Archives for : February2014


woman relaxing in hammock image
There are some threads of truth in the notion that we thinking women need long-slow-sensually motivated strokes of pure male genius fingers, acting as feelers in the hope that the man’s mind will know our every urge. However, that is a mind blowing fantasy that could be possible!!
Yes, allot of males have no clue to what a female really wants because most of the time, that part of their body and mind are locked up in old programmed ways nicely molded by a generation prior.
How would we all be, if none of us were allowed to speak about how we ‘feel’ in regard to what kind of clothes, car, house, T.V Shows, etc.etc. we were attracted to. There is strong doubt that not too many males or females would go too well in that thought bubble process. We all need to express ourselves and that has been proven many a time over insofar as ‘expression’ in it’s “full bloom”, breaks the pattern of oppression, which in turn takes away allot of ‘depression.’
Half of the issues wrap around girls feeling unsatisfied with their SEX life, is due to them NOT speaking up and sharing how they really feel about their views on LIFE -LOVE- MADNESS- EXCITEMENT- WHATEVER and their BODIES.
Wiping out the negative images of ourselves and negative thoughts our minds have collected over the years is a  good start.  Most of the thoughts were  were largely and happily passed on to us by our Parental-Guardianship. Their mind chatter and what they taught us about our bodies, is the first step in us getting to know our bodies. For the most, we females have been brought up to believe that the right way to think (fueled by our Authoritative Figures), is their way of the highway.
Do your sexual body a favor.  It’s a good idea to start with clearing out the “old has been” thought lines  and make room for your OWN natural thoughts on your body to emerge.  Your own true thoughts are what you choose to listen to and what you choose to disregard as not resonating with the whole of you as a person.
For most of us as females, our own true self has probable been laying dormant since the day we hit puberty and got that first RUSH of sexual SPUNK, followed by that little voice inside that whispered… “NO ! PUT that sweet feeling away !!” “Be a lady!” ” You will be punished!” “If I catch you!”
What that little voice was really saying was… “I want to know what this big sensual, sexual buzz is all about but I am not allowed and I am afraid!.”
It is that first feeling in the body, where the mind realizes it was programmed to shut down. That is the moment, most of we females lost ourselves in the fear of the the thought of ‘loving sex’.”
Remember those dominant thoughts that stopped you from allowing yourself to feel yourself out, with a trusting boyfriend and find out what ‘orgasm’ is all about? If you want to know why your boyfriend or partner or husband is not fulfilling your needs in the bedroom, it’s because you haven’t cleaned out the toxic waste in your mind long enough to fee free enough to speak up and explore for yourself.
If your man really thinks allot about you, he will come to the party.
The only thing that has stopped a woman from attracting the right man into her life that she CAN explore and have fun with, is her own toxic thoughts about herself that don’t even belong to her. Give your body what it wants. Not what is was drowned in.
Think sex with – Mind – heart – Body – spirit- Soul
There’s some dribble for you
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bitchy group of women photo

Many girls and women think being a “mean girl” is a sign of empowerment. Picture: Thinkstock Source: Supplied

BROUGHT to the forefront of popular culture with the 2004 Lindsay Lohan film, Mean Girls, what was once fiction – the hateful manner of certain girls – has become a reality.

Celebrating a decade of Mean Girls , there’s a jewellery line being launched in the USA with friendship necklaces inscribed with lines from the movie such as “best bitches” and “you can’t sit with us”.

The “mean girl”, a term created by Queen Bees and Wannabes author, Rosalind Wiseman, is defined as someone who uses “girl aggression” – nasty comments, trickery, deceit, the spreading of rumours, and stealing boyfriends – to manipulate other girls.

Populating classrooms, social media, mothers’ groups and workplaces, the “mean girl” is flourishing. So much so, psychologist, Meredith Fuller, wrote a book Working with Mean Girls , offering advice on how to deal with destructive workplace relationships cultivated by bitchy, insecure women whose manipulative manner towards their female peers and the damage done often flies under the radar.

Social media has allowed mean girl conduct to both boom and be displayed. Able to shoot off a few nasty words or spiteful lines on various platforms, cyberspace is a breeding ground for bitches, bullies and their victims.

What about ladette culture, born of pre-loading, binge drinking and a desire to emulate a tiny element of male culture? Young women, fuelled by too much alcohol let their meanness find physical and other expression, abusing and fighting girls and sometimes videoing and sharing their anti-social actions for others to ogle.

What was once hidden is now broadcast, shared like a trophy.

With the media latching on to these activities to condemn them, there’s also a degree of defiant notoriety in the (negative) publicity they attract and thus kudos in being caught. Wilfully ignorant parents who refuse to see they have raised a “mean girl” don’t help either.

Afraid of being the next person in the mean girls’ sights, those around them (Wiseman calls them “wannabes”) will often support rather than censure the dominant girl and so rewards for being mean accrue and faux popularity governed by fear dominate.

Another sign of the insidious acceptance of “meanness” as an admired characteristic can be seen in the mass circulation of a well-known Marilyn Monroe quote on Facebook, Twitter and as a meme. Appearing in variations like: “If you can’t accept me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best,” it pops up regularly.

Functioning as an affirmation of the (female) self, deemed empowering by the mostly adult women who post it, it announces a refusal to change. It’s an in-your-face-stance to prospective friends and partners and declares, take me as I am or p-ss off.

It’s a problematic relationship test.

But what an entitled, narcissistic, selfish statement! It infers that any bad behaviour (from the postee) must be accepted unconditionally.

Any relationship with a person that insightless has failed before it’s even begun.

A successful relationship is when people (be they lovers, peers or friends) bring out the best in each other. It’s never about tolerating behaviours and attitudes that are mean, unattractive and highly dysfunctional.

Somewhere along the line, meanness has been construed as acceptable and/or inevitable. It’s regarded as an entertaining if not attractive trait to cultivate – especially if you want to stand out from the crowd.

Reality TV, where competitions create opportunities for mean-girl behaviour, is where this conduct thrives.

Shows like My Kitchen Rules actively foster this. “Keep the contestants mean, keep the audiences’ keen” is the new mantra. The latest stereotypical “mean girls” are the well-travelled Western Australian friends, Kelly and Chloe, whose snide comments, bitchy asides and judgmental looks (cast mainly towards the “two heads, one brain” twins, Helena and Vikki), polarise people.

With ratings in the millions, meanness – especially when delivered by female participants – has become a recipe for success.

The RTV show, Vanderpump Rules, starring 25-year-old Stassi Schroeder, is another program that relies on the “mean girl” status for its global recognition. Described as “outrageous”, “catty”, “feisty”, “she’ll stop at nothing to get what she wants” – Stassi’s the “woman audiences love to hate” and is unapologetic.

Being malicious, let alone staggeringly drunk and violent in public, used to be regarded as disgraceful. It made you a social pariah. Meant to feel remorse, not glee, apologies followed. Nowadays, young women appear to relish the infamy the “mean” tag and its consequences carry. Whether it’s false bravado on their part or genuine is sometimes hard to tell, but sorry, they ain’t.

“Mean” should never be confused with strength, honesty or feistiness, which are all wonderful traits. Nor should it be wielded as a cowardly weapon to control or strike down those perceived as “weak”.

While we’re all capable of being mean occasionally, I’m tired of it being misrepresented as a form of feminine power.

Being mean is not powerful or normal and nor should it be consistently in the spotlight or regarded as aspirational. Women, even mean ones, are the sum of many parts. But until our best traits are also celebrated, “mean” will set the scene.


Dr Karen Brooks is an associate professor at the UQ Centre for Critical and Cultural Studies.


Henry Sapiecha