it is her choice. Whatever they had together must have been so powerful. And also, she wanted to make a true sibling for her eldest child. She’s actually created two children who can support each other and it gives her strength to find new life herself. It’s a very individualised thing but she’s been very determined and we’ve grown to appreciate that in her.”

In Katie’s case, the law was clear: Karim consented to his sperm being used after his death. But in cases where a man dies suddenly, his partner is usually forced to take her battle to court.

“The general principle is that sperm should not be used in reproductive treatment after a man has died, without his written consent,” says Professor Loane Skene, a medico-legal expert at Melbourne Law School.

“A man may be willing to have a child by reproductive technology while he is alive but be less willing, or even object to, having a child who is conceived and born posthumously.”

Despite that, the courts have been remarkably understanding. In 2011, Sydney woman Jocelyn Edwards was granted access to her dead husband’s sperm because they had planned to sign IVF consent forms a day after he died in a workplace accident.

Last year, a South Australian woman was allowed to take sperm from her husband who had died in a car accident because she could prove they’d planned to start a family.

For Katie, there are moments of heartbreak and sadness. But most of all, she feels overwhelming joy.

“Beau looks exactly like Karim,” she says. “It’s the icing on the cake. Karim would have been absolutely overjoyed.”

Henry Sapiecha


I’m having lunch outside with a handful of close friends. Wearing a short-sleeved top, I stretch my arms behind my head, then wait for the reaction. “Gosh, full armpit hair. I haven’t seen that in a while,” says the 50-something husband of a friend.

Madonna leading the trend back to underarms au naturel image

“Lost your razor, did you?” asks my friend Rachel, as her teenage son swallows, looking disgusted by what is unquestionably his first sight of proper underarm hair: his mother, I know, has an underarm and leg wax and a Brazilian every six weeks, not leaving much change from $200. “Still, where Madonna goes, we all must follow, I suppose,” she murmurs, referring to a recent Instagram shot of the high priestess of pop, complete with long underarm hair.

The question of body hair – and what, if anything, a woman is supposed to do with it – sits neck and neck with diet and body weight as a pressing question on the feminist agenda. Ever since the term Brazilian was coined by the J Sisters salon in Manhattan in 1994 for the waxing of all but a small strip of pubic hair, the trend for shaving, waxing or lasering armpit, leg and pubic hair has seemed unstoppable. Facial-hair removal – the faintest down from brows and upper lips – is pretty standard for many women, and three female friends have been offered arm-hair removal in salons, although none has yet taken this up.

“Three years ago I wouldn’t have dreamt of booking a Brazilian from work, but it’s not surprising any more. Last year, I overheard a junior booking a Hollywood,” says Emma, 34, referring to the extreme version of a Brazilian, in which all hair is removed.

Emma Stone, just your average bland, basic bitch image

These days, a mere gentle trim of the bikini line pre-holiday is unthinkable. The perceived pressure for women to be groomed and beach- or bedroom-ready at all times has never been more intense, or more lucrative. Research firm Mintel forecasts that the British hair-removal market will be worth £628 million ($1.1 billion) this year.

But since the sight of underarm hair, let alone a messy bikini line, is now fairly rare, it’s easy

to forget that extreme hair removal is relatively recent. French actor Béatrice Dalle, with her long, dark underarm hair, was considered a sex goddess in the 1980s. And despite the yelps at the sight of Julia Roberts’s unshaven armpits at the premiere of Notting Hill in 1999, they only seemed to increase her bankability.

“When I started in the beauty industry 25 years ago, the idea you’d take the whole lot off was extremely shocking,” says Rachel Cross, who owns a beauty clinic specialising in laser hair removal and electrolysis. “Bikini lines started getting higher with the trend for G-strings around 2000, but we’ve seen a big increase in Brazilians and Hollywoods driven by both 20-something and post-menopausal ladies, who either want to try something new in their marriage, or might have started dating again. Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t a trend confined to younger customers.”

Julia Roberts' underarm hair on the red carpet was considered shocking.image

Vintage: even in 1999 the sight of Julia Roberts’ underarm hair on the red carpet was considered shocking.

But a run of high-profile women are adopting a public stance against hair removal. In a chapter entitled “In Praise of Pubes” in her tome The Body Book, Cameron Diaz praised the “lovely curtain of pubic hair” surrounding “that glorious, delicate flower of yours”. Diaz isn’t alone: last year, Gwyneth Paltrow revealed that a sheer Antonio Berardi dress had left her stylists “scrambling for a razor” because “I rock a 1970s vibe”.

In New York, stray pubic hairs sprouted on American Apparel mannequins, while Lady Gaga appeared on the cover of Candy magazine with an untrimmed bush. Perhaps most significant was the moment the actor Gaby Hoffmann appeared in Girls with natural pubic hair, suggesting the idea is filtering down to a younger generation.

But none of my friends will admit to leaving their pubic hair completely unchecked. One of my early memories is of my mother making me run my hand over her stubbly legs as a warning about the perils of stepping on to the treadmill of hair removal, but I did it anyway.

I will never forget the extraordinary, humiliating pain of my first Brazilian in New York in 1999. I am a devotee of the humble razor: I think nothing of fast, pain-free hair removal in the bath every few days. I admit I feel pressure to remove a certain amount. It feels neater.

I was relieved, however, that when I undertook to grow out my underarm hair for this article, my husband seemed unfazed. “Are you going for a full 1970s bush as well?” he asked gamely, and when I asked whether he finds pubic and body hair unsexy or unattractive, he sighed. “When you’re in love with someone, it’s irrelevant.”

Growing out my underarm hair felt strangely novel. My children eyed it slightly suspiciously, since it wasn’t something they’d seen on me before, but in the years of shaving off the faintest stubble, I’d forgotten how soft armpit hair is. There’s almost something cosy about it: it reminded me of sitting on the laps of mums with full armpit hair as a child in the late 1970s. I don’t, however, think I’ll keep it. Not because it looks wrong, exactly, but because it makes me feel slightly unkempt. Equally, I doubt Diaz and Paltrow, both of whom have fine, blonde hair, would be quite so laissez-faire if they were blessed with a pelt of thick, dark fuzz.

Although women outperform men all over the place, we still feel light years away from shaking off a generalised squeamishness at the functions of the sweating, bleeding female body. Body hair is one of the most visible manifestations of this.

“It seems so odd that at a time when women are more powerful than ever, there’s a simultaneous impulse towards diminution, which is what hair removal represents, since it’s returning an adult female body to an aesthetic akin to that of a prepubescent child,” says the feminist writer and psychoanalyst Susie Orbach. “We remain very scared of the smells, blood and secretions of the human body, especially the female form, and are more comfortable erasing the reminder of these functions all together. All female bodies, whatever their age, weight or appearance, are beautiful, but we’d rather punish ourselves than acknowledge this.”

It was to challenge the idea that body hair is ugly that the lingerie firm Soft Paris recently shot a model with thick underarm hair, a decision that “traumatised” the model herself, according to the owner of the company, Luca Armenia. He wanted to “encourage a more open debate about the pressure of oppression and conformity which comes with hair removal. It should be a matter of choice, but that choice has been removed and we’ve normalised something obsessive. Hair isn’t ugly, but we’ve taught ourselves it is.”

The majority of men I spoke to for this article claimed that body hair wasn’t a problem. A 22-year-old male friend told me, “Pretty much all girls my age take a lot of hair off, but I recently had a fling with a German girl who was hairy all over. It was slightly shocking to start with, but I admired her, too.” (Although, as beautician Rachel Cross points out, “We’re seeing a rise in male clients, particularly men in their 20s and 30s.”)

Most of my friends claimed they remove their body hair because it “feels cleaner”, despite the fact that body hair performs the biological function of temperature regulation, and that there’s no evidence supporting the idea that removing hair is more hygienic.

The hair-removal industry is also open to abuse, as anyone who has paid for an expensive and sometimes futile course of electrolysis can testify. Dr Nick Lowe of the British Association of Dermatologists says the health benefits of hair removal are “negligible”, although pubic lice are now an endangered species. “But problems arising from typical home and salon removal methods include inflammation, burns, ingrown hairs, infections, cuts and scarring.”

So why are we doing it? The easy availability of pornography has undoubtedly played a role, but archaeologists believe Neanderthals were plucking hairs some 100,000 years ago. Roman women used razors and pumice stones to remove facial hair, and singed leg hair with naked flames. Women in Tudor England plucked all hair from their eyebrows, temples and necks, since hairlessness was associated with exoticism. Queen Elizabeth used walnut oil and ammonia to remove her facial hair.

Perhaps it was the association of hairlessness with beauty that caused one of history’s most infamous marital annulments. The art critic John Ruskin famously failed to consummate his 1848 marriage to Effie Gray, and his correspondence refers to “certain circumstances” about her body that were “not formed to excite passion”. Was it Effie’s pubic hair that revolted him?

It was around that time that one of the first depilatory creams, Poudre Subtile, was created. Gillette invented the first female razor, Milady Decolleté, at the start of the 20th century, and in 1915 Harper’s Bazaar ran an advertisement featuring a woman with cleared armpits and the slogan “Summer Dress and Modern Dancing combine to make necessary the removal of objectionable hair”. A wartime nylon shortage in the ’40s meant good business for the first electric women’s razor, by Remington, at a time when pin-ups such as Betty Grable enforced the idea that hair-free equalled feminine and beautiful.

“Hair removal is one of the strange things women, and to some degree men, have done in the name of fashion,” says the author Lucinda Hawksley, whose book Moustaches, Whiskers and Beards, will be out later this year. “It’s just a different look. Like all fashions, I believe there will be a change.”

Orbach is equally optimistic. “I’ve no doubt there will be a backlash against looking like a prepubescent child or a porn star, just as skinny or flared trousers go in and out of fashion. There’s something confident and sexy about a woman who has a decent amount of pubic hair, and I think that’s an attitude that’s starting to filter down to a younger generation.”

It’s possible the tide has already turned: New York magazine recently reported the arrival of the “full-bush Brazilian” (1970s in front, Brazilian below), a look perhaps more in sync with the organic, yoga-and-sourdough lifestyle to which hipsters aspire than a taut, bare porn star.

I hope Orbach and Hawksley are right. Because, while I feel “neater” removing a certain amount of body hair, I’m struck by my 10-year-old daughter’s reaction when she hears me discussing electrolysis: “That sounds horrible and painful. Do all women have to do that?” No, I tell her, we definitely do not.

Henry Sapiecha

The basic bitch is evolving

What makes a bitch a bitch?

judge woman image

Bitch has contained multitudes since at least circa 1997 when Meredith Brooks wailed with all the Alanis-inspired passion she could muster, “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed”. (Side note: Is the single cover not the most nineties thing you’ve ever laid eyes on? Sunflowers AND slip dresses.) The ever-flexible ‘bitch’ has functioned as hurtful slur, reclaimed title of feminine power and somewhat bizarre bonding term (alongside terms like ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ as Tina Fey so cleverly highlighted in Mean Girls).

The latest era of bitchery has taken things a step further – it’s now all about the ‘basic bitch’. (And I apologise in advance, if you play a drinking game where you take a shot every time I say ‘basic’ or ‘bitch’, you will wind up in ER within roughly the next 600 words). So who is this mysterious basic bitch and from whence did she spring forth? This insult popped up around 2009 according to the modern etymological ground zero of Urban Dictionary, where it was defined as ‘one who has no personality; dull and irrelevant’.

The term has since slowly grown to meme-worthy levels of popularity. Kreayshawn brought it to the public consciousness in her 2011 single Gucci Gucciproclaiming her derision for luxury labels with the statement, “Basic bitches wear that shit so I don’t even bother”. In 2012, teen Youtube star Lohanthony released a nine-second viral video titled Calling All the Basic Bitches.

This year the concept has reached critical mass, going from relatively underground label to pop culture phenomenon with a full taxonomy emerging. Comedy website College Humor released a skit on how to tell if you’re a basic bitch including symptoms like enjoying scented candles, taking Zumba classes and owning a picture frame that says ‘family’ on it. Discussions trying to define her have popped up and you can even do a quiz to find out if the dreaded label applies.

Emma Stone, just your average bland, basic bitch image

So what exactly is a basic bitch? It’s a woman whose taste is obvious or clichéd, she prefers fitting in to standing out. The basic bitch’s biggest misdeed is liking girly things and being a bit late to the party on trends – Shoshanna from Girls is probably the best pop culture example. Her polar opposite is the ‘bad bitch’. (You thought it might not involve being a bitch at all? Sorry to disappoint.)

At first glance ‘basic bitch’ seems potentially subversive. It’s praises (albeit through disparaging the opposite) women not conforming and reinforces the idea that female and femininity are not synonymous. But scrape the surface a little and you’ll realise it’s still a verbal cage that says don’t be a certain sort of woman. The message is if you happen to like stereotypically girly things or products squarely aimed at girls and women, you’ll be put down as ‘basic’ and lacking in discernment. The other issue is that it seems to be used as a term designed to engender competitiveness amongst women, the subtext when it’s used being ‘She’s a basic bitch, but I’m not’. Like Gillian Flynn’s much quoted ‘cool girls’ passage from the best-selling soon to be a movie Gone Girl it just sets up further us and them divisions.

Emma Stone (an unabashed Spice Girls fan) had probably the classiest response to the term. Stone told Vogue when she Googled herself she found someone had described her as a ‘bland basic bitch’. She found the term so hilarious she embraced the insult and started using it in reference to herself. Touché, Ms Stone.

If we were all completely honest we’d probably admit to having at least one ‘basic bitch’ thing we love. (I shamelessly enjoy Starbucks dark chocolate Frappuccinos and find myself glued to the couch all zombie-like mumbling ‘She’s like the wind through the trees’ when Dirty Dancing turns up on television.) And that’s fine, the reason things are labelled as feel-good is because they feel good – it’s not a crime to be passé. Anyway, if basic bitches are so terrible, what is the alternative? To forego Love Actually, leggings and Audrey Hepburn posters for cooler pastures? But then you might be equally derided as… hipster. Could the solution be to simply hate everything? How terribly dreary.

Starbucks is the preferred beverage of basic bitches image

There is a middle path though. Drink a cold drip while listening to Katy Perry. Put a Joan Didion quote on your Pinterest board. Wear your double buckle slides with a star tattoo proudly displayed on your ankle. Watch Friends repeats while eating Korean Mexican fusion. Like what you like – basically.

Henry Sapiecha

Stuff lesbians get away with that straight girls are unable to



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So here they are: things lesbian girls get away with that straight girls can’t.

Comfort factor
Nothing says lesbian (or German tourist) like a comfortable pair of shorts, Birkenstocks and a baseball cap with your favourite ‘Hirsute is Beaut’ singlet, bra optional. Big night out or a special occasion? Better bust out the good jeans and a collared shirt. Being gay means never having to say you’re sorry for wearing an Adidas tracksuit on a first date.

Men find it legitimately intriguing and thrilling to be able to talk to a woman openly about sex and it’s adorable that they think you’re telling them all the deepest darkest secrets of womankind when you draw a map of the female anatomy and explain where the clitoris is. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him think. Straight girls are always jealous of the lesbian wingwomyn (no single PART of me is a man) and want to know how to emulate that level of ease with a guy. My secret? I really don’t give a sh—. It drives them wild

The Rampage
Rampant tramping around is definitely a gay lady privilege and I’m sorry not sorry that when straight women get around they’re dirty names but when we do it it’s awesome. I once spent six months in a contest with several other lesbians trying to sleep with as many women as possible. It was unofficially known as The Rampage, and I did not win. An important disclaimer: dykes are not very good at Rampaging, as a rule, because You Can’t Sleep With Someone Unless You Have Feelings For Them And Once You Do It’s Love And You Move In Together Immediately And Rescue a Cat.

Show us ya tits
Some of the most sexist remarks I have ever heard  have been uttered by card-carrying muff-divers who feel, as same-sex-attracted women, that it’s their Sapphic right to cop a look at the arse on that one, I’d go her but only from behind, am I right?! It’s certainly a privilege unique to lesbians and spermatogenitors, but one that might best be revoked.

Gold Star Feminism
There has been a schism since time immemorial (i.e. before I was born) between lesbian feminists and feminists who are attracted to and fraternise with men. There is something unassailable about your commitment to overthrowing the patriarchy and systems of oppression when you maintain an XY excision zone around your nether regions.

Nude parade
Every March, even and especially when it’s raining we take most of our clothes off and dance down Oxford Street, with the special blessings of Fred Nile. What have the Christian Democrats done for YOU lately?

Are you still talking?
The wonderful thing about being disinterested in men as a sexual prospect removes any incentive to stand and listen to them bore you with another round of mansplaining or their latest achievement in the realms of sportsball and Testosterone. I estimate I have gained an extra four years of life by simply dropping a death stare and wandering off.

Or are you just happy to see me
Discretion in my pants is the better part of valor.

*May not accord with actual events

Henry Sapiecha



women talk on couch image

Georgie Gardner tells Show and Tell’s Katie Monty Dimond about her miscarriage during a recent interview. Photo:

Just when I thought I couldn’t admire or respect former Today show co-presenter Georgie Gardner any more, she opens her heart on the subject millions of women find too painful to articulate – miscarriage.

‘‘It really rocked me,’’ Georgie recently told website Show and Tell. ‘‘Some women I know have miscarriages and are very accepting and say, ‘That’s OK, that’s nature taking its course’, but, my god, it really took me to a very deep and dark place.’’

There are many reasons why I am humbled by Georgie’s courageous admission. 1: She didn’t have to talk about this sensitive and private matter but did so to help others. 2: Women – and men – don’t talk about miscarriage nearly enough. 3: She has two healthy kids and as such risks the ‘‘but you have already been blessed so stop complaining’’ comments. 4: It is possibly the most emotionally complicated and fraught experience a woman can endure. 5: It has inspired me to join the chorus of women brave enough throw an emotional hat in the ring and admit that yes, I, too, have suffered and, yes, I believe I always shall as a result. And I am not ashamed to admit so.

It is evident Georgie’s pain is still raw, even years after the fact. But this is what miscarriage is for many women, myself included – unfulfilled potential, heavy in the depths of our souls; an indelible part of who we are as if etched on our DNA; something that time doesn’t necessarily heal.

And this pain is not confined to women. Men suffer from miscarriage also, acutely so, and almost always in silence. And this shouldn’t be the case. Not when it is something many of us will be touched by in our life times, whether through personal experience or that of someone we love.

Depending on which statistics you believe, either one in three or one in four women will suffer a miscarriage (the higher number is estimated to include the many women who do not admit or report the fact). So, conservatively, that’s about 147,000 Australian women each year.

To suffer this in silence, or act like it never happened, is possibly the worst way to deal with grief. I have been through this grief with close girlfriends of mine and they, in turn, counselled me through my loss years ago. And looking back, I don’t know how I would have survived without them. Some of these women are well-known media identities and braver than I have been up to this point, selflessly sharing their pain with the public in the hope it may help others.

My dear girlfriend, Today host Lisa Wilkinson, is one of these generous souls. She shared her story in an interview with The Australian Women’s Weekly in 2009.

‘‘I’ll never forget, the radiographer was quiet for the longest time before asking me how many weeks I thought I was,’’ she recalled. ‘‘The look on her face said it all and that was when I knew. She couldn’t find a heartbeat and the baby had died at eight weeks. It was like a body blow. When it happened a third time I was inconsolable. [But] denying the grief or acting like these babies never were is the worst thing I could have done.’’

My rock through the bumpiest of times, media mogul Mia Freedman, also decided that the crippling pain of discovering her daughter had died in her womb at 19 weeks was something that shouldn’t be hidden like a dirty secret. She wrote about it in her 2009 memoir, Mama Mia.

‘‘It was a very healing experience, but hard. I knew always that I’d write about it because I knew that’s how I wanted to process it but also I wanted to share that experience with other women who’ve been through it or who might go through it in the future. Because when it happened to me, I remember standing in a bookshop and looking and I couldn’t find anything on miscarriage. Nothing,’’ she wrote.

Another woman I love and admire, TV royalty Kerri-Anne Kennerley, was similarly generous when she spoke to the Women’s Weekly in 2006 of her devastation at losing a child some 15 years earlier, and the appalling assumptions that had plagued her since.

‘‘There are people who are so very maternal and so family-friendly that they discriminate,’’ she said. ‘‘In the back of their minds they think, ‘She prefers to have a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes than pay for her child to go to school’ or ‘She’s too busy to have a baby’.’’ As a woman without children I, too, have suffered these ignorant and cruel assumptions.

Hugh Jackman also understands, having endured several miscarriages with wife Deborra Lee Furness. ‘‘I’ll never forget it … It’s very, very rarely talked about, it’s almost secretive. It’s a good thing to talk about it. It’s common, and it is tough. There’s a grieving that you have to go through.’’

But it appears a shift in attitude is emerging. In the past month alone, US reality TV celebrities Giuliana and Bill Rancic spoke of their heartache at learning their surrogate miscarried (it was one of the couple’s last viable embryos, because Giuliana is recovering from cancer). British celebrity Danniella Westbrook announced she would be taking time off to mourn the loss of her unborn child, and Australian author Tara Moss wrote about her two miscarriages in her autobiography, The Fictional Woman.

‘‘The roses and balloons and pink and blue Hallmark cards don’t really cover it,’’ Tara said. ‘‘It’s also tears and blood and uncertainty. By keeping these discussions taboo, we force women and families to suffer in silence. Enough!’’

I couldn’t agree more. Each time a woman speaks of her loss and pain, I am reminded of my own. And although it hurts still, it also helps the heal.

Age columnist Wendy Squires is a journalist, editor and author.

Henry Sapiecha

I am so glad he cheated on me says woman

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So he’s a cheater… but is he a heartbreaker or destiny maker?

I met you on my travels. You were rugged, tanned, had a sexy accent and amazing shoulders. Did I tell you that? I’m a sucker for strong shoulders. When you spilled your dreams on deserted Thai beaches and talked about your family in sidewalk Saigon cafes, I felt the world melt away – like all my solo travels had been worth it because they’d led me to you. We saw corners of the world that were extra special, thanks to experiencing them together… But fast forward a few more months and you were with someone else. Gone.

What went wrong?

I followed you. I gave in to my heart and I followed you home, albeit three months later. It was fine, I said, I have no home right now. I can go anywhere. But what I meant was that I’d go anywhere for you… What I didn’t realise was that while I was a free spirit, your freedom had an end date. While I saw eternity in your eyes, you saw fun in the mad, mad moment. Blinded by lust I ignored the signs and chased you.

Time to move on

When I reached you, you had already moved on. I met the girl: tall, blonde, beautiful and envious of our time together (but oblivious to the promises I’d seen in your eyes when you looked at me). In your mind you didn’t even cheat, but it felt like I’d been cheated by my own frickin’ destiny. Enough, I thought. I will not let one man determine my emotions. Instead of moping around alone in a foreign place I joined internet dating sites and social groups. And my entire life changed.

I was twice the woman I was when I met you

After just a few weeks I had more appointments in my diary than I’d ever had before. It turned out you’d done me a favour by hauling me off the open road and into a small American town. Instead of a small fish in an endless ocean, I was the biggest, most exciting thing in the pond. I dated a host of interesting men, was entertained while playing the entertainer and saw so much of the incredible country you’d talked about on our travels, with my own eyes.

I fell in love again

I followed my heart and it led me to you. And you in turn, sent my heart elsewhere. While you were home with your new girlfriend, I was living a brand new dream and before too long, I’d fallen in love again myself. Not just with a smooth, sexy new guy, either. I’d fallen in love with the sound of an inspired stream of questions about the lifestyle I’d grown quite tired of. As I responded to incredulous looks and laughter over escapades like enduring bumpy jeep rides in Bolivia, running away from amorous tour guides in the Amazon and drinking toxic tree sap with a Peruvian hippy tribe, I saw all over again that even if they didn’t always go to plan, my adventures were shaping me into an interesting person; one that I was actually quite proud of.

I fell in love with a brand new sense of stability; an independence I’d forgotten I had, the knowledge that actually, I didn’t even need a man to feel completely brilliant, on my own. So I’m glad you cheated. And I’m glad I had the chance to see that destiny didn’t cheat me after all. It just sent me to exactly where I was supposed to be.

Henry Sapiecha



Several situations in wishing you had a pretend boyfriend

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1. The awkward dinner with all your coupled-up friends

You know the one – you catch up with a group of friends and you’re the only one who doesn’t happen to bring a significant other.

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2. The wedding

Your best friend, sister or cousin is getting married and you’re rocking up solo, then having to deflect questions of “Anyone special in YOUR life?” or “So when will we see you walk down the aisle?!”

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3. Family gatherings

If you’re hitting up any family gathering where you’re seeing your rather traditional grandma, if you’re single she’ll either think you’re a lesbian or one of those career women who will never settle down

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4. When ordering copious amounts of takeaway

Sometimes you want to just sample a few different items on the menu, and so you should! However, this hasn’t stopped a friend of mine pretending to talk to her ‘boyfriend’ when the delivery guy came, just so he wouldn’t judge her for being home alone and ordering so much food.

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5. When creepy guys are hitting on you at the pub

Every single girl has at some stage lied about her single status to stop a drunk/creepy guy hitting on her. I guarantee it.

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6. When people ask you what you’re doing on the weekend and you have no plans

“Oh, I’m just hanging out with my boyfriend Ben! Ben…Jerry. Ha, yes, his name does sound like Ben & Jerry’s. Hilarious. He gets that all the time!”

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7. When running into old frenemies from high-school

It’s amazing how your single status changes when you run into people from high school. “Oh yes, I’m in a very committed relationship. He’s a neurosurgeon, actually. Very well off and ironically looks like Derek Shepherd.”

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8. When your taps won’t stop leaking (or any plumbing/electrical issue)

Unfortunately, life is not a movie. So when you’re a damsel in distress, your Ryan-Gosling-doppelganger plumbing God won’t conveniently rock up to help you out.

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9. When your car breaks down

How do you change a tyre again?

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10. Moving/carrying heavy stuff

Yes, heavy stuff can include attempting to carry groceries up three flights of stairs.

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11. When making small talk with randoms

I had a taxi driver once ask if I was going home to “my man”. If by “my man” you mean something that’s super-easy to turn on and off and keeps me warm at night (also known as my electric blanket) then yes, Mr Taxi Man, that’s exactly what I’m doing.

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12. When travelling alone

Travelling alone can be exhilarating, but a fake boyfriend may come in handy every now and then to save you from some potentially awkward situations. Besides, who needs to know there isn’t a Jared Leto-esque ‘boyfriend’ carrying your suitcase for you?

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13. When fighting a huge, terrifying spider in your home

The greatest need for a boyfriend is when you see an evil huntsman staring at your from your bedroom roof. Aaaand goodbye, sleep.

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14. When buying yourself a piece of jewellery that is normally seen as ‘romantic’

I bought myself an infinity ring once because I just really liked it. Obviously it’s a little awkward when people assume it’s from a significant other, but ily 4eva self. Whatever.

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15. When you get to a point where your friends are buying you items like these for your birthday

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16. When sitting by yourself at a pub, café or restaurant

Regardless of whether you’re dining alone, or waiting for a friend, co-worker or family member, chances are there will always be a waiter asking you if you’re waiting for your boyfriend.

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17. If you’re single, however, and sick of being judged for it, always remember:

There are things like body pillows, fake names (I alternate between Liam, Harry and Louis… they all go in the one direction) and The Sims, where you can control the romance yourself. It’s a win-win!

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Henry Sapiecha


Henry Sapiecha