Dr Gabrielle Morrissey discusses the parts that trust, honesty and attention play in achieving an orgasm.


(Q) I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months, but I’m less experienced than him – which is intimidating. I’ve only ever slept with three guys and have never had an orgasm with any of them. Is this common? Is there a way I can fix it? Reaching orgasm has never been important to me, but it is for him and I don’t want to hurt his ego.

(A) Less than 30 per cent of women orgasm during sexual intercourse, and many find it difficult to orgasm through oral sex and other forms of sex play. As a result, nearly 45 per cent of women admit to faking orgasm while making love.

It’s important at the start of a sexual relationship not to fake arousal or climax. This only starts a vicious cycle of lack of pleasure for you, and less chance of orgasm, because you’re sending the message to your partner that what they are doing (which isn’t working) is what helps you climax.


There could be several causes for you never reaching orgasm.

Perhaps none of your partners stimulated you the way you need to be to reach climax. Do you know what kind of stimulation it takes to achieve climax? Can you bring yourself to orgasm? It also might be that the stimulation is there, but you are unable to relax. Often, fear is a factor in preventing a woman from letting go into orgasm.

She may be self-conscious about her body, she may hold negative sexual messages about pleasure, and/or she might be afraid to be vulnerable and trusting with her partner. She might be afraid of intimacy and letting someone else bring her to full pleasure.

If any of these apply to you, it’s important to discuss it honestly with your partner. The more he understands what is preventing you from climaxing, the better you are both able to explore your pleasure together. However, if you feel the issue has more to do with a lack of the right kind of physical stimulation, open communication about what feels good to you is important.

It’s often important for a woman to feel aroused mentally and physically, beyond the genitals, in order to climax, so explore each other’s erogenous zones from tip to toe. Mind-blowing sex takes investment, attention and action. If you both want to have orgasms together, then rather than making it a goal each time, make it a discovery process you both invest in.


Henry Sapiecha

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *